Archive for December, 2009

8 “Christmas” movies that have nothing to do with Christmas

Posted in Christmas, holiday, movies, pop culture, reviews with tags , , , , on December 11, 2009 by Paxton

anti Christmas

I was thinking about un-Christmas movies the other day. What’s an un-Christmas movie? It’s a movie that doesn’t really have anything to do with the holiday season, but just happens to take place during the holiday season. Hollywood loves to associate movies to something that’s popular, like Christmas, but only do it in a tangential way.

So here are 8 movies that take place during the Christmas holiday but the movie plots themselves have really nothing to do with the holiday season. For all we know, the movie could have taken place on Arbor Day.

Reindeer Games
Reindeer Games
– Yes, that one Ben Affleck movie with Charlize Theron.  Based on the title you’d think the movie would center on some elaborate Christmas heist.  In actuality, the plot centers on Ben Affleck’s character stealing his dead friend’s identity, sleeping with said friend’s girlfriend and a casino heist by that guy on CSI: New York. Oh, and CSI guy may or may not be the brother/lover of Charlize Theron’s character. The fact that this movie happens during Christmas time is almost irrelevant.

Long Kiss Goodnight
Long Kiss Goodnight
– This was actually a pretty good movie starring Gina Davis as a housewife who finds out she used to be an elite assassin but lost her memory during a botched job (a la Jason Bourne). Did you remember that the movie takes place during Christmas? That’s why it’s an Un-Christmas movie.

First Blood
First Blood
– This movie is a heartwarming story about a renegade special forces soldier slaughtering police officers in the woods while the town of Hope quietly celebrates the holiday season.  What?  You didn’t remember that this movie takes place during the holiday season?  I guess Rambo violently murdering hillbilly cops kinda distracted you.  The sheriff’s office has a tree and some lights as does the town itself.  Merry Christmas, Sheriff…IN HELL!!!

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Comic book covers featuring Santa Claus

Posted in Christmas, comic books, holiday, pop culture, Santa Claus, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on December 9, 2009 by Paxton

Santa Claus Funnies

I love comic books. I collected them for many years and I love to look at old comic covers.  You can find comic book covers that conform to almost any theme.  I posted several Frankenstein monster comic book covers during AWESOME-tober-fest this year.  For this holiday article, I thought it would be fun to look at some comic book covers that feature the lovable image of St Nick.  He’s been showing up in some form or another on comic books since the ’30s and ’40s.

Santa has made many appearances in comics, this week I’ll look at some images of jolly old Saint Nick getting some help from superheroes to complete his rounds.  Next week I’ll have a different Santa comic book theme.  Now, let’s see Santa get some help from some of our favorite heroes.

Action Comics 105
Action Comics #105 – Here’s Superman using his super strength to help Santa get his plump midsection down a chimney.  You can imagine a thought bubble above Superman saying, “Maybe you should hit the treadmill, Santa.  I have murderers and rapists to catch.”

Batman 27
Batman #27 – Up above in the first comic cover we see Superman stop his normal duties to help Santa deliver toys.  Here we see Batman laugh and what looks like smack Santa on the back while he and Robin try to carry a gi-normous bag of childrens’ toys.  Batman is a douche, dude.

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Ninja Day 2009: Movie review of Ninja Assassin

Posted in holiday, movies, Ninja Day, ninjas, pop culture, reviews with tags , , , , on December 5, 2009 by Paxton

Ninja Day Banner

YES! Today, is Ninja Day, my friends!  Finally, I wait all year to don the black pajamas and stalk around my neighborhood without getting arrested.  The time is nigh!!

Yesterday, I talked about what makes a bad ass ninja, BAD ASS.  Today, I’m going to talk about ninjas and the movies.  There has been a long history of US ninja movies, but those have MOSTLY died out here in the US since the late ’80s. I loved all of those movies, roughly 90% of which starred the awesome, Sho Kosugi. However, despite some fairly recent movies having ninjas in them (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Elektra) there haven’t really been any ninja-centric movies in the last few years. This past Thanksgiving changed that trend with the release of the movie, Ninja Assassin. In honor of Ninja Day, I saw this movie and would like to review it.

