Archive for movies

AWESOME-tober-fest 2019: Elvira’s Haunted Hills (2001) movie review

Posted in AWESOME-tober-fest, Blog Series, Halloween, holiday, movies, pop culture with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2019 by Paxton

Fangoria Movie Friday

So, I’m finishing out the first two weeks of Elvira with a review of Elvira’s second movie, Elvira’s Haunted Hills from 2001.

Like Mistress of the Dark, I had never watched this one, so with the surprise of actually liking that first movie, I sat down to watch this one hoping to also like it.

And I didn’t.  It’s more of the same but not done as well.  Elvira is Elvira.  Double entendres abound.  It feels like it wants to be something like Young Frankenstein, or, to be more accurate, Haunted Honeymoon.  But the charisma of the cast (or lack thereof) can’t overcome the poor script and attempts at humor.  I know this was made on a shoestring budget, and it’s lampooning old Vincent Price Poe movies like The Pit and the Pendulum (the poster for which even had the giant swinging blade on it) and The Raven, which I honestly haven’t seen.  But it still didn’t land, meaning mainly the humor.

The sets for this movie were pretty great though.  The giant castle, as a set, worked very well and had lots of cool elements incorporated into the design including a small hidden door in the side of the giant fireplace (sidenote: I love giant stone fireplaces in castles).  And the overall story was actually not that bad, but this movie lives or dies on the humor and the humor just doesn’t work as well in this one as it did in the previous movie.  It was so MEH that I didn’t really have anything I wanted to talk about more in depth by pulling out screen grabs.  It’s just not as fun a movie as I wanted it to be.

I wish it wasn’t so, because I still love the character of Elvira.



Also, check out the blog Countdown to Halloween for more Halloween-y, bloggy AWESOMEness.

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AWESOME-tober-fest 2019: Elvira’s crazy cameos

Posted in AWESOME-tober-fest, Blog Series, Halloween, holiday, movies, pop culture, TV shows with tags , , , , , , on October 8, 2019 by Paxton

Awesometoberfest 2019

The character of Elvira has become pretty ubiquitous over the years popping up in everything in pop culture including movies, TV shows, beer ads, MTV specials and video games.  In the next few articles over the next few days I’ll take a look at some of Elvira’s strangest pop culture appearances.  Today, let’s take a look at movies and TV shows.

Like I said, Elvira has popped in all all kinds of TV shows and movies.  Sometimes she’s in costume, sometimes it’s Cassandra Peterson as herself.  Here are a few cool, random appearances of Elvira in costume in different movies and TV shows.


Elvira showed up as a race car groupie in the 1983 Burt Reynolds NASCAR comedy, Stroker Ace.  There are a lot of mixed opinions about this movie, but I love it.


Elvira showed up on an episode of CHiPs in Season 6, episode 21 titled “Things That Go Creep in the Night”. Ponch and Jon are protecting a woman who seems to be stalked by a comic book character. Elvira shows up at a comic book/horror convention.


Elvira starred in an episode of The Fall Guy that was written specifically for her. It was Season 4, episode 7, titled October 31st. Colt Seavers (Lee Majors) is filming a Halloween Special with Elvira in an old mansion that is supposedly haunted.


Elvira also showed up in a couple of live action segments of the Super Mario Bros Super Show from 1989.

Cassandra Peterson had a few fun movie cameos that I always forget about.


Cassandra Peterson had a small part in a sex comedy called Jekyll & Hyde: Together Again from 1982.  She played the busty nurse.  I love this movie and I hope to do it one day on Cult Film Club.


Cassandra is good friends with Paul Reubens. Consequently, she appeared in the biker scene in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.

And there are several others I could bring up but I think that’s a good random sampling of appearances for the Mistress of the Dark.  Tomorrow I’ll take a look at one of Elvira’s first, and most mainstream, forays into comic books!



Also, check out the blog Countdown to Halloween for more Halloween-y, bloggy AWESOMEness.

