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12 Completely insane Polish posters for American movies

Posted in movies, pop culture with tags movie posters, movies, pop culture, War Games on June 25, 2014 by Paxton

Holy crap. I think Poland needs a therapist, Stat!

(Via cinemaposter.com)
E.T. – E.T. looks totally high in this poster. “My finger lights up! Heh, heh, heh! I could totally nosh on some Reese’s Pieces right now, dude.”

(via cinemaposter.com)
Weekend at Bernie’s – This is a poster for the Human Centipede version of Weekend at Bernie’s. WTF, Poland?!

(via cinemaposter.com)
Alien – I don’t know what movie the Polish watched, but DAMN.

(via polishposter.com)
Raiders of the Lost Ark – Dude, that one part in Raiders where the tentacle crawled through the human skull with saber-tooth fangs totally terrified me when I was a kid. Remember that? No? Was that just me?

(via polishposter.com)
Enter the Dragon – Are we sure this isn’t a sequel to The Crow? Or a documentary about The Cure?

(via wellmedicated.com)
The Neverending Story – It looks like a 5 year old with crippling ADHD drew this poster. Is that supposed to be Falcor? And Bastian? The Hell?!

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AWESOME-tober-fest 2012: Fangoria magazines featuring Jason Voorhees

Posted in Friday the 13th, Jason Vorhees, movies, pop culture with tags AWESOME-tober-fest, AWESOME-tober-fest 2012, Fangoria, Friday the 13th, Halloween, holiday, Jason Voorhees, magazine, magazines, movie posters, movies on October 8, 2012 by Paxton

I was a big fan of Fangoria in the mid-to-late 80s. I still have most of my issues I bought back in the day. So I went into the archives here at the Cavalcade HDQ and found issues of Fangoria that featured the movie maniacs I’m talking about this month. I was able to find issues featuring all of them. So, today, I’m looking at Fangoria #68 from 1987. It featured a cover story about Jason Voorhees.

This is also the issue which featured the movie maniac beach party comic strip I posted on Day 1 of AWESOME-tober-fest.

The Jason cover story is an investigative interview with the actors who portrayed Jason in the first six installments of the Friday the 13th franchise. It’s called The Six Faces of Jason and features some cool behind the scenes pics of the making of the franchise up to that point.

Here are the first 4 pages of the article. You can click these images to see them BIGGER on Flickr.

Unfortunately, this is a two part article so they only cover the first three movies in this issue. I assume Parts 4-6 are covered in the next issue, which I don’t have.

The actors interviewed in this particular issue are:
1. Ari Lehman who played the child Jason in the original Friday the 13th.
2. Warrington Gillette who played the unmasked Jason at the end of Part 2. However, this article doesn’t mention that Steve Daskewisz played “bag head” Jason throughout the rest of the movie.
3. Richard Brooker who played the first Jason to get the hockey mask in Part III.

Presumably, in the second part of this article in the next issue, they would interview:
4. Ted White who played Jason in The Final Chapter.
5. Tom Morga who played Jason in a hallucination in Part 5.
6. CJ Graham who played Jason in Jason Lives.

The most famous Jason, Kane Hodder, wasn’t a part of this article because he didn’t play Jason until 1988’s Part VII: The New Blood. The article is an interesting look back at the previous movies and gives small insight into actor experiences and casting. One piece of trivia I learned from this article was that only one of these six men were offered the chance to play Jason a second time. And he refused. The article in this issue didn’t mention who specifically, so I have to assume it’s one of the last three guys.

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12 completely awesome movie posters featuring sharks

Posted in movies, pop culture with tags movie posters, movies, pop culture, sharks on August 13, 2012 by Paxton

This week begins Discovery Channel’s 25th anniversary celebration of Shark Week. Shark Week has become an institution unto itself. I love it and I try to watch as much of it as I can every year. So, to help celebrate the 25th Anniversary, I decided to take a look at movies featuring sharks. More specifically, movie posters featuring sharks.

There are lots of ridiculously bad ass posters out there for shark movies. Some of the movies may even be complete ass, but the posters are awesome. So, let’s take a look at 10 of the most awesome.

I normally don’t do these lists in any order, but I’m going to put these posters in chronological order for you.

Let’s “dive” in.

The Sharkfighters (1956) – Man against Tiger Shark with just a knife and his wits. What a great poster. The title evokes images of men in actual fist fights with sharks. Like street boxing matches.

She Gods of Shark Reef (1958) – Directed by the great Roger Corman. Don’t get me wrong, because I love the sh*t out of this movie’s title, but I don’t think the title nor the blurb has anything to do with the actual story. The movie makes no mention of “HIDEOUS STONE GODS”.

