June | 2007 | Cavalcade of Awesome

Archive for June, 2007

Those wily Japanese: Pepsi Ice Cucumber and Seafood Pringles! Release of Apple iPhone

Posted in Apple, food, humor, iPhone, Pepsi, random, reviews, soda with tags Apple, iPhone, Japan, Pepsi, Pringles, soda, technology on June 29, 2007 by Paxton

Hey, guys, I’m back for another Friday update. I was hoping to get a full article out this week, but that didn’t happen. Instead you get this quick multi-level update. I would like to use these Friday entries to hit you with a veritable kaleidescope of items all at once…to “pepper” you with goodness on this last day of the week. Hope you enjoy.

Well, today marks the birth of the single most awaited electronic gadget since the Motorola Razr was released back in 2004. Remember when the Razr phones were originally priced at $799 without a 2 year contract? Crazy, cause now you can get them for free. I’m on my second one. Anywho, Apple will finally release the iPhone to the sweaty, eager masses today at 6pm. The media blitz leading up to this release has been on overdrive. If the news isn’t talking about Paris Hilton, then it’s been talking about the iPhone release. People have been lining up at Apple and AT&T stores all week waiting to get their hands on this electronic slice of nirvana. However, I do wonder how many of these people that are lining up plan on actually keeping the phone or are they going to unceremoniously dump it to eBay with a 300% markup? Shades of the PS3, me thinks. The phone looks cool, but I’ll wait for the early adopters to test it out for me to see if I’ll like it.

Those crazy Japanese. They have the strangest flavors of American food products over there. Sushi ice-cream. Really? WTF?! However, if I found that stuff here while I was at the grocery store without my wife, you can bet your sweet hind-quarters I’d buy it. I’m kooky like that. I most assuredly wouldn’t like it, but I’d try it anyway. Similar to this phenomenon, cucumber flavored drinks are becoming very popular over there. In fact, Pepsi recently released Pepsi Ice Cucumber in Japan to much fanfare. Thanks to the magic of the ‘inter-tubes’, I was able to procure a bottle of the mystical green elixir (you knew I would) and it’s ‘go-time’ for a taste test. If you are a regular reader of this site then cucumber soda shouldn’t be too big a shock to your system. Back in February I reviewed sodas that tasted like celery and chocolate fudge. How bad can this be, really…………oh sweet, Mary Francis this is worse than anything in that last article. I thought that ICE cucumber meant it was a cool, refreshing drink, but it actually means that there is a hint of mint in the flavor. Yes, MINT cucumber soda. Imagine making a cold cucumber salad, but instead of mayonnaise you soaked it in a bottle of Scope mouthwash…..and then puked in it. That’s what it tastes like. My lord, I think the soda is actually trying to fight its way back OUT of my stomach. Why do I do this to myself? The soda itself is a nice, pretty anit-freeze green color. It almost looks radioactive. It probably is.

Well, as if that self-induced bit of flagellation wasn’t enough, I also procured a can of Pringles from Japan. So what, I hear someone in the back yelling at me? Yes, I answer to that same non-believer. Pringles. Garlic Seafood Pringles. Go ahead, rub your eyes, shake your head, you read that correctly. GARLIC. SEAFOOD. PRINGLES. To further illustrate the point, there are pictures of shrimp and oysters on the can. Awesome. Okay bright blue can of seafood potato chips……”let’s do this”. The first taste of chip after going in the mouth is surprisingly mild. Not a hint of sea—-wait a sec, there it is. Shrimp taste hitting me now like a metal pole to the genitals. Oh lord, I’m getting nauseous. That’s not good. Man alive, I might be spewing seafood chips and cucumber soda all over my computer in a sec. Cripes, WTF is with the Japanese and their taste buds? Do they enjoy engaging their gag reflexes? I feel like I’m on an episode of Fear Factor. Makes me wish I would have opted for the Grilled Bacon flavored Pringles.

