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Archive for the humor Category

Sweet Tweets: Excerpts from my awesome Twitter feed

Posted in humor, technology, Twitter with tags humor, Sweet Tweets, technology, Twitter on May 21, 2009 by Paxton

I know many of you are stuck in the Stone Age so you aren’t following the fun at Twitter. It’s pretty zany. For those of you not joining in, I thought I’d show you some of the tweets I’ve been putting up just so you aren’t missing out.

First off, here’s the Cavalcade’s Twitter profile page (click it to go to the actual page):

You can see my last tweet at the very top of the profile page about my thumb drive crashing. That is true. I’m trying to recover several things I lost on that drive. Luckily, I didn’t lose anything devastating, but it is a pain in the posterior.

Like I said, I’m going to post a few of my tweets so you can get an idea of the massive amounts of funny that is getting thrown around the Twittersphere. I’ll do this every once in a while to keep the Twitter-less readers “in the loop”.

Here’s a tweet I did about American Idol back in April. I sent this when they were still in the top 10.

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My 15 step plan for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Posted in humor, pop culture, zombies with tags Apocalypse, humor, pop culture, Zombie Apocalypse, zombies on May 7, 2009 by Paxton

First of all, welcome to all the new readers who got here through StumbleUpon. Apparently someone recommended my McDonald’s commercials article from Tuesday and I got a flood of visitors “stumbling” onto my blog. So welcome new readers, hope you enjoy your stay and stick around to enjoy some AWESOME goodness. Today, I discuss, the Zombie Apocalypse.

It’s inevitable. There will be an apocalypse. The only question is, what kind? Will the computers become self-aware, rise up SkyNet-style and annihilate all humans? Will the robots we build all of a sudden get sick of being used to disarm bombs or fetch us a beer and rise up to take over the world? Maybe the mighty Leprechaun army will finally gather and surge against their overly tall oppressors who are constantly searching for their “pot ‘o gold”. Any of these scenarios are viable apocalypse situations. Another more popular situation involves the dead walking around feasting on living brain tissue. This one is known as the Zombie Apocalypse.

Every guy grows up knowing about these various apocalypse situations. Some believe more in the Computer Apocalypse, some put their money on the Robot Apocalypse. Now, I admit, on paper, the idea of living robots rising up against humanity or the undead walking the Earth eating brains sounds pretty bad ass but, in reality, the situation would be pretty horrifying. So, in preparation, many guys make their “Apocalypse Contingency Plan”. In the event of one of the aforementioned apocalypses actually happening, this “contingency plan” would allow you and your loved ones to survive the difficult coming months. So, as I’m a believer in World War Z (aka WWZ, aka Zombie Apocalypse), I thought I’d present to you my 15 step plan for surviving the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.

Note: Early in our marriage, I let my wife in on this contingency plan. She laughed and mocked the idea of a zombie apocalypse. She is no longer a part of the contingency plan.

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How my iPod Shuffle controls my runs like a mini-dictator

Posted in Apple, exercise, humor, iPod, life, running, technology with tags Apple, exercise, humor, iPod, life, running on April 16, 2009 by Paxton

Okay, I mentioned earlier that I ran the Gate River Run here in Jacksonville on Mar 14. Well, I was able to run the whole 9.3 miles and I finished in 1hr and 33minutes. That’s right at 10 minute miles. I’m happy with that and I hope to break that next year. If you want to see some pics of me during the race click here. Beware, I look ROUGH.

I’ve had a few people ask what I like to listen to when I’m running and the answer is my iPod Shuffle. I load it up with some awesome running tunes and then just let it pick the order. It’s great. As for the type of music, I enjoy hard rock and a bit of gangsta rap when I run. I need high energy to keep me going. No ballads or wimpy crap. I need ball-drivin’, head-bangin’, car-crashin’, ear-splittin’ RAAAAWWWWWWK when I run.

The other day I was feeling saucy so I hooked my Shuffle up to the computer and set iTunes to auto-load songs. This means I have no idea what was picked as everything was just picked at random. Normally, I tell iTunes what songs I want, then the iPod picks the playlist order, but this time I let iTunes pick the songs. FYI…that was a HUGE mistake. I have this running condition called MADD, Music Attention Deficit Disorder. I may LOVE a song in the car, but when I’m running, odds are, I’m going to hate it. Seriously, when I’m running, the chances of me liking a song are cut to 50%, at least.

Want to know how my run went? Below is the horrible sound track to a man dying. There were some good songs, but then, there was everything else.

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Weekly Geeks 2009-09 — Favorite book/author quotes

Posted in books, humor, Mark Twain, Weekly Geeks with tags authors, books, Mark Twain, Weekly Geeks on March 10, 2009 by Paxton

It’s time, once again, for that weekly dose of geekiness, Weekly Geeks!

This week’s theme is “A Quote A Day”. They want you to give 7 quotes from or about your favorite books and/or authors. We can post one a day, several a day, as long as you get in about 7 quotes. Here’s the task:

You may want to come up with a theme, such as favorite passages from books, author quotes, political quotes, quotes about books or reading, humorous quotes, whatever. Or you may not want a theme at all; maybe you just want to gather up seven assorted quotes that appeal to you. You may want to start each of your posts of the week with a quote, or you may want to give quotes posts of their own in addition to your regular posts. It’s all up to you!

One of my favorite authors of all time is Mark Twain. He is consistently one of the most entertaining writers of fiction and non-fiction we have ever known.

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It’s Ninja Day 2008!!!

Posted in holiday, humor, life, Ninja Day, ninjas with tags Ninja Day, ninjas on December 5, 2008 by Paxton

That’s right, it’s that time of the year once again. December 5th. The Day of the Ninja. Today is a day to celebrate the lethal, the invisible, the AWESOME…Ninja.

Regular readers know that this blog celebrates Ninja Day every year. See last year here. And 2006 here.

Many people ask me what it’s like to be a ninja. Really, being a ninja is just like being a normal person, except faster and more awesome. People also want to know if just by being a bad ass ninja do I get out of many fights or, every once in a while, do I get to deliver a glorious and spectacular ninja death unto some poor soul’s sorry ass. The answer is, I get to deliver ninja justice onto people everyday. Sometimes multiple times in a day. Let’s take a look at a few of the attacks I see on a daily basis.

Pax Enter the Dragon