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AWESOME-tober-fest 2008!! Some of my favorite scary movies

Posted in Alfred Hitchock, AWESOME-tober-fest, Halloween, holiday, humor, movies, pop culture, reviews with tags AWESOME-tober-fest, AWESOME-tober-fest 2008, Halloween, holiday, movie review, movies, pop culture on October 7, 2008 by Paxton

Welcome back to Week 2 of AWESOME-tober-fest. Last year I did an article telling you guys about some of my favorite scary books. It surprisingly became fairly popular and has been seeing steady traffic. So, this Halloween (AKA AWESOME-tober-fest) I thought I’d list out some of my favorite scary movies.

Now, this won’t be a “scariest movies of all time list”, that’s too easy. This list is gonna be typically Pax-centric. It’s all about what I like, my friends. That’s the only way I can work, ALL ABOUT ME. So this list will consist of movies that I really enjoy watching but not ones that I would consider the greatest Horror/Monster movies of all time. You can Google “Greatest Horror Movies” and literally get thousands of results if that’s what you are looking for, but this list will be a bit more nuanced. And by “nuanced”, I mean “stuff Pax likes”. If that is also your definition of nuanced, then you’ve come to the right blog.

I’ve put this list in chronological order. Let us begin.

Dial ‘M’ For Murder (1954) – A Hitchcock classic. This one really ratchets up the suspense (well, it is Hitchcock). Also, Grace Kelly is beautiful and wonderful as always. I prefer her in Rear Window, however, as she has more to do because, make no mistake, this is Ray Milland’s picture. Oh my lord, this guy is the balls. Cold, calculating, smart. He never once loses his calm demeanor despite being grilled by a Sherlock Holmes wanna-be detective. Ray Milland plays a husband who recruits a man to kill his wife (Grace Kelly). He has everything planned down to the last detail but something goes wrong and he must try to frame another man for the attempt. The script for this was originally a theatrical play, and you can tell by how the cameras were setup and everything was filmed. Also, it was originally released in 3-D, which not many people know, and I got to see it that way on the big screen at the Alabama Theater during Halloween 2003, I believe. This is a great movie.

Psycho (1960) – Hitchcock, again, at his best. Anthony Perkins pulls a fantastic performance here as Norman Bates. It’s easy to see why he was typecast after this movie. His performance here is so menacing, how could he be seen as anyone else? FYI…stay away from the sequels. They are awful. Psycho II is just embarrassingly bad. Wishful thinkers tend to say that four is not bad, but they are kidding themselves. This is the only movie with ‘Psycho’ in the title worth watching (and I’m including American Psycho in that statement too).

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I’m in Time Magazine. WHAT. UP.

Posted in blogging, Hula Burger, McDonald's, pop culture, reviews, Time Magazine with tags fast food, Hula Burger, McDonald's, personal on September 25, 2008 by Paxton

Okay, I noticed a serious jump in my blog stats the other day and I took a look to see what the hell just happened. Looking at my page views I see this:

A huge amount of traffic was being sent by an outside link to my article about failed McDonald’s sandwiches: The Golden Archives. This article usually gets some hits but it was blowin’ up, yo, sur-iously. So I clicked in to find the sites that link to it and I noticed this.

The most hits were coming from time.com. I was like, “Time.com? WTF? Not THE Time.com?” Yes, THE Time.com. I clicked the link and was greeted with an article on Time.com listing the top 50 Authentic American Experiences. Surprisingly, my blog is NOT one of the 50 Authentic American experiences. I don’t know why. How much more AMERICAN, or more of an EXPERIENCE, can this blog be? And by American, I obviously mean AWESOME. Here’s the page in question.

Within this article they are discussing the Big Mac Museum, which I would agree is an authentic American experience. In the very first sentence Time friggin’ Magazine (I say again…WHAT. UP.) sees fit to link to my blog.

Check out the Hula Burger link. That goes to my Golden Archives article here. How about that, sixth grade English teacher who said I wrote like a blind second grader? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?! Actually, my sixth grade English teacher didn’t say that, but she did throw a shoe across the room at a classmate. That is true. But she didn’t say I wrote like a blind second grader…I think she said epileptic first grader. But that’s beside the point because I can now bill myself as if I won an Academy Award. Like Academy Award Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins. I can now call myself Time Magazine referenced Sir Paxton Holley. Well, I added the Sir, but I have no problems going to jolly Olde England for the knighting ceremony. I’ll even pay for my own flight. You hear me Queen Mother? Hello?