Man, I could use a Silkwood shower after trying those. Pepsi Ice Cucumber may be the 21st Century version of castor oil. Grilled Seafood Pringles may be the 21st Century version of getting molested by your Uncle. STAY. AWAY.

Hope you have a good weekend. Me, I’m going to need the two days to get over the nightmares and full body heaving caused by the above two products.

See you on the other side.

Technorati Tags – Pepsi Pepsi Ice Cucumber food humor iPhone

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While the wife’s away, the DVD will play…

Posted in food, humor, movies, reviews, TV shows on June 22, 2007 by Paxton

The wife, while on summer vacation, has decided to embark on a road trip that is quite ambitious. For the last week she drove to Birmingham, AL to visit some friends and family and then drove to Atlanta to see more friends. She returned last Sunday afternoon, spent the next two evenings with her lonely husband only to leave on Tuesday morning to visit her parents in Ft Worth, TX. It’s an insane schedule and every chance I got I looked at her with the “crazy eyes” so she’d know what I thought of the whole fiasco.

Regardless of what I think, she’s forcing me into bachelorhood for a couple weeks. What have I been doing with this time? Well, I’d love to say I’d written several blog articles, mowed and trimmed the lawn, did laundry, cleaned up the house, showered or, at the very least, put on pants. However, I can’t say that, because it would be an “untruth”. What I can say that I did is sit my lazy ass on our couch, watch DVDs and eat. And pee (but not on the couch, obviously). So I thought I’d rip through some of my activities for the last week so you can see what a guy does when his significant other has left him to his own devices for over a week. Enjoy.

One of the goals of my recently thrust upon “bachelorhood” is to watch stuff that Steph wouldn’t want to. So I decided to start with a set of DVDs I have of a TV show that I never got around to watching, it’s called Undeclared. The show aired about 10 episodes in 2001 and was created by Judd Apatow, one of the men behind many of today’s funniest stuff including 40 Year Old Virgin, Talledega Nights and the recent movie Knocked Up. Actually, that last movie is a reunion of sorts for many of the collaborators on the show Undeclared. This show is really funny and I didn’t realize how many current stars make an appearance within the 13 episodes. You’ll see Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Jason Segel (Marshall on How I Met Your Mother), Sarah Carter (Madeline on Shark), Amy Poehler, Tom Welling (Clark on Smallville) and Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. It’s shocking. This show deserved to run for a few more seasons as it’s funny and sweet and I really enjoyed it.

What else? I tackled a trip to the supermarket without Steph. This may be dangerous, for everyone involved. If I am allowed to run un-supervised throughout the grocery, we wind up with things in our pantry that have no business being there. Yes, yes we need a giant jar of peanut butter mixed with jelly (no we don’t). And how does a normal, red-blooded American man say no to a carton of ice cream labeled “Fried Ice Cream”? How? I mean, the ice cream isn’t actually fried, it just tastes like it’s fried. GENIUS, and I have to have it. Soda flavored like caramel apples? Yes, please. These are the kind of things I’m forbidden from picking up when Steph is with me. Without her, it’s free reign for my wacky buying tendencies. This day will live in infamy, however, as I did procure a rather strangely labeled bag of Doritos. It’s an all black and white bag with Doritos X-13d flavor experiment scrawled across it. I’m suprised at this move from Doritos so soon after Smokin’ Cheddar BBQ won the last flavor gimmick. The contest challenges you to come up with a name for the flavor, yet they aren’t telling you the flavor. You have to guess. The only clue you get is on the bottom of the bag, they describe it as ‘An American Classic’. Well, I have tasted it my friends and it’s good. Real good. I couldn’t quite place the flavor at first, but when I looked at the clue again and tasted another handful it hit me……it’s a flippin’ cheeseburger. Yes, cheeseburger flavored Doritos. The heavens have opened and angels have released this wonderful bounty from the heavens….like rain….cheeseburger flavored rain. I love it. My neighbor, Dr. Mike, thinks they suck and was sure to tell me how much they suck. However, my hairless, military doctor friend, these chips ROCK. Cheeseburger flavored Doritos are the salve to this nation’s many wounds (take that, Dr. Mike).