AWESOME-tober-fest 2019: Elvira Mistress of the Dark (1988) movie review

Posted in Fangoria, Halloween, holiday, magazine, movies with tags , , , , , , on October 4, 2019 by Paxton

Fangoria Movie Friday

So this week has been all about Elvira.  You’ve seen articles and centerfolds.  Elvira has permeated pop culture especially during the Halloween season.  She has popped up in many random movies as a fun cameo. But there have been two Elvira specific movies released and I have watched neither of them.  So I thought now would be a good time to do that.

Today, for my very first time, I’m taking a look at the first Elvira movie; Elvira Mistress of the Dark from 1988.

movie poster

I can’t believe I’ve never watched this movie. It’s fun, it’s campy. It’s the perfect Elvira movie. Mostly comedy, with some spooky genre elements added in. I had a lot of fun with it.

Let’s take a look at a few highlights from the movie.


Title cards.

on the TV show set
The show opens up with Elvira on the set of her late night TV show. It’s a low budget local station so naturally she wants to get out of there and go to Vegas to become a showgirl.

Anchorwoman
This is an anchorwoman at Elvira’s TV station waiting to go on after Elvira finishes her show. She’s not very nice. She’s played by Tress MacNeille. Tress is sort of a legend in voice over animation work. She does voice work for Simpsons, Futurama, Animaniacs, and SO MANY other shows. Check out her IMDB. It’s insane. But, funnily enough, Tress would voice the character Booberella on The Simpsons which was a parody of Elvira.

A lot of this movie is what actors pop up from other genre pictures.

teens
Here are a few of the teens Elvira befriends in the movie. On the far left, is Ira Heiden, who played Will in Nightmare on Elm Street 3.  To the right of Ira is Kris Kamm who’s been in a ton of TV like Quantum Leap, 21 Jump Street, and Coach.

Kenicky!
Hey, it’s Kenicky! From Grease!

villain!
Here’s the villain, Vincent. He plays this up pretty well. He’s appropriately evil and English.  This guy has also been in a bunch of genre stuff like Star Trek VI: Undiscovered Country, the old Fox TV show Werewolf, the Max Headroom TV series, Needful Things and Michael Bay’s Transformers.

Apple Slice!
Edie McClurg! I love 80s movies for vintage product placement. We get a scene at a town picnic and in it we see a bunch of old soda cans like this Apple Slice as well as a few vintage Diet Pepsi cans.


Elvira finally gets to Vegas at the end and we get to see a whole overblown Vegas number. It’s campy but fun.

This was a fun movie to watch.  Yes, it was campy, but that’s Elvira’s whole shtick.  The movie was entertaining and I enjoyed it.  Glad I finally watched it.

So next week.  I had so much fun doing Elvira this week, that I think I’ll do it again.  So, expect to see another week of Elvira goodness.  I’ll look at more movie and TV appearances as well as a few other surprises.  Come back next week to see what I have in store.



Also, check out the blog Countdown to Halloween for more Halloween-y, bloggy AWESOMEness.

AWESOME-tober-fest 2019: Elvira Busts Out

Posted in Fangoria, Halloween, holiday, magazine, movies with tags , , , , , on October 3, 2019 by Paxton

Awesometoberfest 2019

In Fall 1988, Elvira was getting ready to release her first movie, Elvira Mistress of the Dark. And, of course, she got some coverage in the September 1988 issue of Fangoria (issue #77).

I’m honestly surprised she didn’t get a full cover for her first movie. She always had a great relationship with Fangoria.  But if you are going to get bumped, Freddy Krueger in a new movie is the news that’s going to bump you.  *Especially* in 1988.  And *especially* if the magazine has available to them a pic of Freddy with a baby arm coming out of his head for the cover.

This article is an interview with Cassandra Peterson about making the movie Elvira Mistress of the Dark.  She talks about having the longest bit of dialogue to do on the first day and that no one really explained to her how to play the character on the big screen.  Sometimes she was playing it too big, sometimes she played it too small.  It took several days to work it out and get comfortable.  She also makes sure to play up the humor in the movie.  She wants people to know it’s not a horror movie per se, it’s a comedy.  And she hopes that people understand that when they go see it.

