Archive for vampires

Billy the Kid Week 2010: Freaky Friday the 13th featuring Billy the Kid, The Three Stooges and Dracula

Posted in Billy the Kid, Dracula, monsters, movies, nostalgia, pop culture, reviews, vampires with tags , , , , , , , , on August 13, 2010 by Paxton

Billy the Kid Week

This is Day 5 of Billy the Kid Week. All week I’ve been reviewing movies featuring the character of Billy the Kid. Here are the previous week’s entries:

Day 0: Young Guns II 20th birthday
Day 1: Howard Hughes’ The Outlaw
Day 2: The Left Handed Gun starring Paul Newman
Day 3: Sam Peckinpah’s Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid
Day 4: Young Guns 22nd birthday

Since today is Friday the 13th, I am dubbing today as Billy the Kid Week’s “Freaky Friday”.  I will review one wacky and one scary movie featuring Billy. The first movie will be the Three Stooges’ epic western, The Outlaws IS Coming. The second movie will be the horror schlockfest Billy the Kid vs Dracula. These movies look like they should be appropriately zany, so let’s get started.

The Outlaws is Coming

Released in 1965, this is the last fully completed film featuring The Stooges. They began filming one more movie, Kook’s Tour, in 1970, but Larry had a stroke before filming was completed and the movie sat unfinished and unreleased for years afterward.

The original title of this movie was The Three Stooges Meet The Gunslingers.  That earlier title sounds reminiscent of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein for a reason as this movie is setup in much the same way. Instead of being a “monster rally” movie featuring a famous comedy team, it’s a “gunslinger rally” movie featuring a famous comedy team. There are 9 famous gunslingers in this movie including Billy the Kid, Jesse James, Wild Bill Hickock, Bat Masterson, Wyatt Earp, Johnny Ringo, Cole Younger, Rob Dalton and Belle Star.  Each of the nine gunslingers were played by popular local Kid-TV hosts of the day.  Other notable stars in this film are Adam West as Kenneth Cabot,  a naive ne’er-do-well who works with the Stooges, the gorgeous Nancy Kovack as Annie Oakley and Henry Gibson as Charlie Horse, the Indian chief’s son.  The movie is even narrated by Paul Frees, known for his voice work on Rocky and Bullwinkle (most notably, Boris Badenov).  So, lots of talent were culled together to make this last movie for the Stooges.  West would go on to Batman the very next year.  Nancy Kovack would go on to several roles in geek classics like Queenie in two episodes of West’s Batman as well as Nona in an episode of the original Star Trek in 1968.

The Gunslingers

In the movie, the Stooges work as photographers and “undercover investigators” at an organization similar to the ASPCA.  They work with West’s Cabot and are sent on an undercover mission to Casper, Wyoming to determine why the population of Bison are dwindling.  They discover that a ruthless cattle baron, Rance Roden, has a group of deadly gunslingers killing off the bison to stir up the Indian population into an uprising that will slaughter the cavalry and put Roden in charge of the government (how the cavalry being defeated puts Rance as ruler of the government is not explained).  Oh, and Roden is selling government weapons to the Indians.  We meet the group of gunslingers in the beginning and learn where their territories are.  For some reason, Billy the Kid is said to be in charge of the Dakota Territory instead of Santa Fe (New Mexico, where Billy spent the majority of his life).  Johnny Ringo is in charge of Santa Fe.  Not a big deal since this is a Stooges movie, but it surprised me.  Anyway, we meet the gunslingers in the beginning, then we really don’t see them again until the end when there’s a big gunfight.  So, Billy the Kid only has dialogue in like two scenes.  Also, he’s played with the temperament of a teenager or child.  He whines and cries whenever he doesn’t want to do something.  Roden’s henchman Trigger Mortis (Get it? It’s a play on Rigor Mortis…haha!) gets most of the screen time for the villains.

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The Cavalcade of Awesome watches Twilight New Moon

Posted in monsters, movies, reviews, Twilight, vampires, werewolf, werewolves with tags , , , , , , on May 7, 2010 by Paxton

Twilight New Moon

For regular readers, if you recall, I watched the first Twilight movie last March and was not a fan.

However, thinking back on it, as much as I hated what Stephanie Meyer and Twilight has done to vampires (and literature in general), there were things in the movie that I didn’t hate.  Vampire baseball being one of those.  The “evil” vampires being another.  But I did hate EVERYTHING about Bella and Edward.  EVERYTHING.  The dialogue, the look, the language, the way they acted with each other.  HATED IT.  It was a bad Harlequin romance novel, horrible dialogue and all, gussied up with non-threatening “vegetarian vampires”, a weak willed heroine and an angsty, emo pretty boy (who doesn’t wash his hair) as the anti-hero.

Harlequin Twilight book

So, being the pop culture guru that I am, I felt I needed to continue the series and watch Twilight: New Moon, the first sequel, especially if I’m going to continue talking about how much Twilight is ruining vampires for everyone.  So I got the movie from Netflix and my wife and I sat down to watch it this past Saturday.  Now, to be honest, I wasn’t exactly dreading it.  I was totally expecting not to like the movie, but I thought I could enjoy how completely ridiculous it’ll be and laugh the majority of it off.  Like watching Battlefield Earth after several shots of Jagermeister and Red Bull.  I was wrong.

