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Quick Shots: Reviews of some stuff I’ve seen and read…

Posted in movies, reviews, TV shows with tags movies, reviews, TV shows on April 8, 2010 by Paxton

I should do this more often, but I don’t. However, I will try to get an article like this out more often.

Today, I’m going to give a bunch of quick reviews of movies and TV shows I’ve seen and watched the past few weeks.

Hot Tub Time Machine – Saw it two weeks ago. HILARIOUS. It’s every bit as good as I wanted it to be. I will still say that they gave away too many jokes in the trailer and the ridiculous amount of clips they released online. However, this movie is still funny. Rob Corddry nearly steals the whole shebang. Also, look for a VERY covert appearance by none other than the Kobra Kai himself, William Zabka. I swear you won’t recognize him. For me, this movie is NEARLY as good as The Hangover.

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans – Watched this last night. It’s terrible. Nic tries to relive his Leaving Las Vegas performance. He must have succeeded because I hated this movie every bit as much as I hated Leaving Las Vegas. At least LLV had some decent boobie scenes. F**k this movie.

Predator 2 – I’m gearing up for the new Predator movie in July. I watched the first Predator on Blu-Ray and that movie still holds up. It’s awesome. Just listening to Arnold scream “GET TO THA CHOPPA!” gets my adrenaline pumping. So I finally watched the sequel, Predator 2 with Danny Glover. I’m sorry, but there’s no way Murtaugh is gonna kill a Predator. NO F***ING WAY. And you rarely get to see the Predator, which, in this movie is bad because there’s absolutely nothing else going on that is interesting. NOTHING. Instead of Jesse Ventura we get Bill Paxton. Instead of Arnold’s Dutch we get GARY F***ING BUSEY. Yes, Gary Busey’s character was originally written as Dutch. WTF?! I want to cry. For straight up bad ass Predator action, I prefer the first Alien vs Predator movie, even though, as a movie, it’s horrible. HORRIBLE. I love Predator based on the original movie, but there has yet to be another movie anywhere near as good as the first. Hopefully, that gets rectified in July with Rodriguez’s Predators.

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“Who’s tha Masta?!”: Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon is 25 years old today

Posted in 80s, movies, pop culture, reviews with tags anniversary, movies, pop culture, reviews on March 22, 2010 by Paxton

On March 22, 1985, Columbia/Tri-Star released Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon in theaters. It was a critical failure, but a financial success. Even today, the film is considered a cult classic. The story of “Bruce” Leroy and his arch enemy “Sho Nuff” have captivated audiences for 25 years. Man, a lot of my favorite movies (Empire Strikes Back, Back to the Future, Young Guns) are celebrating their 25-30 year anniversaries this year and it’s really starting to make me feel old.

(via Brass Knuckle B)
(via The Synopsis)

I saw it in the theater when it was released in 1985 and I loved it. I watched it again the other night to celebrate this 25th anniversary and I still love the movie. Obviously Julius Carry nearly steals the entire movie as Sho Nuff, but Taimak plays Bruce Leroy Green brilliantly and it’s great to see Ernie Reyes Jr in a small role as one of Leroy’s students.

The action is fun and characters are over the top, but it’s your typical tongue-in-cheek ’80s action comedy. Vanity, who plays Laura Charles, could have been any semi-famous pop star of the time and Leroy’s brother is your typical annoying little brother. What makes the movie for me is the final showdown between Leroy and Sho Nuff. It’s a great battle and one I could enjoy over and over. I mean, Sho-Nuff’s pimpin’ red tiger karate outfit might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. EVER.

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The Grocery Aisle of long forgotten breakfast cereals Part III

Posted in Batman, breakfast cereal, movies, nostalgia, pop culture, Star Trek with tags Batman, breakfast cereal, movies, nostalgia, pop culture, Star Trek on March 16, 2010 by Paxton

Last year I wrote a two part article talking about long defunct breakfast cereals. They were both a very big hit. Dark Roasted Blend and The National Review Online picked them up and it exploded onto a bunch of other blogs after that. If you missed the first two parts of this article:

Read Part I here.
Read Part II here.

A big thanks to my friends Jackie and Steve for actually suggesting this topic to begin with. Now, let’s take another stroll down Grocery Aisle 7c and examine a bunch more extinct breakfast cereals.

Freakies cereal was created in 1971 by Ralston-Purina and lasted until about 1977. However, despite most of the general public not really remembering it, the sloppy man-love for this cereal among cereal box enthusiasts is insane. These boxes are traded heavily amongst collectors with the Cocoa Freakies box going for around $800. I honestly don’t remember it, but there are a lot of people who do and would shell out truckloads of dough for certain boxes. Here’s a commercial for Freakies.