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I got an iPhone 3G — I just became even more awesome

Posted in Apple, iPhone, personal, pop culture, reviews, technology with tags Apple, humor, iPhone, technology on August 18, 2008 by Paxton

That’s right, people. AT&T finally acquiesced and gave me my birthright; the iPhone 3G! I wrote about my personal comedy of errors trying to get an iPhone 3G last month, but all of that is now moot. I have the small piece of electronic Valhalla right here in my sweaty, awesome little hands. And let me tell you, this thing is AWESOME. You know me, you know I don’t own, consort with or marry anything that isn’t just flat out awesome. It’s just how I live my life. I’ve dedicated myself to all things awesome, and this little phone may be the most awesome thing I have ever seen and I don’t throw around hyperbole like that every day (well, actually, I do, but this time it’s for reals).

I’ve had MONTHS to build up my anticipation for this phone. I was given money on my birthday way back in May (nearly 3 months ago!) to buy this thing and I’ve been obstructed in my purchase every step of the way. The first obstruction was that Apple took most iPhones off the shelves in May in preparation for the release of iPhone 3G. Next, the release date was set for July 11. I went in to my local AT&T store ready to upgrade and found out that my current plan wouldn’t let me upgrade until August 9. You should remember this graphic:

It was agonizing waiting until August 9th. However, on the day of August 9th, I was in Columbus, OH, so I couldn’t really order it then (there was a 7 day wait). I didn’t get back to Jax until late on Sunday and AT&T was closed an hour before I could get there (closed at 6pm on a Sunday?! WTF, are they a bank?!). It was like some higher power didn’t want me to have an iPhone, something I’ve come to believe is my destiny. Why, you ask, would a higher power not want me to have an iPhone? It’s not hard to figure out. The iPhone is super-awesome. No one denies that. I myself am also super-awesome. Who can refute that? It’s like the iPhone is an electronic version of myself (We are both awesome and very portable). The combination of our mutal awesomeness might be too much for the fabric of the space-time continuum and send the entire universe into a backspin leading to the destruction of all mankind (this is just a theory, mind you). So despite all of these odds against me, I perservered and got my iPhone 3G. You know, the Lifetime network should contact me about making my experience getting an iPhone a movie of the week. It’s pretty damn inspiring.

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America’s love affair with a man named Pac

Posted in 80s, Pac-Man, pop culture, reviews, video games with tags Pac-Man, pop culture, video games on August 6, 2008 by Paxton

Okay, this was meant to be the article I posted after my July 3rd opus on the Perfect Pac-Man game. However, circumstances being what they are (me = ADD) other things grabbed my attention and I’m just now getting around to posting this followup. In the last article I discussed a little bit of Pac-Man’s history and also covered Billy Mitchell’s achievement in 1999 obtaining the first perfect game of Pac-Man. There’s a lot of pop culture crap that happened between Pac-Man debuting in 1980 and Billy Mitchell cementing his status as “king of the nerds” in 1999. And this is the stuff I love to cover; pop culture crap.

In the ’80s, Pac-Man was HUGE. He was everywhere. The Pac-Man logo and video game character were licensed on hundreds of products to capitalize on what would become the most famous video game of all time. We’ll take a look at some of these products, but first, let’s look at the video game’s lineage.

Pac-Man Sequels

I’m sure you know a few of them, but I doubt you knew there were about thirteen of them, many being exclusive releases on home video consoles. Let’s take a look at some of the more notable sequels in the pantheon of Pac-Man gaming.

After realizing they had a hit on their hands, Bally-Midway decided to sell the video game rights to Atari to develop a port of the game on the extremely popular VCS 2600 in 1981. The media blitz surrounding the impending release was monumental to say the least. Ironic, because next to ET the Extra Terrestrial, this was the worst game ever created for the Atari 2600. And yes, I owned it. The music was awful, the graphics were terrible, the ghosts were dumb and the fruit you normally eat in the middle changed to a “vitamin pill”. Awful. Needless to say, this game was one of the three reasons, in my opinion, that Atari went bankrupt. The other two? The games ET the Extraterrestrial and Donkey Kong. No company could recover from that Trinity of Unholy Suck-i-ness.

