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While the wife’s away, the DVD will play…

Posted in food, humor, movies, reviews, TV shows on June 22, 2007 by Paxton

The wife, while on summer vacation, has decided to embark on a road trip that is quite ambitious. For the last week she drove to Birmingham, AL to visit some friends and family and then drove to Atlanta to see more friends. She returned last Sunday afternoon, spent the next two evenings with her lonely husband only to leave on Tuesday morning to visit her parents in Ft Worth, TX. It’s an insane schedule and every chance I got I looked at her with the “crazy eyes” so she’d know what I thought of the whole fiasco.

Regardless of what I think, she’s forcing me into bachelorhood for a couple weeks. What have I been doing with this time? Well, I’d love to say I’d written several blog articles, mowed and trimmed the lawn, did laundry, cleaned up the house, showered or, at the very least, put on pants. However, I can’t say that, because it would be an “untruth”. What I can say that I did is sit my lazy ass on our couch, watch DVDs and eat. And pee (but not on the couch, obviously). So I thought I’d rip through some of my activities for the last week so you can see what a guy does when his significant other has left him to his own devices for over a week. Enjoy.

One of the goals of my recently thrust upon “bachelorhood” is to watch stuff that Steph wouldn’t want to. So I decided to start with a set of DVDs I have of a TV show that I never got around to watching, it’s called Undeclared. The show aired about 10 episodes in 2001 and was created by Judd Apatow, one of the men behind many of today’s funniest stuff including 40 Year Old Virgin, Talledega Nights and the recent movie Knocked Up. Actually, that last movie is a reunion of sorts for many of the collaborators on the show Undeclared. This show is really funny and I didn’t realize how many current stars make an appearance within the 13 episodes. You’ll see Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Jason Segel (Marshall on How I Met Your Mother), Sarah Carter (Madeline on Shark), Amy Poehler, Tom Welling (Clark on Smallville) and Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. It’s shocking. This show deserved to run for a few more seasons as it’s funny and sweet and I really enjoyed it.

What else? I tackled a trip to the supermarket without Steph. This may be dangerous, for everyone involved. If I am allowed to run un-supervised throughout the grocery, we wind up with things in our pantry that have no business being there. Yes, yes we need a giant jar of peanut butter mixed with jelly (no we don’t). And how does a normal, red-blooded American man say no to a carton of ice cream labeled “Fried Ice Cream”? How? I mean, the ice cream isn’t actually fried, it just tastes like it’s fried. GENIUS, and I have to have it. Soda flavored like caramel apples? Yes, please. These are the kind of things I’m forbidden from picking up when Steph is with me. Without her, it’s free reign for my wacky buying tendencies. This day will live in infamy, however, as I did procure a rather strangely labeled bag of Doritos. It’s an all black and white bag with Doritos X-13d flavor experiment scrawled across it. I’m suprised at this move from Doritos so soon after Smokin’ Cheddar BBQ won the last flavor gimmick. The contest challenges you to come up with a name for the flavor, yet they aren’t telling you the flavor. You have to guess. The only clue you get is on the bottom of the bag, they describe it as ‘An American Classic’. Well, I have tasted it my friends and it’s good. Real good. I couldn’t quite place the flavor at first, but when I looked at the clue again and tasted another handful it hit me……it’s a flippin’ cheeseburger. Yes, cheeseburger flavored Doritos. The heavens have opened and angels have released this wonderful bounty from the heavens….like rain….cheeseburger flavored rain. I love it. My neighbor, Dr. Mike, thinks they suck and was sure to tell me how much they suck. However, my hairless, military doctor friend, these chips ROCK. Cheeseburger flavored Doritos are the salve to this nation’s many wounds (take that, Dr. Mike).

DOA Next, I went to see a movie called DOA: Dead or Alive. Check out the wacky trailer here. That trailer doesn’t begin to describe the mind-numbing stupidity of this movie. Don’t get me wrong, though, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. This movie has 4 of the hottest women I’ve ever seen traipsing around in bikinis and fighting each other with crazy, slow-motion martial arts. It’s amazing how well edited this movie is because every one of the chicks in this movie looks like they are a bad-ass martial artist, which is good because not one of the chicks in this movie looks like even a moderately good actor. If you see this movie, and I think you should, see it because it’s fun, completely wacky, and makes little to no sense. You won’t find Dame Judy Dench or Meryl Streep in this movie, and trust me, you wouldn’t want them to be.

