I’m in Time Magazine. WHAT. UP.

Okay, I noticed a serious jump in my blog stats the other day and I took a look to see what the hell just happened.  Looking at my page views I see this:

A huge amount of traffic was being sent by an outside link to my article about failed McDonald’s sandwiches: The Golden Archives.  This article usually gets some hits but it was blowin’ up, yo, sur-iously.  So I clicked in to find the sites that link to it and I noticed this.

The most hits were coming from time.com. I was like, “Time.com? WTF? Not THE Time.com?” Yes, THE Time.com. I clicked the link and was greeted with an article on Time.com listing the top 50 Authentic American Experiences. Surprisingly, my blog is NOT one of the 50 Authentic American experiences.   I don’t know why.  How much more AMERICAN, or more of an EXPERIENCE, can this blog be?  And by American, I obviously mean AWESOME.  Here’s the page in question.

Within this article they are discussing the Big Mac Museum, which I would agree is an authentic American experience. In the very first sentence Time friggin’ Magazine (I say again…WHAT. UP.) sees fit to link to my blog.

Check out the Hula Burger link. That goes to my Golden Archives article here. How about that, sixth grade English teacher who said I wrote like a blind second grader? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?! Actually, my sixth grade English teacher didn’t say that, but she did throw a shoe across the room at a classmate. That is true. But she didn’t say I wrote like a blind second grader…I think she said epileptic first grader. But that’s beside the point because I can now bill myself as if I won an Academy Award. Like Academy Award Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins. I can now call myself Time Magazine referenced Sir Paxton Holley. Well, I added the Sir, but I have no problems going to jolly Olde England for the knighting ceremony. I’ll even pay for my own flight. You hear me Queen Mother? Hello?

So, obviously, I haven’t read the rest of the Time article about what the other 49 Authentic American experiences are because I’ve read that first sentence with the link to my blog like 256 times. I can guarantee you that everyone I know is getting the link to the article with me explaining where exactly the reference to my blog is. This is too good not to squeeze for every last ounce until there’s nothing left like an empty ketchup packet when you still have a plate full of fries.  I was referenced in Time Magazine (the online version).  I AM THE GREATEST WRITER WHO EVER LIVED!!!

Anyway, I’m rambling. So click over to Time.com’s article and read the first sentence of the Big Mac Museum article over and over again. Marvel at how close my writing is to actually being on Time.com. I mean, I’m one click away. I’m practically in the article. I might as well have written the article. They should have just put me on the cover. That’s how close I am. Me. On. The. Cover. Of. Time. Magazine.

Dude, the amount of awesome that I am just keeps growing. You wouldn’t think I could be any more awesome because there’s got to be a physical limit to a body’s ability to store the awesome before it can’t fit any more, right? I mean, that’s just science right? But I’m proving all that “science” wrong, my friends. You can’t trust the “numbers” when it comes to me. “Numbers” can suck it. I’m just too awesome for them. And science. And pirates. I’m too awesome for pirates. And those tiny cucumber sandwiches that old ladies love to serve at afternoon tea. I’m MUCH too awesome for those. Mainly because those are gross. But I’m still too awesome for them.

And THAT, my friends…is science. Awesome science.

Hey, October is in one week. Can you believe it? Where has this year gone? Well, I’ve just gotten used to the look of this blog with the Museum of Awesome picture up top and the blue background, but come October 1st, all that goes away as the Halloween theme will take over. Prepare for the Cavalcade of Awesome’s Haunted House of AWESOME!!! I’ll have several spooky articles for you next month. You’ll get the usual, looks at cool Halloween items at the store, some costumes, books and lots of kick-ass candy, so keep checking back next week for week 1 of my super scary AWESOME-tober-fest. FYI–that’s awesome + October + fest. That came out bad ass in my head but it just looks weird all put together when I write it down. Maybe it’s just me.

Have a good weekend everyone.

13 Responses to “I’m in Time Magazine. WHAT. UP.”

  1. Welcome to the world of greatness Pax. I have been here since 2005 when I won the Access Hollywood Ultimate Star Wars Fan Competition. Its a pretty cool place to be. You now will always have something to hang your hat on. I suggest you advertise it -BLANTANTLY. Put it on your e-mail signature. Makes shirts and dvds proclaiming your plublishing by TIME. Dress up as a TIME magazine (ala Omleteville), with goofy oversized hands and feet, and stop random people on the streets asking them “Did ya click my link on TIME Magazzzzzzine .com?”
    You have a bright future ahead of yourself Pax,..next are the paparazzi, groupies (my fav), the parties, cocaine binges, alcoholism, rehab, nude photos, a softcore porn, rehab, finding Christ, writing a best selling self-help book, appearance on Oprah where you jump on a couch and scream alot, appearance on Barbara Walters where you cry alot, and finally a reality tv show where you have to live with other washed out celebrities like youself who really had no claim to fame in the first place.
    Buckle up buddy,..it’s gonna be a fun ride!

  2. LOL…Oh my lord, Collier. I HAVE to do the costume thing with oversized hands and feet. That is a great idea.

    Hahahahaha…”Did you click my link at Time Magaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, yeah!”

    So awesome.

  3. Congrats Pax! That is indeed Awesome! I love the mock cover! You should send a draft article to Time as an entertainment story and note in your letter that your blog was already linked to Time Online. It may be your “in”!

  4. “Is he too awesome?” Well, duh, of course. Only VIPs are worthy of his prescence.


  5. Hi, I’m Johnny Time, founder of Time magazine. You might know my brother Jolly Time, he makes popcorn. Anywho… We’ve been quietly watching your blog for some time now.. (No pun intended). And Pax, we want to nominate you for Time’s Blog of the Year!! It’s a new feature we came up with to meet our younger, hipper, smarter demographic. Please join us for a cocktail social at the local Ramada Inn this Friday Night. Coat and Tie are required.

    I’ll be the one in the black tuxedo. I always wear a black tuxedo because, after all, I am Johnny Time, creator of Time magazine. I wear my black tuxedo to work, to jog in, to swim laps in. yada yada yada.

    Keep up the good work and keep cranking out those blogs that we can steal from. It costs us no money, other than the brass coated plaque that we’re presenting you this Friday. But we bought a warehouse full of those from Overstock.com, so no worries.

    Time. Out.

  6. Lol! Congrats Mr. Awesomeness!!! I can only imagine how excited you are.

  7. You suck! I want Time Magazine to quote my blog. Of course, that would mean I’d have to actually get my article written and published. =|

  8. Your former freakin' neighbor Says:

    I am humbled to have known you “when”

  9. you’re the man! great story!

  10. Wow, congrats!! That is awesome 🙂
    In your face sixth grade English teacher!!

  11. Belated congratulations. 🙂

  12. […] Sept 2008 my blog was linked to by TIME Magazine.com for an article they were doing about 50 Authentic American Experiences.  They linked to my […]

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