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Some of my favorite Budweiser commercials

Posted in Budweiser, commercials, humor, pop culture, reviews, TV with tags advertising, beer, Budweiser, commercials on July 18, 2008 by Paxton

In a move that furthers my theory that eventually, all companies will be owned by two or three giant corporations, Belgian beer makers, InBev, announced that they had purchased American owned Anheiser-Busch this week for $70 a share (or about $50 billion…yes, billion with a ‘B’). Anheiser-Busch had scoffed at a previous offer, only to back pedal and fall all over themselves when the Belgians threw even more money at them. In order to stifle concerns about a foreign company owning a traditionally American company, spokesman said the headquarters will remain in St. Louis, no American breweries should be closed and 2 seats on the Board at InBev are reserved for Anheiser-Busch executives.

Should be interesting to see how the Belgians handle the Budweiser brand. Will working class Americans still drink Bud now that it’s technically a Belgian import like Stella Artois or Beck’s? Will Europeans drink the lighter, watery Bud beers despite traditionally enjoying the darker, heavier brands? It’s a risk all around for InBev, which will now be called Anheiser-Busch InBev. Nice name. More importantly, however, will the Belgians be able to continue Budweiser’s tradition of their always classic and hilarious TV advertisements? I’m concerned because the Belgians’ sense of humor is not exactly world reknowned.

In preparation for the immediate stoppage of funny Budweiser commercials, I thought I’d take a look back at some of my favorite Budweiser commercials from years past. It’s funny, doing research for this I realized there were several commercials that I thought were Bud commercials, but weren’t. There was also one I couldn’t find. It involved a guy on a date in a Chinese restaurant and he spots a hottie at another table. He proceeds to order his food loudly by entree number (because most Chinese places number their dishes) so as to spell out his phone number, “I’ll have a FIVE and another FIVE and a TWO and one of the THREE….” It was pretty funny, however I couldn’t find it.

So here are some of my favorite Bud commercials. Click the commercial titles and/or images to see them on YouTube.

Swear Jar – This is one of the more recent commercials. I think it aired two years ago during the Super Bowl. Watching people in an office cursing at every opportunity just makes me laugh. Also, watching the boss’ tirade in the meeting had me on the floor. Great commercial.

Brazilian Fighting Cockatoo – I love this commercial. I think this aired three or four years ago. It stars a fighting cockatoo bird that acts like Al Pacino in Scarface. The cockatoo actually first appeared in this commercial, where he was protecting his master’s Bud Light. I think I like the one in the bar where he’s protecting a lady from an unwanted suitor. “Step Back? I step all the way back to Hackensack, my friend!” I wonder who is doing the Al Pacino impression?

Cut the Cheese – This commercial was supposed to air during the last Super Bowl, I think, but it was cut at the last minute. I’m not sure why they didn’t show it. I think it aired the next week a few times but hasn’t been seen since. It’s actually really funny how they work in several different euphemisms throughout the commercial and I love that it takes place in a deli somewhere in New York or New Jersey. This could be a lost episode of the Sopranos.

Jackie Moon TV Spots – Earlier this year Will Ferrell did some TV spots for Bud Light in character as Jackie Moon from his movie Semi-Pro. The movie was only so-so, but this commercial spot was HILARIOUS. Here’s another one here. Semi-Pro just came out on DVD, so I may give it another chance because I didn’t think Anchorman was funny the first time but now I love it. I bet most of these tv spots were improvised. “Bud Light, Suck One”. “Bud Light. I’m horny”.

Dude – This is a simple one, but it plays on the versatility of the word ‘dude’. Very simple, yet very funny.

Apology-bot 3000 – There were a few of these Apology-bot commercials but I like this one with the guy apologizing to his girlfriend the best. I love the little balloon at the end that says “My Bad!” on it. LOL. Here’s another one set in a Japanese restaurant.

Bud Ice Penguins – Allright, I’ll end with this one. A classic from the mid-’90s, the Bud Ice Penguins. Doo-Be-Do-Be-Doooooooooo! Here’s another one. These penguins were creepy yet funny at the same time.

I found many more that I thought were hilarious but I didn’t want to go on and on. Some honorable mentions? How about Magic Fridge? Or this one featuring a mother telling her soon to be married daughter how to make her marriage last? There’s also the “WHAAAAAASUUUUUUUP” (“What Are YOU Doing!?“) series of commercials and the Real Men of Genius ads that I get so much enjoyment from (Mr Over the Top Carb Counter). Maybe I can even do a followup to this article. We’ll see.

Have a good weekend everyone. I’m off to Atlanta to join my wife at one of her friend’s wedding.

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