Well, that’s what I’ve been doing this week. Tomorrow morning, EARLY, I leave for Ft. Worth, TX to visit the in-laws. I’ll be back on Sunday, so maybe I’ll have some good material to write about on Monday. We’ll see.

Have a good weekend everybody.

Holley….OUT.

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College Graduation: 10 Year Anniversary

Posted in college life, Flickr, holiday, humor, life, personal with tags college, personal on June 13, 2007 by Paxton

June 13. On this day in 1997, I walked in the graduation ceremony at Auburn University. Hard to believe it’s been 10 years since that day. Today is Wednesday, but in 1997 it was a Friday. That’s right, I graduated on Friday the 13th, pretty cool, huh? I had received and accepted a job offer right after Spring Break 1997 so my last few months were spent trying not to fail my last few courses. I was scheduled to attend job training for seven weeks starting that August, however, several friends that were going to work at the same company changed their training to June 16th, the Monday after graduation. I thought, “what the hell…”, so on Sunday, June 15th, I boarded a plane for Dallas, TX to begin my new job (well, training). It’s been a whirlwind since then. Wow.

In honor of this day, let’s take a trip down memory lane and see a few pics of me in college and during the aforementioned training in Dallas. Sound good?

Follow me.

LOL…okay, this is my college id. Stop laughing. This photo was taken in June 1992. I used this id throughout college. You can click on the picture to see a larger version. Maybe even use it as your desktop wallpaper. Stop laughing. I only got a new id during my Senior year when I believed I would have to turn in my id when I graduated. Obviously I didn’t. Stop laughing. Even though I grew up in Alabama, I was a surfer at heart. Stop laughing.

Here I am right after the graduation ceremony. I’m posing with the sign telling the business grads where to sit. At this point, I now have a Bachelor’s of Science in Management Information Systems. I was so excited to be a college graduate. In two days I’d be flying off to Dallas to begin my career as a consultant (which would last for the next 8 years).

Here I am with my parents right after graduation. This is just outside the basketball coliseum where the graduation was held. There is no diploma in the black case I am holding. The diplomas were mailed out separately after the administration had checked that you don’t have any unpaid library fees, tuition, outstanding warrants or misdemeanors. I mean, I did, of course, but that’s a tale for another blog article.

This is my room senior year. I lived in an apartment complex called The Patio with my brother. I only lived there my senior year as my roommate the past 4 years had graduated. Tidy, isn’t it? That computer on the desk was top-of-the-line for 1996, when I got it. 133Mhz Pentium processor with 16Mb of RAM. 16!!! Oh, it also had a SCREAMING FAST 28.8Kbps modem as there was no cable internet at the time. I don’t know how I got any work done on it. Nowadays, it would be like trying to figure out your taxes on an abacus.

Well, that was fun. Hope you enjoyed the pictures. You can click on any of them to get bigger versions. Please, feel free to comment or email me to give me hell about my college id picture. Trust me, everyone does. 🙂

I may have a wrap up article on Friday. Stay tuned.

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Shut-ins: I can see the appeal

Posted in humor, living life, personal on June 11, 2007 by Paxton

Shut In Man, I promise you more content and what do I do, skip ANOTHER week? I’m such a tool. Really. It’s not like I didn’t have time the weekend before last to write a few buffer articles. I didn’t DO anything. Literally. My wife and I shut ourselves up in the house, Howard Hughes-style, and watched movies and tv shows ALL WEEKEND. I know people throw that phrase around a lot, but they still got out of the house to go eat or rent movies or go to the store. I however, am dead serious when I say the only reason I got off the couch was to get something to eat……..and pee. And it was everything I wished it could be.

Sometimes you really need to take a weekend and do nothing. Based on my blog production (or lack thereof) these past few weeks, you can see I got things going on. I’m in the middle of this big project at work so my writing time is scarce, and there are several personal things going on that are also “cloggin’ the noggin”. I needed a weekend to just shut down the gray matter for a few hours and recharge. And we did just that. Wow. This could easily become a lifestyle for me. Three days of wearing the same underwear. Three days of not showering. Three days of not leaving the La-Z-Boy. It’s almost hypnotic. I started growing into the recliner leather. We were becoming one. It was a beautiful thing. I forgot there was a world outside the den. It was like my wife, the cat and I lived in our house and nothing else existed outside. It was beautiful, yet sad, at the same time. If I had actually left the den/kitchen area to go to the garage to retrieve our bucket (never would have happened, but IF), I wouldn’t have even had to get up to go to the bathroom, which boggles the mind right there (why didn’t I think of that?).

