Archive for Movie Board

Movie Board: The worst movies I saw in 2012

Posted in movies with tags , , , on January 10, 2013 by Paxton

Movie Board

So, I’ve shown you my favorite movies of 2012. Let’s now take a look at the worst movies I saw in 2012.  The movies in this list are culled from my online Google Spreadsheet, just like my best of list, but I don’t just look at movies released in 2012.  I look at any movie I watched for the first time in 2012.

So here are the worst movies I watched last year.


Conan The Barbarian (2011) – Holy s**t, W-T-F, dude?! Want to know how to f**k up a Conan movie?  THIS is how.  You cast someone devoid of charisma.  And make the movie boring as balls.  And completely waste a nude scene with Rachel Nichols.  AND RON PEARLMAN WAS CONAN’S FATHER!!!  Considering all of that, it’s amazing just how AWFUL this movie is.  So much wasted potential.  This movie should make the “long walk” into the woods and kill itself.


Abduction – Here is where they tried to turn Lautner into an action hero. And it fails. Partly because the movie is just that f**king stupid, but also partly because Lautner is terrible in it.


Moonraker – Watched this in preparation for the Nerd Lunch James Bond episode.  And it’s every bit as terrible as everyone said it was.  Actually worse, because I was shocked how incredibly bad it is.  It’s called Moonraker, there’s a shot of Bond in space on the cover and it isn’t until 15 minutes are left in the movie until you actually get into…you know…SPACE.  F**K THIS MOVIE.


Tinker, Tailor Soldier, Spy – Disappointing. This isn’t a bad movie, per say, like the movies above.  This is just long and boring and really confusing.  Not what I expected, nor what I wanted.  Excellent cast, though.

Those are essentially the movies I liked the least this year. Most of them are just bad movies.  Usually the list is just filled with disappointments.

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Movie Board: My Favorite Movies of 2012

Posted in movies with tags , , , , on January 9, 2013 by Paxton

Movie Board

This will be the first year that I don’t actually have a physical “white board” in which I wrote down all of the movies I saw this past year.  My movie list is kept all digital now with Google Spreadsheets (like my book list).  So, it’s sad, but for the most part I think I’m retiring my literal “white board”.  Who knows, maybe I’ll bring it back.  We’ll see.  To see previous years’ picks, click the image above.

Anyway, I combed through my movie log and picked 5 of my favorite movies released in 2012.  Notice I’m not saying “best”.  That is so subjective, I’m just telling you my “favorite” movies of 2012, in no particular order.


Marvel’s The Avengers – Who am I kidding? This is my favorite movie of the year. It’s probably the greatest movie ever filmed.  I can’t add anything more to what’s already been said.  You’ve seen it or you are in a coma.  And I’m sorry for you coma people because you’re missing the best movie ever made.


Django Unchained – Just got a showing of this movie in under the wire and HOLY SHEEEEE-IT, it’s amazing. I think I like this one even better than Inglourious Basterds.  Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio are the reasons to see this movie, but I don’t mean to discount Jamie Foxx or Samuel L Jackson.  This is one well acted, well written movie and…IT’S A WESTERN!  Yes, maybe this will cause Hollywood to try it’s hand at more of them.  However, I am concerned that Disney’s The Lone Ranger may kill that notion, quick.  But I hope not.


Skyfall – Is this the best Bond film of all time? No, it’s not. However, it’s probably the best Craig Bond film. For me, right now, it ranks up there, possibly in the top 5 of all time Bond movies. We’ll see, though, time will tell if that holds up.  Fantastic movie.

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Movie Board: The Worst Movies I Saw in 2011

Posted in movies with tags , , , on February 10, 2012 by Paxton

Movie Board

Okay, here we are for the second installment of this year’s Movie Board. However, unlike my favorites, I’m not exclusively going off my Movie Board. I’ll be selecting from all the movies I watched in 2011, not just those released in 2011. If you want to see a complete list of the movies I watched, check out my movie log on Google Spreadsheet. Just click the 2011 tab.

Now, without further ado, here are the worst movies I watched in 2011.

Twilight Eclipse
Twilight Eclipse – This was released in 2010, but I watched the DVD when it came out in 2011. What can I say that my review back in March didn’t say? This movie is terrible. More disappointing than the terribleness of this movie is the fact that there was definite potential. A war between the vampires and werewolves. A new vampire, Riley, that is gathering a vampire army. Potential. That is wasted. For more melodramatic romantic BS between the most dysfunctional couple ever; Bella and Edward.  Either kill this series or just kill me.  I don’t care which.