Quisp and Quake were introduced back in 1965 by the Quaker Oats company. They were usually marketed together as rivals in much the same way as Baron Von Redberry and Sir Grapefellow. The characters and animation for the cereals and commercials were done by Jay Ward who also created Rocky & Bullwinkle. The commercial even uses some of the same voice talent as Rocky & Bullwinkle. Check out a Quisp commercial here (you see Quake at the very end). In 1970, Quaker ran a contest promotion to see which cereal was more popular. Quisp won and Quake quietly left the shelves. However Quake would resurface later in the even more queerly named Quake’s Orange Quangaroos. Quaker was totally committed to the whole ‘Q’ thing. See a Quangaroos commercial here. Retro boxes of both Quisp and Quake have been released to certain markets in the past few years.

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I think I just TRON’d in my shorts

Posted in movies, Tron with tags movies, trailers, Tron on March 9, 2010 by Paxton

The new trailer for the TRON sequel (TRON: Legacy) was released before Alice in Wonderland this past weekend which almost had me go see Alice just to see the trailer. Back in 1998 I actually bought a ticket to the Rugrats movie just to see the Star Wars Phantom Menace trailer (which was twice as good as the actual movie) and then promptly walked the hell out. And I almost did it again.

But I’m glad I didn’t because today, the trailer is popping up all over the internet and it’s every bit as f***ing awesome as you want it to be. Neon piping, discs, light cycles and JEFF BRIDGES.

You can see the trailer from its source on this website where it originally popped up. You can also download it from that site.

Someone downloaded it from the site and then posted it to YouTube. Thank you to whomever did that.

Now prepare yourself because this trailer is going to have wild, angry, monkey sex with your eyeballs and then not call them in the morning.

If this movie does nothing else but lead to an awesome modernization of the Discs of TRON video game, prepare for me to spontaneously erupt into a cacophony of creaming geek orgasms.

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17 Things I’ve learned about life from watching movies and TV

Posted in hollywood life lessons, humor, movies, pop culture, TV shows with tags hollywood life lessons, humor, movies, TV, TV shows on March 4, 2010 by Paxton

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My wife and I watch a lot of movies and TV shows. We love the s**t out of them. We try to see a movie at least every weekend and we have multiple shows we watch during the week. It’s hectic keeping up with that.

However, having watched all of these movies and TV shows, we have come to take away many deep and thoughtful life lessons. Things you can’t learn by living life, but by watching hours and hours of Hollywood entertainment.

So here are 17 things we’ve learned while watching all of these TV and movies.

Davy Jones
You will always have need of a celebrity (for a charity performance or prom) at the exact time that celebrity is in town for a concert or filming a movie/TV appearance. If you need to get in to see them, it’s very easy to sneak past or distract their security people because they are always completely ineffective. The celebrity will never get pissed that their security people suck and everyone keeps sneaking in to their hotel room.

Monica's Apt
Large, studio apartments (with or without wacky roommate[s]) are affordable even for the most meager of budgets. As are furnishings from Potterybarn or Crate and Barrel. College kids and people right out of college have immaculate decorating sense.

Jolie Wanted
If you are being held at gunpoint, start running away just as the shooter starts shooting and tip over a table/couch/chair to hide behind. The bullets won’t be able to hit you. Odds are the shooter is a terrible shot anyway, and will hit EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE ROOM except for you. If you do get hit, don’t worry, bullet wounds apparently don’t hurt very much as no one cries out or whimpers with a bullet in them. You mainly shrug it off and wait for someone to bandage you up (heavy, stuttered breathing and sweating may be the only symptom that you have been shot). You may also have a sudden urge to tell your partner to “go on without you”, even with a non-fatal bullet to the shoulder.

Dirty_Harry
When you walk into a room and see the person you are trying to capture or shoot, call out their name or yell ‘Hey!’ or ‘Stop!’ first to give them a sporting chance to run. The element of surprise is overrated…and unfair.

Mr Miyagi
If you are being bullied at school, seek out the friendly, ethnic janitor or find your apartment building’s gardener or handyman. All of these eccentric, foreign, older men were actually master martial artists back in their homeland and gave up the fame and glory of being badass tournament fighters to live the dream of being a janitor/handyman here in America.

Defeat
You can defeat a master martial artist who has been studying for his entire life if you spend a few weeks/months learning to fight from the aforementioned janitor or handyman.