So, for the time being I’m back……again. Yes, I said it before, then promptly left again, but again-again, I’m back. Prepare for an article on Wednesday (which I’ve been planning since earlier this year) which happens to be an anniversary for me.

Of what, you ask? Well, I answer, check back on Wednesday to see you cheeky monkey.

Till Wed, I’m OUT.

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Death by Taurine: Energy Drink Reviews Part III

Posted in Coca Cola, Death By Taurine, humor, reviews, soda with tags Coca Cola, Death By Taurine, reviews, soda, sodapalooza on April 16, 2007 by Paxton

Checking the traffic stats of my blog I noticed that the energy drink reviews I wrote last year have become moderately popular (by moderately, I mean two or three people OTHER than my mother have read them). Since I wrote those articles, a few new energy drinks have popped up in stores so I thought I would take a crack at reviewing this new group of drinks.

If you missed the first two groups of reviews:
Click here for Death by Taurine Part I
Click here for Death by Taurine Part II

Now that those formalities are over with, let’s take a look at 5 new energy drinks and see if they are the real deal, or if they should be tossed into the landfill along with that giant pile of Atari E.T. game cartridges. Let’s find out.

Vault Red Blitz – I reviewed Vault and Sugar-Free Vault (now called Vault Zero) in Part II of Death By Taurine. In short, it’s a very sweet tasting Citrus soda with no energy kick. I was pretty harsh to Vault originally, but I’ve grown to enjoy Vault Zero a little more lately. Despite the confusing marketing as a “hybrid energy soda”, I stand by the opinion that Vault is rockin’ no energy boost whatsoever. Despite this, Vault must be selling fairly well because Coke just released the “berry-infused” Red Blitz. “Berry Infused”?! Could we be a little less specific? What kind of berry? Raspberry? Cherry? Boysenberry? Snosberry? WHAT?! Well, I think it’s cherry, but it’s hard to tell because the berry flavor is actually just as generic as the moniker. The generic berry flavor is good mixed with Vault’s base citrus flavor, but once again, Vault didn’t get the memo that energy sodas are supposed to give you a boost. I’m also sad that there is no Vault Zero Red Blitz, but I hope they release one soon because I would drink it. Energy Fiend says it would take 195 cans of Vault to kill me.

Enviga – Like many things Coke related (see Vault), this drink has had a huge marketing campaign. A lot of it extolling the virtues of it’s calorie burning properties. Yes, according to Coke, the green tea extract and other herbal ingredients cause you to burn more calories digesting the drink than the drink contains, thereby creating a negative calorie situation. This is, of course, absurd, so Coke is in a little controversy right now about false advertising. All that aside, the drink is only okay. The AMC theaters my wife and I go to give these out for free if you are a MovieWatcher member and buy a combo. So I’ve tried the Green Tea and Berry flavors for free. I actually bought the Peach version but had to give myself a V-8 slap in the forehead after tasting it because it was sweeter and not as good as the other too. All three, though, are almost too sweet and sugary for my taste, but if Jack Bauer had me tied to a chair and was threatening to kill my wife and shoot me in the kneecap if I didn’t pick one, then I’d say Berry is better. Give them a try, if you don’t like them throw back a Coolah instead (see review below). Energy Fiend says it would take 136.5 cans of Enviga to kill me.

Full Throttle Blue Demon – I reviewed Full Throttle in Death by Taurine Part II. I said it is my favorite tasting energy drink, but there is no energy kick whatsoever. Well, Coke released a Blue Agave flavored Full Throttle aimed at the Hispanic market recently so I decided to try it. This flavor is apparently named after a famous Mexican wrestler called Blue Demon, and the blue agave flavor is very popular south of the border. It definitely tastes different than original Full Throttle. The taste is closer to the SoBe energy drink I reviewed in Death by Taurine Part I. It’s a more fruity and less Mt Dew taste. I honestly didn’t really like it. Reminded me too much of the SoBe debacle, although I was able to finish this can whereas I was not able to finish the SoBe can. Again, like it’s Full Throttle brethren, Blue Demon forgot to stand in line when they were passing out energy boosts in Soda Heaven so it comes to the table without one. It’s like Coke is “waving its private parts” in the general direction of the energy drink market. Release versions of their regular soda with a little more caffeine and call it a day. Well I say “Nuts to you, Coke!” Energy Fiend says it would take 96.81 cans of Full Throttle to kill me.