It’s a pretty good article, but it always is with Cassandra Peterson.  She’s always funny.  Unfortunately for this movie, New World Pictures went bankrupt the day the movie was released and instead of opening on 2500 screens, it opened on 600 screens.  Even though it tanked at the box office, it has since picked up a big cult following on the home video market.

I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I love Elvira and I have since the mid to late 80s. As you see, I bought her appearances in magazines, I loved it when she was the Coors Light “spookswoman”, and when she had bizarre cameos in movies like Stroker Ace.  We even covered her 1986 MTV Halloween Special on the Nerd Lunch 2017 Halloween Special.  But for some reason, I never got around to watching either of the Elvira movies.

So tomorrow, for Fangoria Movie Friday, I’m going to take a look at her first movie, Elvira Mistress of the Dark, from 1988.  Should be fun, I can’t wait.



Also, check out the blog Countdown to Halloween for more Halloween-y, bloggy AWESOMEness.

2018 Year End Honorable Mentions – Movies/TV

Posted in movies with tags , , on January 31, 2019 by Paxton

Movie Report

Okay, so I got my main year end lists, Favorite Movies of 2018 and Best Books I Read in 2018 out there.  My personal favorites have been laid bare for the Internet.  But there were some other movies I saw that I do want to give a mention.  I usually do that in an “Honorable Mention” section at the bottom of the aforementioned lists, but I decided to break it out this year.  And I didn’t really even discuss TV shows in that list, so there’s some stuff to talk about.

Below are some Honorable Mentions in movies/TV shows that I watched for the first time in 2018. These aren’t going to be necessarily the “next best selections” from my lists. These are just entries I want to talk about. Good or bad.

Let’s do a few movies first, then I’ll do some TV shows.


Justice League – I feel like I should address this since I saw it last year. It wasn’t bad. At the time I watched it, I liked it better than every other DC movie except Wonder Woman. Now, it’s third behind Aquaman.  There are things I didn’t love about it, of course. The inclusion of Cyborg is still baffling to me. Steppenwolf as the big blobby CGI villain kind of sucks. But there are many things I really like. Cavill is pretty much fixed as Superman here. Let me be more specific, I think Cavill is GREAT as Superman/Clark, but the writing of Superman has been out of whack.  THAT is what is fixed here.  I also love Supes’ return to the living and his initial fighting against the JL.  I love Wonder Woman.  I thought I’d love Batman more in this, but he was only okay.  I fully expected to hate Ezra Miller’s Flash, but I didn’t. I actually enjoyed it.  Aquaman is great in his debut here (as it’ll carry over to his own movie).  So there’s more to like than dislike for me.  I was surprised by that, especially judging by the online reaction to the movie.


The Polka King – This one is one I want to talk about, but it’s not for everyone.  I’ve really been enjoying Jack Black the last few years.  I’ve *always* found him funny but he’s really picking interesting projects during this latter part of his career. This, Goosebumps, the Jumanji sequel, and The House with a Clock in its Walls, are all things I’ve thoroughly enjoyed him in.  Polka King is different and a bit weird, like I said, not for everyone. But I really enjoyed it.  Black is flanked by a pretty great cast as well with Jenny Slate and Jason Schwartzman.  If you are so inclined, give this a watch, I think you may like it.


The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Extended Editions – On Twitter last year I called out that I had never watched the LOTR Extended Editions.  Honestly, I never really had a desire to watch them.  Then I finally caved and borrowed the extended edition trilogy DVDs from a friend and made the commitment to watch all three extended edition movies.  It took me a month, but I finally got through all three extended editions.  You know what, I actually enjoyed it.  Backing up, my thoughts on the theatrical movies are; love the first one, hate the second one, like the third one.  After the extended editions, I love the first one even more, actually better appreciate the second movie, and still like the third one pretty much the same.  I don’t plan on ever watching the extended editions again, I’ll keep my theatricals because Jackson has gone on record saying *those* are his official versions, but this exercise has made me appreciate the movies as a whole even more.  So I’m glad for that.  And I’m actually looking forward to a rewatch of the theatrical editions soon.


