Archive for September, 2008

I’m in Time Magazine. WHAT. UP.

Posted in blogging, Hula Burger, McDonald's, pop culture, reviews, Time Magazine with tags , , , on September 25, 2008 by Paxton

Okay, I noticed a serious jump in my blog stats the other day and I took a look to see what the hell just happened.  Looking at my page views I see this:

A huge amount of traffic was being sent by an outside link to my article about failed McDonald’s sandwiches: The Golden Archives.  This article usually gets some hits but it was blowin’ up, yo, sur-iously.  So I clicked in to find the sites that link to it and I noticed this.

The most hits were coming from I was like, “ WTF? Not THE” Yes, THE I clicked the link and was greeted with an article on listing the top 50 Authentic American Experiences. Surprisingly, my blog is NOT one of the 50 Authentic American experiences.   I don’t know why.  How much more AMERICAN, or more of an EXPERIENCE, can this blog be?  And by American, I obviously mean AWESOME.  Here’s the page in question.

Within this article they are discussing the Big Mac Museum, which I would agree is an authentic American experience. In the very first sentence Time friggin’ Magazine (I say again…WHAT. UP.) sees fit to link to my blog.

Check out the Hula Burger link. That goes to my Golden Archives article here. How about that, sixth grade English teacher who said I wrote like a blind second grader? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?! Actually, my sixth grade English teacher didn’t say that, but she did throw a shoe across the room at a classmate. That is true. But she didn’t say I wrote like a blind second grader…I think she said epileptic first grader. But that’s beside the point because I can now bill myself as if I won an Academy Award. Like Academy Award Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins. I can now call myself Time Magazine referenced Sir Paxton Holley. Well, I added the Sir, but I have no problems going to jolly Olde England for the knighting ceremony. I’ll even pay for my own flight. You hear me Queen Mother? Hello?

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Wrecking someone else’s journal

Posted in books, humor, journals, personal with tags , on September 19, 2008 by Paxton

Okay, it’s been a long week. I would have had this blog article done a few days ago but the monitor on my laptop died on me. Add to that fact that work has been really busy and the outcome is that Pax can’t finish his blog articles on time. Right now I’m having to write this blog “guerilla style” while at work. Not a problem for me because, as you know, I’m a ninja, but it’s annoying nonetheless.

So I was talking with my friend Debi at work and she whips out this kick ass book she’s been working on called Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith. It has tasks for you to do on each page that involve somehow wrecking the journal. It’s pretty cool, here’s the cover.

You get to do some crazy, random things to the book like taking a shower with it, mailing it to someone, chew on a page, glue office supplies to a page and many others. I found some sample pages on Amazon.

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My iPhone can now kill hookers, travel through time

Posted in Apple, cell phones, humor, iPhone, pop culture, technology with tags , , , on September 12, 2008 by Paxton

Apple Old LogoI know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “If Pax writes any more about his stupid iPhone I’m going to cut him with the prison shank I keep in my bathroom toilet.” Well, maybe you’re not thinking of that specifically, because, as my wife just informed me, not everyone has a prison shank hidden in their toilet tank (which is crazy, because you should have one. Seriously). All physical threats of violence to the side, I am in fact going to talk about my supremely awesome iPhone again. If you got a got a problem with it, you can meet me on the corner of Shut and The Hell Up. I’ll be the guy stabbing people with a wet prison shank named Skip. Yes, his name is Skip. He likes action movies, listening to AC/DC, and shanking people in the gut. Come up, say hi and he’ll shank you in the gut.

For those that don’t want to die, I thought I’d talk a little bit about applications you can download for your iPhone.  Ever since Apple let third party developers design mini-applications (aka apps) for the iPhone that get distributed on iTunes, many cool and interesting games and productivity apps have shown up.  As good as these apps are, they don’t cover every circumstance you find yourself in.  What if some A-hole cuts you off in traffic and giving the guy “the finger” just won’t cut it?  Or what if the hooker you are seeing threatens to go to your wife?  The iPhone can’t help you in either situation, bro.  However, I’ve designed a few apps that may give you the upper hand should you find yourself in one of the above “less than ideal” situations.

If you thought the iPhone was awesome before,  my new “Cavalcade of Awesome” apps make the iPhone so ridiculously kick-ass it may bend the fabric of reality itself.  You could be talking on your iPhone, set off one of my apps, then find yourself in another dimension.  My stuff is that good.  Be careful though, I was testing some of my applications and next thing I know I was in a battle arena on Cylus 3 facing the nose tusk of a Snaarlak beast.  Let me tell you, a Snaarlak beast makes a Chnultha serpent look like a baby Greeb.  My situation escalated quickly and I had to use the Cavalcade of Awesome apps to their full extent.  I’m lucky to be typing this article today.

So let’s take a look at a few of my new apps.

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Odds ‘n Ends from the last two weeks

Posted in books, humor, personal, random with tags , , , , on September 5, 2008 by Paxton

Sniffing GlueYeah, so I missed another week last week. Crap, I don’t know how that happened. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue….or did I? Seriously, I did pick the wrong week.

Had a lot going on this past week. We went up to Columbia, SC to visit friends Kathy and Himal who have chosen to live up there as they finish their PhDs. We had a blast. They were able to procure us invites to an “insider’s only” party at a place called Jillian’s. It featured free beers and appetizers from 7 to 9pm. Needless to say, we came, we drank, we danced the Cupid Shuffle. It was a grand old time. We finished the evening by stumbling our party-ed out selves over two blocks to the IHop. What was cool, was that the IHOP was housed in the old A-frame architecture that the franchise had back in the ’80s.

A-frame IHOP

I hadn’t seen an A-frame IHOP in years. There used to be one in Birmingham, AL for the longest time but it was converted into a car wash or something.

So that was a blast.  What else happened, oh Auburn beat Louisiana-Monroe.  It wasn’t the pass-happy offense everyone expected, but I’m hoping that they held back a bit because Louisiana-Monroe wasn’t the strongest of opponents.

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