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Ninja Day 2009: Things that make a Bad Ass NINJA…well, BAD ASS

Posted in humor, Ninja Day, ninjas with tags humor, Ninja Day, ninjas on December 4, 2009 by Paxton

Tomorrow, Dec 5, is Ninja Day, my friends. Time to break out the katana, sharpen it up and prepare for all the face and gut stabbing that’ll be required on this most glorious of days!! It’s gonna be a gut/face stabbing extravaganza. Are you prepared?

Since it’s Ninja Day Eve, I thought I’d go ahead and post this year’s ninja celebratory article today. I get a lot of hits on my previous Ninja Day articles for mainly two reasons. One, the articles are about BAD ASS ninjas (duh) and two, THEY ARE ABOUT BAD ASS NINJAS. Seriously, check them out. This blog has been celebrating Ninja Day since 2006. And that is not going to stop on my watch.

I get plenty of comments about the copious amounts of ninja love on this blog. I’m always asked “how can I, too, become a bad ass ninja like yourself?”. Good question, but let’s make one thing clear; you can become a ninja, but that won’t make you bad ass like myself. However, since this is a valid question I thought I’d impart to all my “ninja civilian” readers what makes a bad ass ninja. What do ninjas do on a daily basis that make them so much more bad-ass awesome than a normal person? You constantly have to work at being BAD ASS and a ninja. Like P-Diddy said, “Mo BAD ASS, Mo Problems” (I’m paraphrasing).

So here are a few things that make a bad ass ninja (like myself), well, BAD ASS.

Bedside Battle Monkey
The first thing you should know, I can’t wake up to a regular alarm clock. Regular alarm clocks are for normal people who aren’t bad ass ninjas. Awesome ninjas like myself need something more dangerous to get us out of bed and out the door. Personally, I wake up to the attacks of a monkey in robotic battle armor that is trained to kill me (pic above). Seriously, that monkey is literally trained to tear out my stomach and dance around with my entrails like he’s at some psychotic rave party. To start my day, I must fight this Battle Monkey Alarm (BMA) in order to get out of the house. And believe you me, this monkey is trained well. Our battles are like 3 hours long. Not only does this get my blood pumping in the morning (and not just figuratively), it keeps my killing instincts sharp. When the insides of my bedroom are covered in Battle Monkey’s gore and feces (even battle monkeys like throwing poo) I can then continue my morning with my next ritual, a hot cup ‘o joe.

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Kick ass alternative covers for books and movies

Posted in Back to the Future, books, Harry Potter, movies, ninjas, Penguin Classics, pop culture with tags advertising, books, movies on February 20, 2009 by Paxton

Last week I did a Weekly Geeks theme in which I discussed several alternate, foreign book covers for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It was cool doing the research for that and while looking around I came across several other alternate book covers that were so cool I had to share them here.

The covers we’ll look at today are different than the Harry Potter covers, though. The book covers I am going to show you today are entirely fan created by graphics artists. They create them because they are a fan of design and there are several initiatives on their blogs and in Flickr where they create these designs just to stay sharp and keep up on their designing skills. These book covers may not be real, but they rock. They look entirely professional, like some publisher actually created these and are selling them somewhere. Don’t go thinking they are available in some crazy limited edition in Uruguay, and I had to traipse my lazy, white ass through the Uruguayan jungles to find these little treasures. I didn’t, I barely want to traipse my ass to the fridge for another Girl Scout Cookie. I’m not going to Uruguay for a book. However, if these books were real, I would be very tempted to try.

So let’s start off with cover redesigns from the series I talked about last week; Harry Potter (click the images for larger versions).

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It’s Ninja Day 2008!!!

Posted in holiday, humor, life, Ninja Day, ninjas with tags Ninja Day, ninjas on December 5, 2008 by Paxton

That’s right, it’s that time of the year once again. December 5th. The Day of the Ninja. Today is a day to celebrate the lethal, the invisible, the AWESOME…Ninja.

Regular readers know that this blog celebrates Ninja Day every year. See last year here. And 2006 here.

Many people ask me what it’s like to be a ninja. Really, being a ninja is just like being a normal person, except faster and more awesome. People also want to know if just by being a bad ass ninja do I get out of many fights or, every once in a while, do I get to deliver a glorious and spectacular ninja death unto some poor soul’s sorry ass. The answer is, I get to deliver ninja justice onto people everyday. Sometimes multiple times in a day. Let’s take a look at a few of the attacks I see on a daily basis.

Pax Enter the Dragon

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Google Gmail: Now with ninjas!!

Posted in Gmail, Google, ninjas, reviews, technology with tags Gmail, Google, ninjas, technology on November 25, 2008 by Paxton

I joined Google’s Gmail service back in March of 2005. At that point, you could only join by invitation. I was able to find a guy that had a Gmail account on one of the tech websites I usually visit (PCMag.com) and got him to forward me an invitation. Once I was approved and given a log on, I tried it out. I was immediately in love. Google Gmail is simple, elegant, and has TONS of space to store all of your emails. It’s because Gmail started offering 2.5Gb of storage that Yahoo! Mail had to up their limit too. While Gmail’s form factor, or interface, is minimal (which is typical Google), the functionality is fantastic.

Gmail has many cool features that I enjoy. Instead of folders, it uses labels. You can affix multiple labels to a message and search on these labels. Makes finding emails easier. Also, Gmail will sort your emails into groups. Emails with the same subject get stacked on top of each other into a message thread called a “conversation”. This lets you see all the emails pertaining to a subject instead of having to search through 15 separate emails for a piece of info. It also lets you see each email within the context it was sent. This particular behavior takes some getting used to, but I love it now that I am.

For the first few years Google added small items of functionality to Gmail, but the online interface remained the same. When you logged on, this is pretty much what you saw.

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Day of the Ninja dawns again

Posted in holiday, humor, Ninja Day, ninjas, pirates with tags holiday, humor, Ninja Day, ninjas, pirates on December 5, 2007 by Paxton

Yes, my friends, Ninja Day has dawned once again. Today is officially, Day of the Ninja. It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since I revealed to you all that I was one of the dark clan and we last celebrated this most sacred of holidays.

If you don’t know, today is the day we celebrate those that belong to that most deadly of fraternities; The Ninja. It is also a day to shun those that belong to the group that opposes all that ninjas stand for, the ninja arch-nemesis, The Pirate. In case you fail to see the difference in the clean, deadly ninja and the dirty, mouth-breathing Pirate, here’s a chart for your convenience. Click the chart to go to the Official Headquarters of Ninja Day.

How can you celebrate ninja day? Quietly, but deadly, stalk one of your co-workers. Figure out 50 different ways to kill the person you are currently talking to. Find a pirate and torture him slowly, then using only your wits and an old shoe, kill him (or, if you are more advanced, a good luck troll). If you get hungry during Ninja Day, place a to-go order with Ninja Burger. Don’t worry about giving them your address, they know where you live. If your food isn’t there in 30 minutes, they commit Seppuku.

As you see, there are many things you can do to celebrate Ninja Day. If you got questions then The Ninja has answers, check out the Ask A Ninja podcasts. Immerse yourself in the lore and mystery of the ninja today. They deserve your utmost respect.

After all, there’s only two seconds separating you and the business end of a katana.

Did you enjoy this? You can check out my other Ninja Day Posts here

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