Cavalcade of Awesome

“Oh, the weather outside is frightful.
But beating Santa’s ass, is sooooooo delightful.”

Okay, I was paraphrasing those song lyrics. But they tie into today’s topic, you’ll see.

Santa Claus has a long history of showing up in comics books as an actual character, especially around the holidays. In the ’50s and ’60s, it was a more innocent time. Santa showed up as the typical jolly, old elf. He would distribute cheer and famous super heroes would help him deliver his toys to all the boys and girls.  Last week, I looked at a few of these jolly comic covers featuring Santa Claus.

In the ’70s and ’80s, things were a bit different for Mr Claus. For one thing, comic heroes had no problem beating the fat boy down. Seriously. Santa showed up as an adversary throughout the ’70s and ’80s. Then in the ’90s and ’00s, Santa turned the tables, armed himself to the teeth, and took on all comers like some bad ass pit fighter in a Van Damme movie.

Today, I’m going to take a look at the comic book covers that feature Santa getting his jolly, old ass handed to him by some of our most beloved superheroes. Don’t worry, though, next week, we’ll see Santa get his revenge. For now, let’s watch all kinds of mayhem be delivered unto “The Claus” as Santa gets his butt kicked by some of the most violent heroes of the ’90s.

Lobo Paramilitary Xmas Special (1991) – I mentioned this comic last year when talking about my holiday reading.  Lobo gets into literally a 10 page vicious, bloody brawl against an armed-to-the-teeth Santa.  As you can see by the cover, it doesn’t end well for Father Christmas.  To be fair, though, Santa is portrayed as a slave driving, drunken dictator over all of his elves.

Hitman #22 (1998) – I’m not sure what leads to this moment in the story, but Santa seems to be in a situation that is causing him to rethink the decisions he’s made.  And by that I mean he just crapped his pants.  Feliz Navidad, bitch!

Justice League of America #110 (1974) – This is a multi-story issue.  Look at the big rectangle in the middle of the cover.  Right underneath the Man of Steel’s super crotch.  This section advertises a story called “The Murder of Santa Claus 1973” (click the image to make it BIGGER).  You read that right, THE MURDER OF SANTA CLAUS.  In case the name of the story isn’t direct enough, the cover shows Santa’s dead body lying face down in the bloody snow.  You gotta love the ’70s.  I seriously doubt you can find another comic book that would actually show the dead body of Santa Claus on the cover, especially now.  Even the ultra violent Lobo special above just shows him bloody and beaten.

Justice League of America #60 (2002) – The JLA get into an all-in, balls-out brawl against Mr Kringle. Dude, Green Lantern looks PISSED up there. Like someone crapped in his cookies. Is Plastic Man coming to help Santa or Green Lantern?  And considering the JLA actually murdered Santa back in the ’70s (see issue above), you have to ask, “What the hell did Santa ever do to you guys?”

Well, those are some of the most graphic comic covers featuring violence against Santa Claus. Next, we flip the script and take a look at graphic comic book covers featuring Santa Claus actually doing the kicking of other people’s asses. It’s gonna be awesome.

UPDATE! See Part II of this article here.

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This entry was posted on December 15, 2009 at 8:00 am and is filed under Christmas, comic books, holiday, pop culture, Santa Claus with tags Christmas, comic books, holiday, pop culture, Santa Claus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.