DOA Next, I went to see a movie called DOA: Dead or Alive. Check out the wacky trailer here. That trailer doesn’t begin to describe the mind-numbing stupidity of this movie. Don’t get me wrong, though, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. This movie has 4 of the hottest women I’ve ever seen traipsing around in bikinis and fighting each other with crazy, slow-motion martial arts. It’s amazing how well edited this movie is because every one of the chicks in this movie looks like they are a bad-ass martial artist, which is good because not one of the chicks in this movie looks like even a moderately good actor. If you see this movie, and I think you should, see it because it’s fun, completely wacky, and makes little to no sense. You won’t find Dame Judy Dench or Meryl Streep in this movie, and trust me, you wouldn’t want them to be.

Well, that’s what I’ve been doing this week. Tomorrow morning, EARLY, I leave for Ft. Worth, TX to visit the in-laws. I’ll be back on Sunday, so maybe I’ll have some good material to write about on Monday. We’ll see.

Have a good weekend everybody.

Holley….OUT.

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Wrapup for the Weekend

Posted in food, Pepsi, soda with tags Doritos, Pepsi, soda on June 15, 2007 by Paxton

Wazzup, bitches?

It’s Friday up in here. I can’t wait to blow this piece in 5 or so hours. Man alive, time is moving SO SLOW. WTF?!

Anyway, got a few things to mention.

#1– Remember on my birthday when I found the two new flavors of Doritos; Wild White Nacho and Smokin’ Cheddar BBQ? Doritos wanted people to go to their website and vote for one of the flavors to be the new permanent Doritos flavor. Well, Smokin’ Cheddar Barbeque won. I still stand by my decision that Wild White Nacho was the best. I can’t believe the voting went contrary to my opinion. That’s a little shocking to me. People don’t agree with me? ME?! Ludicrous.

#2– The other day my neighbor was telling me how awful the Smokin’ Cheddar Barbeque Doritos are and he couldn’t fathom the idea of me liking them. Just to show him how wrong he was I went to buy another bag (hence me finding out the news in #1) and I found a bottle of Diet Pepsi Max. Yes, the onslaught of new soda continues. This one is a tad boring because it’s not really different. There’s more caffeine and they’ve added ginseng, but that’s about it. The taste is only slightly changed due to the extra stuff, but really it’s the same old Diet Pepsi juiced up for the “high caffeine” market. I’ll stick to my regular Diet Pepsi and Diet Pepsi Lime, thank you.

#3 — Holy crap, did I just win the “train wreck lottery”?! MTV went out and got all the members of Real World Las Vegas and reunited them for ANOTHER run in the same suite in the Palms on the Vegas strip! Does it get anymore awesome than this? I think Peaches & Herb said it best….”Reunited and it feels so good! Reunited cause we understood!” Real World Las Vegas was the best (read: insane, bat-guano crazy) season of Real World, followed closely by Chicago or Miami. I have no doubt that the crew will be drinkin’, whorin’ and whinin’ every step of the way. The show started on Tuesday, but I DVR’d it because my wife has threatened my life if I watch it without her. So, because I’m rather fond of that life she so readily threatened, I’m waiting.

Have a good weekend everyone. See you on the other side.

PEACE OUT.

College Graduation: 10 Year Anniversary

Posted in college life, Flickr, holiday, humor, life, personal with tags college, personal on June 13, 2007 by Paxton

June 13. On this day in 1997, I walked in the graduation ceremony at Auburn University. Hard to believe it’s been 10 years since that day. Today is Wednesday, but in 1997 it was a Friday. That’s right, I graduated on Friday the 13th, pretty cool, huh? I had received and accepted a job offer right after Spring Break 1997 so my last few months were spent trying not to fail my last few courses. I was scheduled to attend job training for seven weeks starting that August, however, several friends that were going to work at the same company changed their training to June 16th, the Monday after graduation. I thought, “what the hell…”, so on Sunday, June 15th, I boarded a plane for Dallas, TX to begin my new job (well, training). It’s been a whirlwind since then. Wow.