The Hurricane Heist – This entry and the next entry are sort of linked. Last summer I was really wanting to get in a theatrical viewing of GeoStorm because of all the bad buzz it was getting. I couldn’t make that happen but then this movie dropped on Redbox and I thought it had a promising story and could be sort of “fun bad”. Plus it starred Toby Kebbel who I actually like as an actor even though he’s been in some very maligned stuff like the Ben Hur remake and that 2015 Fantastic Four movie.  I was wrong.  This movie is garbage and none of you should waste your time on it.  That is all.


Geostorm – Fast forward a few weeks.  I go to Tallahassee to visit CT for a nerd weekend.  Geostorm just dropped on Redbox so I pick it up and we watch it.  And it’s actually pretty fun.  I don’t know why everyone was blasting this as the worst movie of the year when I literally *just* watched the worst movie of the year and its name was Hurricane Heist.  This movie is ridiculous, Gerard Butler is 100% Gerard Butler-ing it up, but it’s all just so entertaining.  Unlike the previous movie.  And the effects look GREAT.  Maybe that’s the difference, this one had the budget so ultimately it works, but I feel like there’s a perfect storm of things that made me enjoy this.  A perfect Geostorm of things, if you will (and I will).  Is it a *good* movie by any definition?  No, but it’s an endlessly entertaining movie.  Especially if you watch it with a fellow nerd, like I did.

Now, here are a few TV shows I watched last year that I want to mention.


Santa Clarita Diet Season 2 – Steph and I watched the first season of this show back in 2017.  Loved it.  Season 2 dropped in 2018 and we watched it and loved it just as much.  It really gets bonkers in the second season.  The quick premise is that Drew Barrymore is mysteriously turned into a zombie-like creature that only wants to eat people. Not just brains, but all people parts. I’ve said many times that I don’t like zombie stuff, and this is *kind of* a zombie thing, but it does its own thing.  But it sort of makes zombies and their origins into something different, maybe something closer to what zombies used to be in 30s-40s movies like White Zombie.  Drew and Timothy are hilarious in this.  Their daughter played by Liv Hewson and the kid next door played by Skylar Gisondo are also hilarious. They also open up the mythology of this series’ zombies just a little in this season. This is a great show and I really hope they keep it going. Like the show I’ll talk about next, the show runners here end each season on cliff hangers, so if it gets canceled, we are SOL.

Travelers
Travelers Seasons 2 & 3
– Steph and I watched both Season 2 and Season 3 of this show last year. Season 2 in January and Season 3 in December. This is a pretty great little sci-fi show that, like I mentioned above, actually ends its seasons with pretty hardcore cliff hangers. So, hopefully for us, they get renewed and the story can be resolved.  The premise: an oppressed, post-apocalyptic civilization in the future develops a way to send people’s consciousness back into the past.   Unfortunately the process completely erases the consciousness of the “host”.  So they only send people back into persons that historically are about to die.  And these agents that are sent back are following orders to make small changes to the timeline in order to bring about big changes in the future.  But real life in the 20th century constantly gets in the way for all the agents.  It’s a great show that seemingly could’ve ended in Season 3, but could also be a huge reboot for Season 4.  I’m not sure which it is yet.

Black Mirror
Black Mirror Season 4
– This is a great show and I’ve loved every season. Season 4 was a doozy.  The opening episode, USS Callister, was horrifying and great.  As was Arkangel and its look at what’s the line for protecting your children and invading their privacy?  Hang the DJ was a highlight and the final episode, Black Museum was pretty epic on its own.  Such a great modern version of Twilight Zone.  I’m looking forward to trying out the movie, Bandersnatch, at some point, but I really want the show to return with a new season.

So those are my honorable mentions in Movies and TV.  Coming up next, I’ll do the same for books and comics.

My Favorite Movies I Saw in 2018

Posted in movies with tags , , on January 14, 2019 by Paxton

Movie Report

Here we go. Time for one of my patented year end round up reports. No one else is doing stuff like this guys. You can only find it here (that’s me refusing to look at other blogs in the month of January).