Ninja Assassin

So, the movie opens up with a pretty intense scene. You see these young Asian “gangster” types hanging out in their hideout playing pool and drinking. The leader is getting a tattoo and complaining about the needle hurting and being kind of a bitch about it. The crusty old dude giving the tattoo essentially says, maybe you aren’t man enough to get this tattoo. The young Asian leader of course pulls this ridiculously large pistol (fully plated in gold, mind you) and threatens to paint the ceiling with the crusty old guy’s brains. At this point, even people from space can see where this is headed. And after the delivery of a wax sealed envelope filled with black sand, every single one of the young toughs are systematically slaughtered in the most intensely violent ways. The first guy literally has half his head torn off by a blade flying so fast you only see the blur. And that’s how everyone else dies. You see mostly the dark blurs (ninja) and silvery blurs (ninja stars) as they reduce everyone in the room to a bloody pile of limbs. It’s fast, violent and every bit as balls out awesome as you think it’s going to be.

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Ninja Day 2009: Things that make a Bad Ass NINJA…well, BAD ASS

Posted in humor, Ninja Day, ninjas with tags , , on December 4, 2009 by Paxton

Ninja Day Banner

Tomorrow, Dec 5, is Ninja Day, my friends. Time to break out the katana, sharpen it up and prepare for all the face and gut stabbing that’ll be required on this most glorious of days!!  It’s gonna be a gut/face stabbing extravaganza.  Are you prepared?

Since it’s Ninja Day Eve, I thought I’d go ahead and post this year’s ninja celebratory article today.  I get a lot of hits on my previous Ninja Day articles for mainly two reasons.  One, the articles are about BAD ASS ninjas (duh) and two, THEY ARE ABOUT BAD ASS NINJAS.  Seriously, check them out. This blog has been celebrating Ninja Day since 2006. And that is not going to stop on my watch.

I get plenty of comments about the copious amounts of ninja love on this blog.  I’m always asked “how can I, too, become a bad ass ninja like yourself?”.  Good question, but let’s make one thing clear; you can become a ninja, but that won’t make you bad ass like myself.  However, since this is a valid question I thought I’d impart to all my “ninja civilian” readers what makes a bad ass ninja.  What do ninjas do on a daily basis that make them so much more bad-ass awesome than a normal person?   You constantly have to work at being BAD ASS and a ninja.  Like P-Diddy said, “Mo BAD ASS, Mo Problems” (I’m paraphrasing).

So here are a few things that make a bad ass ninja (like myself), well, BAD ASS.

Bedside Battle Monkey
The first thing you should know, I can’t wake up to a regular alarm clock.  Regular alarm clocks are for normal people who aren’t bad ass ninjas. Awesome ninjas like myself need something more dangerous to get us out of bed and out the door.  Personally, I wake up to the attacks of a monkey in robotic battle armor that is trained to kill me (pic above).  Seriously, that monkey is literally trained to tear out my stomach and dance around with my entrails like he’s at some psychotic rave party.  To start my day, I must fight this Battle Monkey Alarm (BMA) in order to get out of the house. And believe you me, this monkey is trained well.  Our battles are like 3 hours long.  Not only does this get my blood pumping in the morning (and not just figuratively), it keeps my killing instincts sharp.  When the insides of my bedroom are covered in Battle Monkey’s gore and feces (even battle monkeys like throwing poo) I can then continue my morning with my next ritual, a hot cup ‘o joe.

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The Star Wars Holiday Special and its vintage merchandise

Posted in movies, nostalgia, pop culture, Star Wars, TV shows with tags , , , , on December 3, 2009 by Paxton

Chewies family

A few weeks ago I wrote about the infamous The Star Wars Holiday Special and its 31st birthday.  I also promised a followup discussing toys and items released to promote the TV special.  Well, that article is up on Monkey Goggles right this very moment.  I discuss the prototype Chewie’s family toys you see above as well as a media kit and several other items released back in the ’70s to promote the horribly received Star Wars special.

So click on over to the article and read about these rare and vintage Star Wars items.  Honestly, the Monkey Goggles article is one of my favorite articles I’ve written.  I really am proud of it.  Take a look and let me know what you think.

And just to let you know, Saturday is Ninja Day!  So I’ll have two new ninja themed articles on Friday and Saturday for your enjoyment!