That’s right, it’s that time of the year once again. December 5th. The Day of the Ninja. Today is a day to celebrate the lethal, the invisible, the AWESOME…Ninja.
Many people ask me what it’s like to be a ninja. Really, being a ninja is just like being a normal person, except faster and more awesome. People also want to know if just by being a bad ass ninja do I get out of many fights or, every once in a while, do I get to deliver a glorious and spectacular ninja death unto some poor soul’s sorry ass. The answer is, I get to deliver ninja justice onto people everyday. Sometimes multiple times in a day. Let’s take a look at a few of the attacks I see on a daily basis.
Yes, my friends, Ninja Day has dawned once again. Today is officially, Day of the Ninja. It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since I revealed to you all that I was one of the dark clan and we last celebrated this most sacred of holidays.
If you don’t know, today is the day we celebrate those that belong to that most deadly of fraternities; The Ninja. It is also a day to shun those that belong to the group that opposes all that ninjas stand for, the ninja arch-nemesis, The Pirate. In case you fail to see the difference in the clean, deadly ninja and the dirty, mouth-breathing Pirate, here’s a chart for your convenience. Click the chart to go to the Official Headquarters of Ninja Day.
How can you celebrate ninja day? Quietly, but deadly, stalk one of your co-workers. Figure out 50 different ways to kill the person you are currently talking to. Find a pirate and torture him slowly, then using only your wits and an old shoe, kill him (or, if you are more advanced, a good luck troll). If you get hungry during Ninja Day, place a to-go order with Ninja Burger. Don’t worry about giving them your address, they know where you live. If your food isn’t there in 30 minutes, they commit Seppuku.
As you see, there are many things you can do to celebrate Ninja Day. If you got questions then The Ninja has answers, check out the Ask A Ninja podcasts. Immerse yourself in the lore and mystery of the ninja today. They deserve your utmost respect.
After all, there’s only two seconds separating you and the business end of a katana.
Did you enjoy this? You can check out my other Ninja Day Posts here
Above is an orientation video for nonjas (or non-ninjas) about the origins of Ninja Day.
In light of the fact that it’s the Day of the Ninja I want to reveal a secret I’ve long held from the people I love. I too am a part of the Dark Brotherhood (no, not the NAACP). I am ninja. I have never revealed this to anyone before.
After an assignment where I’ve killed 30 people with deadly efficiency who have no idea I’m even in the room, I want to be able to tell the people I care about. It’s hard to kill like that. It takes serious concentration, nerves of steel and a little bit of duct tape.
Now that you know that I am ninja, many of you will be scared to talk to me. That’s okay. I understand. Don’t be intimidated by the fact that while talking to you, I’ve instantly come up with at least 75 ways to kill you where you stand using only my steely wits and a shrimp puff I got from the appetizer plate. It’s just what I do. And don’t be unnerved if I just disappear in the middle of a conversation, leaving no trace I was ever there. I’ve just taken a quick break to go kill someone. I’ll be right back to finish whatever discussion we were having, unless, of course, it is you I plan on killing. When I do return, and you are not the one that is dead, ask no questions and pretend I never left. Also, when engaging me in conversation, it would be beneficial to not use any quick or threatening gestures. Sometimes my instincts will kick in and next thing you know I’m standing in a room full of bloody corpses not remembering the awesome, awesome ninja killing that just occurred. You want to talk about a buzz-kill?
It’s just the risks of doing business with a ninja.
So when you see me, just act natural and you won’t have to die.
So how can nonjas celebrate Ninja Day? It’s easy, just act all sneaky and ninja-like. Creep up on a coworker, slit his throat with a paper clip. Maybe you could drop down silently from the ceiling and decapitate your manager. There’s many things nonjas can do to celebrate the random and efficient killing of a ninja. Be creative.
Cavalcade of Awesome 