Anyway, let’s take a look at the movies I watched this year.  Like every year since 2009, I keep my movie watching log online at Google Spreadsheets.  I’ve also got an account at Letterboxd, I really need to start using it more, but I haven’t really dug in there yet like I’d really like.

The parameters of this list, only movies that were new to me in 2018 are eligible.  No rewatches.  How I structure the list changes from year to year.  This year I think I’ll list out my 5 favorite movies that were released during 2018 and then I’ll list out 5 movies released any year that I saw for the first time in 2018.  Sound good?  Tough.  It’s my list.  Here we go.

Five movies released in 2018


AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR – This should not be a surprise. I’m all in on the MCU and this, being the first part of the culmination of 10 years of these movies, was destined to make it on this list. No further explanation needed.


Peppermint – Some of you may not remember this. It seemed like it was only out for like a week and a half in theaters.  This is a brutal, awesome action revenge movie.  I really enjoyed seeing Garner kick seven different kinds of asses throughout this movie.  Lots of well choreographed action and Garner is just great anyway.  If you haven’t seen this, what are you waiting for?


Mary Poppins Returns – The original Mary Poppins is in my top 2-3 Disney movies of all time. I love that movie. Needless to say, I was a little…reticent…to see this movie considering my history.  Even if I did think that Emily Blunt was a brilliant casting choice.  Well, I needn’t have worried, this movie is bright, fun, charming, sweet and funny.  I loved it and can’t wait to see it again.  I will gladly put this movie on my shelf right next to the original Mary Poppins.


Mission Impossible: FALLOUT – It’s amazing how this series keeps getting better and better.  My personal favorite was/is Ghost Protocol.  But this one, if it’s not at the top yet, could get there pretty soon.  My only problem is that Jeremy Renner’s character was absent without any explanation.  That aside, this is a pretty great sequel.  I just love this franchise and hope it can continue with the same quality it has since the third installment.


INCREDIBLES 2 – This movie was released, talked about, then it seems to have been just forgotten.  I know this past summer/fall was busy, but, this was a really great sequel that I thoroughly enjoyed.  I need to see it again, but I remember liking it as much as the original.  I can’t currently speak to that being true, but I had a lot of fun with the movie and I thought it followed up the first one admirably.

And now, movies from any year that I watched for the first time in 2018


I, Tonya – I was surprised how much I enjoyed this movie.  Margot Robbie is a force of nature.  I love Margot Robbie in most anything I’ve seen her in and I think this is my favorite performance of hers to date.  And Allison Janney as her mother is *also* a force to be reckoned with.  And Sebastian Stan as her boyfriend is also great.  Just a great cast all around and so much fun to watch Robbie chew up the scenery as infamous skater bad girl, Tonya Harding.


Train To Busan – I don’t like zombie movies. I think I’ve made that clear on this blog.  There are a few exceptions; Return of the Living Dead, Zombieland…and now, this movie.  Clever premise, clever location, and lots and lots of characters we learn to love, fighting off zombies.  A plague unexpectedly strikes and a group of people on a train to Busan have to fight off zombies that want to kill them and also look out for anyone that is infected suddenly turning into a viscous zombie.  I can’t recommend this one enough.  Thank you Evan Hansen and the Mystery Movie Night podcast for having me watch it.


Den of Thieves – This was also a surprise.  I remember this in theaters, and I wanted to see it but just never got around to it.  When it hit Redbox I snapped it up and, BAM, this movie kicks all kinds of ass.  Dark, complicated crime drama.


Molly’s Game – This movie is great.  It has a great premise, and a great cast.  Chastain plays Molly, a former Olympic skier that gets injured and is forced into a change of profession.  She falls into the underground world of poker.  Jessica Chastain is great in whatever she’s in, but she’s particularly strong in this.  And even Michael Cera came with his A-Game.  Aaron Sorkin is usually a go for me.  Just all around, this is a strongly written and acted movie.


Coco – This is such a great movie.  Sweet, wildly inventive, and full of heart.  So many great characters and the running theme of family is just so sweet.  I love the design of the land of the dead.

Those are my favorite movies I watched for the first time last year.  Pretty strong group if you ask me.

