Archive for the humor Category

Spockcation 2009: My adventures in Jacksonville with 12″ Spock

Posted in Florida, humor, Jacksonville, movies, Star Trek with tags , , , , , , , on June 30, 2009 by Paxton

Spockcation 2009

Spock arrived last week and we got to spend the weekend together. I showed him the sights of Jacksonville and we bonded. It was nice.

Eclectorama is going to post a few of my pictures from this weekend as he’s the Spockcation host. But I’ll go ahead and show you guys a few of the pics with some commentary. If you want to see more of these pics head to my Spockcation 2009 Flickr set. Click the below images to make them BIGGER.

Spock reads ST novelSpock reads MadSpock reads Mad 2

While waiting around for me to get home from work Spock had lots of time to read. Surprisingly, his reading choices did not deviate from reading about himself. The dude is a narcissist.

Continue reading

Spockcation 2009: Spock has arrived!!

Posted in humor, movies, random, Star Trek with tags , , , , , on June 24, 2009 by Paxton

Spockcation 2009

I posted back in April that I was a part of Eclectorama’s Spockcation 2009.  Spockcation 2009 involves a 12″ Spock action figure traveling abroad and getting his picture taken in tons of different cities.  As of two days ago, Spock has arrived at my place.  I’ll be spending the next week hanging out with him.  I have some fun places for us to visit.  Maybe we’ll visit the beaches and scope for chicks, maybe visit Jacksonville Memorial Stadium where the Jacksonville Jags play, maybe I’ll even challenge him to a drinking contest because we all know Vulcans can’t hold their liquor.  We’ll see where the week takes us.

It’s time to get rowdy like a 1st grade classroom.  I’ll post the pics of the aftermath of our Vulcan Olympics next week.

Spock's Arrival

3 Wolf and Moon shirt is officially greatest shirt in the Universe

Posted in humor, pop culture with tags , , , on June 5, 2009 by Paxton

Here’s some Friday fun for everyone. A new phenomenon has taken over the internet. The 3 Wolf/Moon shirt.

3 Wolf and Moon Shirt

This seemingly trailer park attire has become incredibly popular the last few months causing the shirt to become the #1 best selling apparel item on Amazon.com.  That’s right, this shirt is the #1 selling clothing item on Amazon.  WTF, you ask?  The popularity is based on the customer reviews.  People have started writing ironic and snarky comments expounding the virtues of wearing one of these shirts. People talk about how the shirt will increase your success with the opposite sex, fill the empty void in your soul, raise the dead, transport you to another dimension to meet the Wolf God and many, many other incredible feats.

Here are some of my favorite reviews (Click the images to see them full size):

3 Wolf review 1
Continue reading

Little Women Fight Club: Ways to make classic literature more AWESOME

Posted in books, Classic literature, humor with tags , , , on June 3, 2009 by Paxton

Used BookstoreTo completely misquote Ron Burgundy, “I love books. Books-y, books, books. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” Okay, the last half of that mis-quote didn’t make any sense, but you get the point, I love to read. You can check the ever changing I Just Read and I Am Reading book sections on my blog’s sidebar (over there —>)to see what I’m currently enjoying and what I just finished enjoying. I thought about including what books I have “on deck” ready to be read in that sidebar, but really, it’s a crap shoot what gets picked up to be read next.  There’s no guarantee what I put there will, in fact, come next.

