While the wife’s away, the DVD will play…

The wife, while on summer vacation, has decided to embark on a road trip that is quite ambitious. For the last week she drove to Birmingham, AL to visit some friends and family and then drove to Atlanta to see more friends. She returned last Sunday afternoon, spent the next two evenings with her lonely husband only to leave on Tuesday morning to visit her parents in Ft Worth, TX. It’s an insane schedule and every chance I got I looked at her with the “crazy eyes” so she’d know what I thought of the whole fiasco.

Regardless of what I think, she’s forcing me into bachelorhood for a couple weeks. What have I been doing with this time? Well, I’d love to say I’d written several blog articles, mowed and trimmed the lawn, did laundry, cleaned up the house, showered or, at the very least, put on pants. However, I can’t say that, because it would be an “untruth”. What I can say that I did is sit my lazy ass on our couch, watch DVDs and eat. And pee (but not on the couch, obviously). So I thought I’d rip through some of my activities for the last week so you can see what a guy does when his significant other has left him to his own devices for over a week. Enjoy.

UndeclaredOne of the goals of my recently thrust upon “bachelorhood” is to watch stuff that Steph wouldn’t want to. So I decided to start with a set of DVDs I have of a TV show that I never got around to watching, it’s called Undeclared. The show aired about 10 episodes in 2001 and was created by Judd Apatow, one of the men behind many of today’s funniest stuff including 40 Year Old Virgin, Talledega Nights and the recent movie Knocked Up. Actually, that last movie is a reunion of sorts for many of the collaborators on the show Undeclared. This show is really funny and I didn’t realize how many current stars make an appearance within the 13 episodes. You’ll see Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Jason Segel (Marshall on How I Met Your Mother), Sarah Carter (Madeline on Shark), Amy Poehler, Tom Welling (Clark on Smallville) and Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. It’s shocking. This show deserved to run for a few more seasons as it’s funny and sweet and I really enjoyed it.

Doritos X13DWhat else? I tackled a trip to the supermarket without Steph. This may be dangerous, for everyone involved. If I am allowed to run un-supervised throughout the grocery, we wind up with things in our pantry that have no business being there. Yes, yes we need a giant jar of peanut butter mixed with jelly (no we don’t). And how does a normal, red-blooded American man say no to a carton of ice cream labeled “Fried Ice Cream”? How? I mean, the ice cream isn’t actually fried, it just tastes like it’s fried. GENIUS, and I have to have it. Soda flavored like caramel apples? Yes, please. These are the kind of things I’m forbidden from picking up when Steph is with me. Without her, it’s free reign for my wacky buying tendencies. This day will live in infamy, however, as I did procure a rather strangely labeled bag of Doritos. It’s an all black and white bag with Doritos X-13d flavor experiment scrawled across it. I’m suprised at this move from Doritos so soon after Smokin’ Cheddar BBQ won the last flavor gimmick. The contest challenges you to come up with a name for the flavor, yet they aren’t telling you the flavor. You have to guess. The only clue you get is on the bottom of the bag, they describe it as ‘An American Classic’. Well, I have tasted it my friends and it’s good. Real good. I couldn’t quite place the flavor at first, but when I looked at the clue again and tasted another handful it hit me……it’s a flippin’ cheeseburger. Yes, cheeseburger flavored Doritos. The heavens have opened and angels have released this wonderful bounty from the heavens….like rain….cheeseburger flavored rain. I love it. My neighbor, Dr. Mike, thinks they suck and was sure to tell me how much they suck. However, my hairless, military doctor friend, these chips ROCK. Cheeseburger flavored Doritos are the salve to this nation’s many wounds (take that, Dr. Mike).

DOANext, I went to see a movie called DOA: Dead or Alive. Check out the wacky trailer here. That trailer doesn’t begin to describe the mind-numbing stupidity of this movie. Don’t get me wrong, though, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. This movie has 4 of the hottest women I’ve ever seen traipsing around in bikinis and fighting each other with crazy, slow-motion martial arts. It’s amazing how well edited this movie is because every one of the chicks in this movie looks like they are a bad-ass martial artist, which is good because not one of the chicks in this movie looks like even a moderately good actor. If you see this movie, and I think you should, see it because it’s fun, completely wacky, and makes little to no sense. You won’t find Dame Judy Dench or Meryl Streep in this movie, and trust me, you wouldn’t want them to be.

Well, that’s what I’ve been doing this week. Tomorrow morning, EARLY, I leave for Ft. Worth, TX to visit the in-laws. I’ll be back on Sunday, so maybe I’ll have some good material to write about on Monday. We’ll see.

Have a good weekend everybody.


4 Responses to “While the wife’s away, the DVD will play…”

  1. I saw the new Doritos while I was in Georgia visiting family in May but I finally picked up a small bag today. Haven’t tried them yet but I will get around to it soon!

  2. I hope I didn’t ruin the flavor suprise for you.

    As I’m getting further into the bag, the cheeseburger flavor is losing its novelty. I had some last night and it was alright, but not the greatest. The mustard and pickle flavoring is overwhelming all the other flavors.

  3. From Mom & Dad Says:

    As we perused your biography we found no mention of one of the highlights of your growing up……..we want to see an article on your 1st enema……please expand with feelings, consistency & poundage.

    Ah….the memories!

    Love you!

  4. High quality info here! Keep up the great work. I love the feelings being expressed.

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