This movie is so f’n bad that I am ashamed I even watched it.  I’m ashamed for the majority of the actors in the movie.  This movie makes the first Twilight look like Citizen Kane.  It almost makes Battlefield Earth look like Citizen Kane.  It is horrible in the same way that someone kicking a kitten is horrible.  And I don’t know if I should blame the director, writer, author, actors or just curse God for releasing this upon the Earth.

First of all, I was actually kind of excited to see werewolves get thrown into the mix.  The last movie was entirely too full of gay-ass vampires.  We needed some thing more awesome, like big bad ass wolves.  Well, there were werewolves in this movie.  And the wolves were big and bad ass, but look at the guys that turned into the wolves.

Twilight werewolves

Tell me this doesn’t look like the cast of the floor show at San Francisco’s popular nightclub, The Manhole. Are werewolves forbidden from wearing shirts, because these guys don’t wear shirts throughout the entire movie.  And why do they all have to wear jorts (jean shorts)?  These werewolves are less gay than the vampires in the movie, but that’s like saying Elton John is less gay than Liberace.  They are both still GAY.  I don’t feel like these guys want to wolf out and murder me, I feel like they want to give me a lap dance.  So now Stephanie Meyer is ruining werewolves.  Great.

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Abraham Lincoln is going to stake some undead asses and other historical thrillers

Posted in books, pop culture, vampires with tags , , on March 3, 2010 by Paxton

Well, here’s some pretty awesome news. Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies has released his next book. And it’s another fusing of old and AWESOME. It’s called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

The story surrounds a newly found “journal of Abraham Lincoln” that has never before been seen by anyone. In it, we discover that Lincoln’s mother was killed by a vampire over one of his father’s debts.  When the truth became known to the young Abraham Lincoln, he wrote in his journal: “henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become learned in all things—a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose.”

Using the newly found journal as his guide, Grahame-Smith tells the unknown history of one of our greatest presidents and his quest to kill every undead demon he comes across.

I’ll admit, vamps have become a little played out the last few years (thank you, Twilight).  However, this idea is cool and I’m 98% sure these vamps won’t sparkle in the f***ing sun.

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Reviewing the Cirque Du Freak book series

Posted in books, monsters, reviews, vampires with tags , , , , on November 4, 2009 by Paxton

I decided this year to read a bunch of Frankenstein books for Halloween. I reviewed all of  these Frankenstein books during this year’s AWESOME-tober-fest (here, here and here). However, I actually read and finished all of those books at the end of August and early September.

So, to change things up, throughout September and early October I switched genres and read a few action books like Star Wars: Republic Commandos: Hard Contact by Karen Traavis, The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown and Area 7 by Matthew Reilly.  Well, when I finished those, I still had a few weeks of October left and I wanted to read some creepy and/or scary books.  There have been a bunch of ads for the new movie The Vampire’s Assistant starring John C Reilly and I thought they looked pretty good.  I’ve had my eyes on the book series the movie was based on for a while so I decided to give the first book a try (It’s currently on Book 12 which may be the last).  So I put the first book, Cirque Du Freak:  A Living Nightmare on my Paperbackswap.com Wish List and it came to me pretty quickly. So I started reading it.

CDF Living Nightmare

The movie takes it’s name from the second book, but I read somewhere that its story comes from the first three books. The first three books comprise a loose trilogy, as do each successive three books so that within the 12 book series there should be 4 trilogies. Each tied into the main story, but each having their own story arc.

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Twilight: The Art of making vampires lame

Posted in books, movies, pop culture, reviews, Twilight, vampires with tags , , , on March 24, 2009 by Paxton

Twilight posterSo, Twilight came out on DVD this past Saturday.  I’ve had people ask me to read the book or see the movie because they want to know what I think.  I’m told I would love the books and/or movie because I love fantasy/sci-fi books.  Well, as a litmus test, I decided to watch Twilight the movie to decide whether I will continue on with reading the books (I got the first book for Xmas).  I admit, I do love vampires (they are, appropriately, AWESOME) and I do enjoy teen fiction, so this should be a good fit.

So I be-bopped on over to Blockbuster on Saturday afternoon and was able to pick up a copy (one of many left on the shelf) of Twilight on Blu-Ray.  Interesting, because I would think that more copies would be gone from the shelves based on the popularity of this movie.  Conversely, the movies Role Models and Sex Drive were gone completely from the Blu-Ray stacks.  I had to pick up these last two in Standard Def (disappointment already).  Anyway, the wife and I ordered pizza and popped Twilight into the DVD player.

Here’s what I thought: Awful.  Terrible.  Horrible.  I realize I’m about to piss off the collective throngs of Team Edward, but it’s got to be said.  This movie is terrible.

Even my wife didn’t enjoy it.  She didn’t hate it like I did, but she said she preferred the movie Watchmen to Twilight, and to me, that speaks VOLUMES about the enjoyment level of this movie.  Acting, script, the portrayal of the vampires in general.  Just plain God-awful.  Stephanie Meyer takes what’s awesome about vampires, rolls it up into a tiny ball and wipes her ass with it.  Then she sets it on fire and pisses all over the ashes.  Everything I love about vampires is stripped away and made into the Harlequin Romance version of vampires.  And Edward Cullen, is the Fabio of this fable.  They may as well have cast Fabio as Edward.

harlequin twilight

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