Stay tuned, my favorite book/comic reads of 2018 is coming up next.

Batman Redemption – Creating a brand new Tim Burton Batman sequel

Posted in Batman, movies with tags , , , on April 30, 2018 by Paxton

Back in January, the SequelQuest Podcast did a whole show where they brainstormed ideas for a third Tim Burton Batman movie.  It’s a good idea for an episode that led to some interesting discussions and went in a few places I didn’t expect.  It got me to think.  And think some more.  I started to have my own ideas of what a third Burton Batman film would look like so I organized my thoughts in order to write them down.

I started talking with CT about this a while ago and we decided to sort of do this together.  I would put my ideas up here and he’d put his over on Nerd Lunch.  I don’t know a lot about his idea, I’ve only gotten small bits and pieces so I’m excited to hear what he has to say, but before you head on over there, let’s take a look at my ideas.

Before crafting a new Burton Batman movie, there are things to consider.  Do you ignore the Schumacher films and create your new Burton film back in the mid 90s?  Or do you have Burton create the film now revisiting his characters from the 80s-90s?  I think CT went with the former.  I’m going with the latter.

For my story idea, this movie would be released in modern day.  The events in this movie would be a sequel to Batman Returns and ignore both Batman Forever and Batman & Robin.  I’d love to get most of the crew from the 1989 movie to return with Burton.  Michael Keaton would return to the role of Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Danny Elfman would score.  Obviously I’d love to go back to Anton Furst to redesign his “Hell on Earth” Gotham City but unfortunately he died back in 1991.  No slight to Sam Hamm or Warren Skaaren (who died back in 1991), but I think I’d like to get newer, more modern writers to translate my ideas to the silver screen.  Maybe the Duffer Brothers (Stranger Things) would be a good nostalgically modern choice for writers. 

All that being said, let’s talk about my story idea.  The title of my project is Batman Redemption.

Like I said, the story takes place modern day.  Keaton is an older Batman.  He is wrestling with the fact that he doesn’t want to be Batman anymore.  He finds he’s losing interest in the constant fight and bandaging old wounds.  Alfred is dead.  Selina Kyle has either died, or she dies in the cold open of the movie.  Bruce is essentially alone being Batman and living in Wayne Manor.  He decides that it may be time to retire.  He’s just not sure how to do that.  He’s rudderless.  He goes through the motions of running patrols in the evenings.  He doesn’t know what Gotham looks like, or Bruce Wayne, for that matter, post Batman.  

Suddenly, a rash of violent crimes start occurring.  Unexplained crimes.  Crimes that have a familiar look and feel.  Clown based crimes.  It sort of shocks Bruce out of his melancholy.  He suddenly has a purpose.  Is the Joker back?  Is there a copycat?  Bruce obsessively studies the crimes looking for clues.  Without Alfred there to rein him in Bruce pushes himself to the limit trying to figure out if this is the real Joker or not.  It couldn’t be possible though, right?  The Joker died.  He fell from the top of Gotham Cathedral.

Joker death

We get to see a lot of Bruce Wayne in a scarf and trench coat, walking the streets of Gotham like we saw him do so many times in the 1989 Batman movie.  He’ll go to Gotham Library and start looking at old newspaper headlines on a bunch of microfiche film.  Then back to walking the wet streets of Gotham.  While all of this is going on the clown crimes continue.  On one of Bruce’s sojourns he comes face to face with Nicholson’s Joker.  He’s back.  Bruce is caught flat footed. “Jack? You’re dead!”  The Joker maniacally answers, “Sorry, Batsy, the man who laughs lives and I’m back to put a bee in that little bat bonnet of yours! HAHAHAHAHA!”  Bruce is swarmed by creepy clown mimes and starts to fight back until he realizes he’s Bruce, not Batman, and out in broad daylight, so he stops fighting. The clown mimes clear out and Bruce is again alone on the streets.  

