August | 2009 | Cavalcade of Awesome

Archive for August, 2009

Photoshop gone bad: 8 Atrocious DVD Covers

Posted in advertising, movies, pop culture with tags advertising, movie posters, movies, pop culture on August 25, 2009 by Paxton

Adobe Photoshop Tuesday is the day studios traditionally release their DVD offerings to stores. So I thought this would be the appropriate time to discuss a problem I have. Why do many studios refuse to use the movie poster on the cover of the DVD? It makes no sense. Many times, they commission another “poster” that includes all the major actors as “floating heads” with the title and some random scene from the movie. It’s ridiculous. Sometimes they even cobble together head shots of the actors, photoshop them on body doubles, and create some insane, nonsensical situation that many times has nothing to do with the movie. Here’s a funny video mocking the phenomenon of the “floating head” movie poster.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, here are a few of the DVDs that are the worst offenders in the “WTF did they not use the movie poster” awards.

footloose_dvd
Footloose — Hey, Kevin Bacon. Stop staring at me, Kevin Bacon. Stop it. I’m serious. I don’t care how blue your eyes are. If you keep staring at me like that, you’re gonna see me kill you. I would much rather have the famous poster for this movie on the DVD than have to kill you for eye-ballin’ me, Kevin Bacon. Also, your cover looks like a Lifetime movie. Footloose: The Town that Never Danced: The Kevin Bacon Story.

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Real Genius — This is one FUGLY cover to a great movie. WTF happened here?! Are the electrical shocks being administered to the side of Val’s head what’s keeping his hair up like that? Who approved this? There is no way Val Kilmer signed off on this. The original movie poster was BAD ASS. Why not use that? Cause that would make sense, and Hollywood doesn’t play by the rules of the natural world, that’s why.

weird-science
Weird Science — I love this movie. But by not using the awesome theatrical poster for the cover of this DVD, Universal Studios may as well have dug up the body of recently deceased John Hughes, kicked the corpse in the groin, pissed on it, walked around the cemetery “Weekend at Bernies-style”, then re-buried the corpse head down/ass out back in the dirt. I get the idea of using images of Gary and Wyatt with bras on their head, but WTF is up with the picture of Kelly LeBrock? Is that even a scene from the movie? Is she ballroom dancing? Conducting a seance? WHAT?! And what’s with all the clouds? I don’t remember any part of this movie taking place in the sky.

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Dork-topia: Cities that are constantly overrun by nerdy fans

Posted in Americana, books, movies, pop culture, Star Trek, Star Wars, Superman, Wizard of Oz with tags books, movies, pop culture, Star Trek, Star Wars, Superman, Twilight, Wizard of Oz on August 19, 2009 by Paxton

Nerds. You gotta love ’em. When they love something, they don’t half ass it. They are ALL IN. They live and learn the minutia of whatever aspect of pop culture they relate to. Be it comics, costumes, card games, TV shows, movies…whatever. And whenever they get the chance, they will make the pilgrimage to whatever place on Earth is the focal point for their obsessions. A Geek Roatrip, if you will (and I will, thank you). “So, Pax, where are the nerdiest places on Earth?” Other than the San Diego Comic Con or DragonCon in Atlanta, here is a list of the nerdiest vacation destinations in the world. And this is only a few of them. There are more, trust me.

Forks, Washington – Home of Twilight — This one is the most recent addition to the list. Forks, Washington is the real life city where the fictional Twilight novels are based. Constantly inundated by Twilight nerds (called Twerds…no, I’m not kidding) this town has finally thrown it’s collective hands in the air and said, “FINE! You dorks win. We’ll sell you Team Edward shirts, let you eat at Bella Italia (OMFG…at the EXACT table Bella and Edward had their first date!!! You must order the Mushroom Ravioli!!) and even tailor entire tours of the city around a fictional book about vampires that sparkle in the sun. Hell, visit Forks High School and buy a t-shirt as if you actually attended there with Bella and Edward. It’s all nerdy fun. I’m sure my friend Marlene will be there. Tell her “Hi”, and that I think she’s a dork.

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Tour de Pain Aftermath: Laying low

Posted in exercise, life, movies, running, TV shows with tags exercise, life, movies, running, Tour de Pain, TV shows on August 14, 2009 by Paxton

I’ve been somewhat wrecked this week. This past weekend I ran the Jacksonville Tour de Pain.

Like the image says, the race is a grueling 3 races in 24 hours. The first race was on Friday evening at 7:30pm. It was out at Jacksonville Beach. The distance was 4 miles and you ran it on the actual beach. I don’t know if any of you guys have ever run on sand before, but it’s hard. REALLY hard. 4 miles on the beach is probably like 6 miles on asphalt. At least, that’s how it felt. Actually, I felt worse after running the beach 4 miles than I did after running the Gate River Run’s 9 miles. But part of the reason is the humidity and heat. It was overcast when I ran the Gate River Run. Anyway, I was looking to beat 40 minutes which would be 10 minute miles, but I seriously died the last mile and wound up crossing the finish line at 40:26. Just over 10 min miles. I was really not happy with that performance, but I had to live with it. I mainly was pissed about how I fell apart during the last mile. It was terrible. The time looks better than it felt, I’ll tell you that. Here’s a pic of me crossing the finish line for the 4 mile race. I felt like I was actually going to drop dead at that point.

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Double Meat Beast Whopper: 6 Completely insane fast food menu items

Posted in Burger King, fast food, Japan, McDonald's, Pizza Hut with tags Burger King, fast food, humor, Japan, McDonald's, Pizza Hut on August 4, 2009 by Paxton

Dude, fast food ROCKS. I could eat it everyday, if it wouldn’t slowly kill me. Is it odd to love something that would kill me? I don’t care, I love it.

What I love most about fast food is the unbelievably over-the-top ways in which a restaurant will try to lure in customers. Menu items that inspire a nauseated sense of awe lure people in like zombies to a brain buffet. Japan is the king of crazy fast food, but the US has had it’s own triumphs. Let’s take a look at some of the most insane items a fast food restaurant has ever put on their menu.

BK Double Meat Beast Whopper — We open this list with Burger King’s Double Meat Beast Whopper, which might actually be the coolest name ever for a hamburger. This “beast” consists of two BK burger patties topped with a layer of pepperoni. That’s right, instead of just stacking another patty and/or bacon on this heart stopper and calling it a day, BK gets creative, digs deep, and finds a different category of meat to get stuck in your heart and kill you. It will probably surprise you to know that this is arguably the tamest sandwich on the list. A double burger with pepperoni is the tamest sandwich on the list? Yes it is. Think you have the stones to continue? Then let’s move on…

BK Quad Stacker — This bad ass burger kicks low blood pressure in the balls with FOUR hamburger patties, FOUR slices of bacon and FOUR slices of cheese. As far as I know these hunks of artery hardening insanity were available across the US as well as overseas. As a matter of fact, Hungry Jacks, the Australian Burger King, offered a variation. Hungry Jacks removed one of the hamburger patties (“whew!”) and added a FRIED EGG (“Wha-?!”). The World: “Fast food is making us fat!” Burger King: “F**k you.”