Painting via Todd Schorr
Hope everyone has a great Christmas holiday. I’m back in Alabama celebrating with my wife’s family. I may return next week, I may not. We’ll see how things go.
Until I return, I wish you and yours the best and I’ll leave you with the most mind-bendingly awesome Indian Christmas carol I’ve ever seen.
Happy Holidays,
Paxton Holley
Cavalcade of Awesome
Each year, around November, I create a reading list of Christmas books that I want to read for the coming Christmas season. I like having holiday themed books to read during the actual holiday. Last year I read five or six books for Christmas. A good amount of books in a month for me, but I planned a little bit more ahead that year, plus several of the stories were very short. This year, I had so much other stuff to read, I couldn’t match last year’s output. It’s also getting tougher to find good holiday themed books because the majority of Christmas themed mysteries are geared more towards middle aged women. They have a woman sleuth (which I don’t mind) and many times offer recipes for cookies and cakes with the story (which I do mind). I even found one Christmas mystery murder book that had an all female construction crew as the focus of the story. AN ALL FEMALE CONSTRUCTION CREW. Needless to say, this is not something I personally want to read. So I continue to Google endless variations of “Best Christmas mysteries” to come up with my holiday reading list.
So, after much searching, I was able to track down three holiday books this year that I found interesting and I offer you my reviews.
The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle (A Sherlock Holmes Mystery) by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle – One of Doyle’s short stories featuring the titular detective. This particular mystery takes place right around Christmas day. One of Holmes’ acquaintances discovers a priceless blue gem in the crop of a Christmas goose. Holmes must first discover what the mysterious blue gem is and then detect how it came to be in the neck of the goose. This story is short, but it’s one of Doyle’s best Holmes stories. I had forgotten that I read it back in high school. The opening scene between Homes and Watson has always stuck with me; Holmes studies a discarded hat, and from this hat, he rattles off a laundry list of deductions about the hat owner. It’s pretty cool and when I think Sherlock Holmes, I think of this scene. Holmes follows his deductions backwards and with a bit of luck, discovers the mystery of the gem. Much like Agatha Christie’s A Christmas Tragedy (which I read last year), this story has a very tenuous connection to Christmas, but this story works so much better than Christie’s short story. I’ve loved Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories since high school and I’m very happy to see they are still solid reads, unlike the aforementioned Agatha Christie (whose work is less interesting now that I’m older). I highly recommend not only this story, but much of Doyle’s Holmes stories (however, beware of Sherlock Holmes stories written by other authors as the quality is highly uneven).
I’ve had several people ask me what’s on my Christmas list this year. What do I think is awesome enough to own for Christmas 2009. So, in answer, I decided to show you guys what I’m asking for this year.
You guys know me by now. If it’s not awesome, I don’t want it. Here are a bunch of awesome (and possibly deadly) things I want for Christmas this year.
A set of sweet nunchucks. I ruined my other pair of nunchucks earlier this year fighting off a pack of lions that were attacking an orphanage. So I need new ones in case more orphanages are attacked by jungle cats. It happens more often than you’d think.
Deadly shuriken, or Ninja Stars. Ninja Stars come in handy in many different situations. You can stick notes to the wall (see picture) or fatally puncture a victim in the head or heart. Truly versatile instruments of death.
I really want a time machine. It doesn’t have to be a Delorean like in Back to the Future (although that would be AWESOME). It can be a Ferrari or Lamborghini or Audi. I’m not picky. But it must travel through time (backwards and forwards). If it can only travel one way, then it’s pretty much useless, am I right? Where would I go? Lots of places, I’d check out Star Wars on opening day in 1977 (and buy up a bunch of vintage figs off the shelf). I’d go back and kick my own ass for wearing parachute pants (to school, nonetheless). I’d also go back and tell my dad to invest in Microsoft and Google and convince teenage Kanye West to be an accountant instead of a rapper. Nothing big. I’m really crossing my fingers for this one.
If you missed the first part of this article, in which I show you Santa getting his ass kicked, then check it out here. I also wrote another article featuring ’50s and ’60s super heroes helping Santa deliver toys on their covers. See those comics here.
This week, we are changing it up and featuring a Santa Claus that has had enough and taking things into his own hands. Time to bloody up the snow with comic book covers featuring Santa kicking all kinds of asses.
From the 2008 Jingle Belle Holiday Special. Santa vs Frankenstein. You saw this a few months ago during my AWESOME-tober-fest 2009 countdown. I still maintain that it is awesome beyond words. SANTA VERSUS FRANKENSTEIN. Why has no one else thought of this? And where’s the movie script?
Hulk #378 – Santa fights The Incredible Hulk. With a crowbar. While falling out of a building. The only thing left would be to have them (or the building) on fire, but I’m not sure my mind could handle that much BAD ASS.
“Oh, the weather outside is frightful.
But beating Santa’s ass, is sooooooo delightful.”
Okay, I was paraphrasing those song lyrics. But they tie into today’s topic, you’ll see.
Santa Claus has a long history of showing up in comics books as an actual character, especially around the holidays. In the ’50s and ’60s, it was a more innocent time. Santa showed up as the typical jolly, old elf. He would distribute cheer and famous super heroes would help him deliver his toys to all the boys and girls. Last week, I looked at a few of these jolly comic covers featuring Santa Claus.
In the ’70s and ’80s, things were a bit different for Mr Claus. For one thing, comic heroes had no problem beating the fat boy down. Seriously. Santa showed up as an adversary throughout the ’70s and ’80s. Then in the ’90s and ’00s, Santa turned the tables, armed himself to the teeth, and took on all comers like some bad ass pit fighter in a Van Damme movie.
Today, I’m going to take a look at the comic book covers that feature Santa getting his jolly, old ass handed to him by some of our most beloved superheroes. Don’t worry, though, next week, we’ll see Santa get his revenge. For now, let’s watch all kinds of mayhem be delivered unto “The Claus” as Santa gets his butt kicked by some of the most violent heroes of the ’90s.
Lobo Paramilitary Xmas Special (1991) – I mentioned this comic last year when talking about my holiday reading. Lobo gets into literally a 10 page vicious, bloody brawl against an armed-to-the-teeth Santa. As you can see by the cover, it doesn’t end well for Father Christmas. To be fair, though, Santa is portrayed as a slave driving, drunken dictator over all of his elves.
Hitman #22 (1998) – I’m not sure what leads to this moment in the story, but Santa seems to be in a situation that is causing him to rethink the decisions he’s made. And by that I mean he just crapped his pants. Feliz Navidad, bitch!
Nerd Lunch articles
Cavalcade of Awesome 