The Joker begins establishing himself as the new crime boss of Gotham.  We see him pulling off murderous pranks, killing city officials. All the kooky antics we remember from 1989.  We see his hideout in the old abandoned Axis Chemicals building. We make sure to focus a lot on the Joker and his thugs as they run rampant through the Gotham criminal underworld.  We see Joker joy buzzer electrocuting and whoopie cushion exploding all the crime bosses in Gotham who refuse to follow him.  Lots of kooky kills for Joker, including killing his own crew when he feels they’re “cooling off his casserole”.  There will be lots of random, weird metaphors by Joker.

Meanwhile Bruce is baffled how Jack could be back.  Bruce has to go out as Batman and track down the cops who worked the morgue that night the Joker died, trying to pin down what exactly happened after he fell off the tall, gothic church.  Bruce discovers that Joker’s body actually disappeared sometime after it had been taken to the Gotham City Morgue but the disappearance was kept silent.  Batman confronts Gordon about it, but discovers he didn’t know either.  All the while, Batman is constantly mocked by Joker at every turn.  Bruce continues to be one step behind him.

Bruce pieces together some things but remains unsure of the whole story of Joker’s return.  He has a few more run ins with the Joker and eventually finds himself captured by the Clown Prince of Crime and awakes inside his headquarters.  It’s here, through an elaborate flashback, we learn what actually transpired that night as Joker can finally “reveal it all” to Batman.  We see the final minute or so of the original Batman 1989 climax scene, Joker’s fall, then the pan out of the “dead” Joker with the laugh machine.  Then, the camera, stops, and pans back down closing in on Joker as we see mysterious men enter the frame and drag the Joker’s body away.  These mysterious men keep him alive as they take him to a secluded building on the outskirts of Gotham where he is prepped for travel.  

Back in Gotham PD headquarters, officials in the morgue on Joker’s new benefactor’s payroll place a body double in the drawer with paperwork saying it’s the Joker.  There is so much going on that no one is able to double check.  Then later, the appearance of Penguin and Catwoman would further obscure the body switch from the proper authorities. 

Meanwhile, Joker’s actual body is again transported, this time to a secluded temple in the middle of nowhere.  At this point Joker is still alive, but only barely.  He meets a very beautiful but severe looking woman surrounded by a bunch of scary looking thugs.  The woman introduces herself as Talia (played by Eva Green). 

She has a proposition for Joker.  He’s dying.  Quickly.  But she can save him, if and only if, he helps her with a little problem she’s having.  Joker agrees because he’s got nothing else to lose at this point, so Talia’s men carry Joker over to what looks like a hot spring filled with a softly glowing sludge.  He at first is scared, worried they are throwing him into radioactive waste, but once submerged in the glowing sludge, the “pit” begins reviving him.  Joker comes out of the pit whole, and possibly even a little crazier than he was going in.  Talia explains that her father has plans for him.  Joker asks, “Do they involve a certain 6 foot Bat in Gotham City?” Talia just smiles. Cut to a shot of Joker laughing maniacally.

Ultimately, the climax is Batman fighting Joker and Talia.  Batman learns during the climax that it was Talia who ordered Selina’s death and it was Joker who killed her.  The climax may even take place in the aforementioned secluded temple with the Lazarus Pit, which I don’t plan on even mentioning by name.  It’ll be just “the pit”.  I imagine at some point, while fighting Talia, that Batman will be flung into the pit.  Batman doesn’t know what it is either, so he quickly climbs out.  The quick submersion, though, winds up reviving him and helping him to win the climatic battle.  The submersion in the pit would also renew his passion for being Batman and continuing the fight against evil. 

Ra’s al Ghul is a presence, but will essentially be the Darth Sideous of this movie.  We may not even see him.  At the most, we would get a quick scene of him talking to his daughter.  Maybe.  At the end of the movie Joker is defeated and more than likely killed.  Again.  Talia will escape to possibly return in another sequel.

And that’s my Tim Burton Batman sequel. Talia seemed like the perfect “Burton babe” to use in this sequel. Plus I wanted to bring back Joker and the Lazarus Pit is the perfect way to do that. Hope you enjoyed this pitch, remember, head on over to Nerd Lunch to check out CT’s pitch called Batman Continues.