In honor of this day, let’s take a trip down memory lane and see a few pics of me in college and during the aforementioned training in Dallas. Sound good?

Follow me.

LOL…okay, this is my college id. Stop laughing. This photo was taken in June 1992. I used this id throughout college. You can click on the picture to see a larger version. Maybe even use it as your desktop wallpaper. Stop laughing. I only got a new id during my Senior year when I believed I would have to turn in my id when I graduated. Obviously I didn’t. Stop laughing. Even though I grew up in Alabama, I was a surfer at heart. Stop laughing.

Here I am right after the graduation ceremony. I’m posing with the sign telling the business grads where to sit. At this point, I now have a Bachelor’s of Science in Management Information Systems. I was so excited to be a college graduate. In two days I’d be flying off to Dallas to begin my career as a consultant (which would last for the next 8 years).

Here I am with my parents right after graduation. This is just outside the basketball coliseum where the graduation was held. There is no diploma in the black case I am holding. The diplomas were mailed out separately after the administration had checked that you don’t have any unpaid library fees, tuition, outstanding warrants or misdemeanors. I mean, I did, of course, but that’s a tale for another blog article.

This is my room senior year. I lived in an apartment complex called The Patio with my brother. I only lived there my senior year as my roommate the past 4 years had graduated. Tidy, isn’t it? That computer on the desk was top-of-the-line for 1996, when I got it. 133Mhz Pentium processor with 16Mb of RAM. 16!!! Oh, it also had a SCREAMING FAST 28.8Kbps modem as there was no cable internet at the time. I don’t know how I got any work done on it. Nowadays, it would be like trying to figure out your taxes on an abacus.

Well, that was fun. Hope you enjoyed the pictures. You can click on any of them to get bigger versions. Please, feel free to comment or email me to give me hell about my college id picture. Trust me, everyone does. 🙂

I may have a wrap up article on Friday. Stay tuned.

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Shut-ins: I can see the appeal

Posted in humor, living life, personal on June 11, 2007 by Paxton

Shut In Man, I promise you more content and what do I do, skip ANOTHER week? I’m such a tool. Really. It’s not like I didn’t have time the weekend before last to write a few buffer articles. I didn’t DO anything. Literally. My wife and I shut ourselves up in the house, Howard Hughes-style, and watched movies and tv shows ALL WEEKEND. I know people throw that phrase around a lot, but they still got out of the house to go eat or rent movies or go to the store. I however, am dead serious when I say the only reason I got off the couch was to get something to eat……..and pee. And it was everything I wished it could be.

Sometimes you really need to take a weekend and do nothing. Based on my blog production (or lack thereof) these past few weeks, you can see I got things going on. I’m in the middle of this big project at work so my writing time is scarce, and there are several personal things going on that are also “cloggin’ the noggin”. I needed a weekend to just shut down the gray matter for a few hours and recharge. And we did just that. Wow. This could easily become a lifestyle for me. Three days of wearing the same underwear. Three days of not showering. Three days of not leaving the La-Z-Boy. It’s almost hypnotic. I started growing into the recliner leather. We were becoming one. It was a beautiful thing. I forgot there was a world outside the den. It was like my wife, the cat and I lived in our house and nothing else existed outside. It was beautiful, yet sad, at the same time. If I had actually left the den/kitchen area to go to the garage to retrieve our bucket (never would have happened, but IF), I wouldn’t have even had to get up to go to the bathroom, which boggles the mind right there (why didn’t I think of that?).

So, for the time being I’m back……again. Yes, I said it before, then promptly left again, but again-again, I’m back. Prepare for an article on Wednesday (which I’ve been planning since earlier this year) which happens to be an anniversary for me.

Of what, you ask? Well, I answer, check back on Wednesday to see you cheeky monkey.

Till Wed, I’m OUT.

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