Mountain Dew AMP – You may see the Mountain Dew logo on the can and ask yourself, “what is the difference between Amp and MDX?” Yourself probably won’t have an answer. But my answer is, “one is an energy drink and one is an energy soda.” WTF does that mean?! I don’t know, Coke started this whole “energy soda” business with Vault. It’s just Coke and Pepsi trying to create new crap out of old crap for us to buy like the good little consumers we are. So…..I bought it. Regardless of the shoddy marketing, Amp tastes very similar to Full Throttle and has the same missing energy boost. The name says it all, it’s an amped up Mountain Dew (caffeine-wise). Also, Amp recently, like Vault, got a flavor extention called Amp Overdrive. It’s a cherry flavored version, much like Red Blitz. I think I like Amp Overdrive better than the original Amp, but not as much as Vault Red Blitz. I did get a noticeable energy kick from drinking the Amp Overdrive, but it may be because I drank the “Big Rig” can which holds double the normal amount of drink. Does the world really need a “Big Rig” of Amp Overdrive? I mean, really? They should change the name from Big Rig to “The Urine-ator”. It gave me the longest pee ever. Seriously, it was like the perfect storm. Unbelievable. But I digress. I had the Amp Overdrive at 8am and I was still buzzing by bedtime. That’s some serious energy kickage. There is no sugar free Amp, so you are drinking over 200 calories with each can. A good choice if you don’t mind the extra calories. Energy Fiend says it would take 182 cans of Mt Dew Amp to kill me.

Coolah – Coolah is an Australian energy drink (CRIKEY!!) based on another drink called Solo. Hey Australia, why hasn’t there been a Crocodile Dundee energy drink, or a Crocodile Hunter energy drink? WHY?! The world is begging for them!! NOW!! Anywho, Coolah has a surprisingly mild, lemony taste. In fact, it’s taste is extremely similar to Sprite, with a little extra lemon flavor. It’s very good. Unfortunately it comes in the newer 16oz cans with which I have a little trouble finishing (much like the “Big Rig” above). Who really needs this much energy drink? You could wake the dead with cans of this size. It’s crazy. With regular soda you only get 12oz in a can, but with energy drinks that have twice the caffeine, sugar and taurine (and, sometimes, calories), you get an extra 4oz. Why? It’s ludicrous…and I don’t mean the rapper. The energy kick is pretty bitchin’ too. Wow, it’s like I’m sitting in a wind tunnel, but I’m actually just at my desk. This is one of the nicest buzzes I’ve had in a while (legally, of course, haha). That energy high lasted until bedtime, too, with very little energy crash. This may take the crown as my new favorite energy drink. So grab a can of this magic elixir and enjoy the ride, bro. Energy Fiend says it would take 91 cans of Coolah to kill me.

Updated!! Death By Taurine Part IV now online!

Technorati Tags – energy drinks reviews Full Throttle Mountain Dew Vault Enviga

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TGIF and being the “WCB”

Posted in humor, personal on April 13, 2007 by Paxton

Happy Friday, everyone. It’s almost 4pm, so it’s almost time for me to blow this piece for the weekend.

A few quick notes to finish off the week:

For the second time this week I had to change the bottle on the water cooler in the break room. Both times this week I’ve walked in and the bottle is completely empty. I KNOW I’m not the only one in this building drinking water. And even if I was, I’m not drinking two water cooler sized bottles a week. That’s absurd. Does no one else know how to do it or do they not want to bother? WTF?! When did I become the “water cooler bitch” (WCB)? The actual problem is, that I’m going to keep changing it whenever I see it’s empty instead of forcing someone else to do it. But I need my H2O, man!!

Mims Man alive, the radio is playing the crap out of “This Is Why I’m Hot” by rapper Mims. It’s like the radio is playing it so much to beat me into submission and finally start liking it. You know what, the radio wins. I like it. Well, I understand that the song is completely stupid and nonsensical, but I can’t help singing along and enjoying listening to it. It’s also good to work out to. So, there you have it, incessant radio play will actually force me to like a song. I’m so easy.