Cavalcade of Awesome

Steph was gone this past weekend so I made it my goal to watch as many movies as I can fit into like 3 days.  And not just any movies, I watched typical “guy” stuff that no self-respecting “lady” would ever sit down and voluntarily watch.  For you guys, I’ll do a quick review on 7 of the movies that I watched for the first time this weekend.  This doesn’t include Star Trek II and Star Trek III which I rewatched on Saturday and Sunday.  I also watched the first four episodes of 24:  Season 7. So, with my butt cramping from sitting on my sectional for 3 days, here are the reveiws of what I watched in my 72 hour Man-athon.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) — Let’s start out with the biggest movie I saw this weekend, Giant F***ing Robots 2:  Megan Fox is Super Hot.  Wait, I mean, Transformers 2:  Revenge of the Fallen.  The title is irrelevant.  To illustrate this, I created the poster above because I thought it more honestly reflected the flat-out AWESOME-ness that is contained in this movie.  For weeks I’ve read how horrible this movie is.  The internet is lambasting it as terrible, and I was prepared to HATE it when I walked out of the theater.  The only reason I saw it was to make fun of it. However, despite the movie’s problems, it is fun to watch and delivers on the “giant robots battling” action.  Don’t get me wrong, there are plot holes large enough to drive a transforming truck through, but the shiny, battling robots and Megan Fox’s partial nudity is well worth it.  I hear you asking, “What type of plot holes, Pax?”  Well, apparently, certain Transformers can teleport.  “Wait, wha-?!”  Yes, Jetfire, who can transform into one of the fastest planes ever created, the SR-71 “Blackbird”, can instantaneously teleport.  Actually, so can The Fallen, who transforms into a spaceship. Why would they ever transform in order to travel?  Why not just always teleport there? Why walk to work when you can drive, you know what I’m sayin’? Doesn’t make sense. There’s also something else that was surprising.  The Twins; Mudflap and Skids.  There’s been a lot of controversy over these guys because they are perceived as being “racially insensitive” caricatures.  Are they racially offensive?  I can see the argument of them being racially offensive.  I know they were put in there for younger audience members to identify with, but damn. They were also considered comic relief, which this movie has a lot of.  It seemed this whole movie was funnier than the first one. Lots of action, lots of funny. Don’t think too hard about the problems.  Like teleporting robots or why they couldn’t use the metal shard to revive Optimus Prime like they did Megatron or why Bumblebee still can’t speak despite the fact he could at the end of the first movie. It’s all just too much to worry about when you have giant f***ing robots beating the crap out of each other in the desert. 3.5/5

Dune (1984) — Okay, as awesomely action filled as Transformers 2 was, this movie is that amount of awful.  Like horrendous on multiple levels.  If you’ve read the original Frank Herbert novel, then this movie will be offensive based on the MANY ridiculous changes David Lynch made to the novel’s story (Weirding Modules?!  Hawat has to milk a hairless cat for the antidote to the residual poison in his body?!  The Mentats’ hilariously long eyebrows?!  Paul magically makes it rain on Arrakis?!).  If you haven’t read the novel, then this is just an insanely boring movie with a half naked Sting staring at you for 30 minutes.  WTF happened between Herbert’s novel and this movie?  I read the book a few months ago and while it was a dense read, it was worth it.  The characters and events are richly textured and the world Herbert creates is fantastic.  Lynch should be f’n ashamed of himself and never been allowed to make another movie after this was released.  True, this book would be hard for anyone to make, but DAMN, Lynch, WTF?!  My eyes have actively declared war on me for making them watch this abomination.  If you are having trouble sleeping and haven’t read the book, watch this movie, you’ll be out like a light in 10 minutes, I promise.  If you have read the book, pretend this movie doesn’t exist.  For now until I die, this movie is dead to me.  I would give it a 0 but it was so bad it almost became entertaining in the same way watching a horrendous car wreck is entertaining. 1/5

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