Jaws (1975) – Still one of the greatest. I love this poster.

Sharks’ Treasure (1975) – This one has two great posters! I love how they make the “sharks” in the title possessive, as if the treasure belongs to ALL sharks. And that first poster, the frogman is fighting that shark WITH A KNIFE. Awesome. The second poster actually put lips on the shark. LIPS. That’s weird.

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AWESOME-tober-fest 2010: 6 Crazy-ass werewolf movies and their posters

Posted in Halloween, holiday, monsters, movies, pop culture, werewolf, werewolves, Wolf Man with tags AWESOME-tober-fest, AWESOME-tober-fest 2010, Halloween, holiday, movie posters, movies, pop culture, werewolf, werewolves on October 1, 2010 by Paxton

Welcome to Day 1 of AWESOME-tober-fest. A month long celebration of all things scary, weird and AWESOME. This month’s theme is werewolves. So today, to kick off AWESOME-tober-fest 2010, I’m going to look at a bunch of crazy-ass and randomly weird werewolf movies and their posters.

Let’s kick this party off with…

Legend of the Werewolf (1975) – This is a pretty spectacular poster. The white werewolf looks great. Almost like a Polar Werewolf (they live in the Arctic Circle, you know). The red eyes and teeth are striking. I like the font on the title too. What’s up with the hanging corpse on the left? What does a hanging have to do with the werewolf? I don’t remember hanging being one of the traditional ways to kill a werewolf. Does the werewolf actually hang someone? And what’s with the little Jack the Ripper silhouette below the hanging? Is this a werewolf vs Jack the Ripper movie? If so, that’s pretty awesome. Check out Grand Moff Tarkin in the lower right corner.

Werewolf Woman (1976) – This is the plot synopsis from IMDB:

A woman has dreams that she is a werewolf so she goes out and finds men. She proceeds to have sex with them and then rip their throats out with her teeth. She eventually falls in love but then she is raped and her lover is murdered so she goes out for revenge.

I’m not sure what I can really add to that, except that might be the single greatest movie synopsis I’ve ever seen. Simple, to the point, AWESOME.

Werewolves on Wheels (1971) – This movie looks so ridiculous. A biker gang encounters black robed, Satan worshiping monks who secretly turn one of the female gang members into a werewolf after the bikers trash their monastery. And the hilarity ensues. The other tagline for this movie was “If you’re hairy, you belong on a motorbike!” And I’m seriously not joking.

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Photoshop gone bad: 8 Atrocious DVD Covers

Posted in advertising, movies, pop culture with tags advertising, movie posters, movies, pop culture on August 25, 2009 by Paxton

Adobe Photoshop Tuesday is the day studios traditionally release their DVD offerings to stores. So I thought this would be the appropriate time to discuss a problem I have. Why do many studios refuse to use the movie poster on the cover of the DVD? It makes no sense. Many times, they commission another “poster” that includes all the major actors as “floating heads” with the title and some random scene from the movie. It’s ridiculous. Sometimes they even cobble together head shots of the actors, photoshop them on body doubles, and create some insane, nonsensical situation that many times has nothing to do with the movie. Here’s a funny video mocking the phenomenon of the “floating head” movie poster.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, here are a few of the DVDs that are the worst offenders in the “WTF did they not use the movie poster” awards.

footloose_dvd
Footloose — Hey, Kevin Bacon. Stop staring at me, Kevin Bacon. Stop it. I’m serious. I don’t care how blue your eyes are. If you keep staring at me like that, you’re gonna see me kill you. I would much rather have the famous poster for this movie on the DVD than have to kill you for eye-ballin’ me, Kevin Bacon. Also, your cover looks like a Lifetime movie. Footloose: The Town that Never Danced: The Kevin Bacon Story.

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Real Genius — This is one FUGLY cover to a great movie. WTF happened here?! Are the electrical shocks being administered to the side of Val’s head what’s keeping his hair up like that? Who approved this? There is no way Val Kilmer signed off on this. The original movie poster was BAD ASS. Why not use that? Cause that would make sense, and Hollywood doesn’t play by the rules of the natural world, that’s why.

weird-science
Weird Science — I love this movie. But by not using the awesome theatrical poster for the cover of this DVD, Universal Studios may as well have dug up the body of recently deceased John Hughes, kicked the corpse in the groin, pissed on it, walked around the cemetery “Weekend at Bernies-style”, then re-buried the corpse head down/ass out back in the dirt. I get the idea of using images of Gary and Wyatt with bras on their head, but WTF is up with the picture of Kelly LeBrock? Is that even a scene from the movie? Is she ballroom dancing? Conducting a seance? WHAT?! And what’s with all the clouds? I don’t remember any part of this movie taking place in the sky.