Anywho, sometimes I get on reading tangents where I want to knock out a few books that “the man” considers “classics”.  Stuff I never got to read while in school, or something I did read in school that I remember liking, but don’t remember a thing about it.  These are usually fun tangents and it’s allowed me to discover books like The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas, which I never read in school, but is FANTASTIC (why the hell didn’t I read that in school?).  However, there are some classics that I should read, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to read.  Books by authors like Bronte, Joyce and Austen, while considered classics by “people in the know”, are considered flowery, boring and gay by “me”.  If I fall asleep reading the synopsis on the back of the book, then there is little hope the ENTIRE book is going to keep my interest.  So there was a whole section of classic literature that I avoided and I was fine with that.  Until savant/genius/author Seth Graham-Smith decided he too thought classic literature needed a little help in being “less literary” and “more AWESOME”.  Thusly was Pride & Prejudice & Zombies birthed upon our virgin world.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Graham-Smith infuses a subplot involving a battle with the undead into the literary classic thereby making it relevant to guys everywhere.  I mean, what good is a literary classic if NO ONE wants to read it?  Seriously.  Besides, what is more romantic than fighting off an army of the undead?  It’s okay if you can’t come up with an answer to that question, there isn’t an answer other than ‘NOTHING’.

So, I thought, in what other books would this work?  The possibilities are endless.  So I sat down at my desk at work….um, I mean the table at home, after I got off work….and came up with a few more twists on some boring classic literature books that would get me to read them.  Come enjoy the awesome-ness with me.

Little Women Fight Club

Original Synopsis – Follows the lives of the four March sisters as they live, love and learn their way through life. It’s an allegorical novel that champions the strength of women during a time in America when women weren’t considered strong.

New More AWESOME Synopsis – The four March sisters, Jo, Meg, Beth and Amy, are always fighting. One day, a fight promoter, James Lawrence, happens upon one of their more viscous fights and gets an idea. Guys everywhere would pay to see these ladies just go at it in an all out battle royal. Mr Lawrence talks to the girls’ father and, having recently lost a good amount of the family’s money, he agrees to let Mr Lawrence train the girls for a traveling “girl fight” festival. The promoter recruits a few other girls from the nearby area and trains them in boxing and Greco-Roman wrestling. The girls then tour the country side with Mr Lawrence, fighting in a 10 woman battle royal 6 nights a week. The story follows the girls across the country as they live in the festival caravan and fight, love and learn in various small towns across 19th century America. This new version also shows the strength of women…in revealing clothing…in non-sanctioned bloody cage matches. Movie rights are pending.

Continue reading

Bait and Switch: Horrible movies that had great trailers

Posted in humor, internet, movies, pop culture with tags , , , , , on May 27, 2009 by Paxton

preview_screenIt’s happened to all of us. You are sitting in the theater, watching the coming attractions, waiting for your movie to start, and a trailer comes on that blows you through the back of the theater. You think, “That looks AWESOME!” and mentally make a note to check it out later. When the day comes that you can finally check out the movie you’ve been building up in your mind for months, you are disappointed. Maybe more so, maybe you are pissed. Perhaps even outright hostile towards the movie which did nothing to you except suck the will to live out of you.  It’s called the “bait and switch”.  Offer you one thing to get you in the theater, then give you something completely different.

Cutting together a trailer has almost become an art form in today’s Hollywood.  How many times have you watched a trailer and one funny line kills you, then you go see the movie and that was the only funny thing in the entire flaming pile of “poo doo”?  Too often.  Movie trailers should be considered a social contract.  If you promise to deliver an ass-melting action movie, then you better damn well deliver or I get to go to the director’s (or actors’, or producers’) home  and suplex them through their glass topped living room table.  It’s only fair.

Let’s take a look at a list of movies that had really awesome trailers, only to not deliver on said promise of awesome.

Snakes on a Plane
Snakes on a Plane (2006) – When the trailer for this movie started making the rounds on the internet in 2005-2006, it blew up big. Everyone was talking about it. People thought this movie was going to open HUGE. It didn’t. Turns out the movie kinda blew. The best part of the movie was Samuel Jackson and his one line about muthaf’n snakes which, by the way, was not originally in the film and added during post-production.  The expectations were too high for a Grade B horror movie that works better late at night, on HBO with like 5 drunk friends.  Surprisingly, it’s not as entertaining when you’ve just paid $10 for admission, $20 for concessions and aren’t completely bombed.

Continue reading