Machete
Machete – Another movie with truckloads of missed potential. First of all, I’m not in love with Danny Trejo like the rest of the geek world seems to be. Trejo should have proved me wrong with this movie, but he didn’t. He just proved to me that he needs to keep doing his awesome character roles like Navajas the assassin in Desperado or Johnny23 in Con Air.  Stay away from lead roles.  Trejo felt very one note.  I just didn’t believe him to be the bad ass the movie wanted and needed him to be.  Great idea for a movie that was completely wasted.  And Jessica Alba, please stop making movies, please.  That is all.

Black Swan
Black Swan – Oh Darren Aronofsky, you terrible, terrible bastard. It all started in 1999 when I first saw Pi. The basic plot idea was good, but the movie was too convoluted and tough to follow. Next I decided to watch Requiem for a Dream in 2001. Ellen Burstyn was getting a lot of buzz for her role and Jennifer Connelly was supposedly in a big sex scene at the end. Unfortunately, again, the movie was convoluted, very, VERY dark and I felt like I needed a shower after watching it. And Connelly’s sex scene was at a point in the movie where you actually felt bad about watching it. I don’t want to feel shame when watching a Jennifer Connelly sex scene because I’ve been dreaming about it since Career Opportunities and The Rocketeer.  And the less said about The Fountain, the better. Anyway, now we come to Black Swan. Starring two of the hottest young ladies in Hollywood. And Aronofsky strikes again by making a hot lesbian scene featuring drunken, angry sex between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis not hot. You win, Sir Aronofsky. I am beaten.

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Movie Board: My Favorite Movies of 2011

Posted in Academy Awards, movies, Oscars, reviews with tags , on February 9, 2012 by Paxton

Movie Board

Finally, my thrilling year end aggregation of all of my favorite movies from 2011. Every year, I keep a white board at my desk of all the movies I see that are released in 2011. Hence the name, Movie Board. Here is that board.

Movie Board 2011

This year, I’m going to do something different. I’m going to split the list into two groups. Group 1 will be my 5 favorite movies that were released during 2011. Group 2 will be my 5 other favorite movies I saw in 2011 that weren’t released in that year. Then I’ll give my usual honorable mentions.

So let’s get started with my 5 favorite movies from 2011 in no particular order.

X-men: First Class
X-Men: First Class – How great was this movie. It was better than every X-Men movie before it. I really hope this cast continues on with more movies. I don’t even care if they try to stick with the established movie timeline. I just want more of this cast and this type of storytelling.

Capt America
Captain America – We really had a banner year for super hero movies. This movie was amazing and the perfect setup for The Avengers this summer. And Chris Evans. I’ve been a fan of him ever since I saw him in Not Another Teen Movie in 2001 and Cellular in 2004.  Not to mention his nearly perfect turn as Johnny Storm in both Fantastic Four movies.  I can’t wait for The Avengers and Captain America 2.

Moneyball
Moneyball – I’m not the biggest baseball fan, but I love this movie. It’s only peripherally a baseball movie, it’s more about Billy Beane and his attempt to rethink the evaluation of baseball talent. This movie is written by two of my favorite writers, Steve Zaillian (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, American Gangster) and Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network, A Few Good Men).  Just a really good behind the scenes look at baseball.  Brad Pitt is great as Billy Beane and so is Jonah Hill as Peter Brand.  Definitely check this out.

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Movie Board: The worst movies I saw in 2010

Posted in movies, reviews with tags , , , , on January 13, 2011 by Paxton

Movie Board

So, on Tuesday I talked about my favorite movies of 2010. Now it’s time to take a look at the Movie Board and pick the worst movies I saw last year. Here’s a quick refresher of this year’s Movie Board:

Movie Board 2010
My Movie Board 2010

You can see previous years’ Movie Boards here.

Now let’s see what movies I felt were a waste of my valuable time in 2010.

In no particular order.

Sex and the City 2
Sex and the City 2 – Yes I saw this.  My wife loved this show.  She has the full box set of DVDs she watches nearly every summer.  I watch the show every once in a while with her.  It’s not awful.  I can’t watch too much of it at once, but I don’t hate the show.  It can be pretty amusing at times.  I even went to see the first movie with her, and enjoyed it.  So I expected at least some light humor and to be mildly entertained.  Instead, I HATE THIS F***ING MOVIE.  Hate it with all the fiery hatred in the bowels of Hell.  They should have stopped at the last movie.  The Samantha character is RIDICULOUS.  At 60, they are still trying to make her the fiery sex bomb and it doesn’t work anymore.  She looks old.  And her antics are cringe inducing.  The Carrie character, who was never my favorite anyway, is off the charts irritating in this one.  Why anyone would go out with, or stay married to her is beyond me.  This movie was worse than terrible.  It was offensive.  If there’s a part 3, I will not see it.  But judging from the box office, there won’t be a part 3.  So there is a God.

The American
The American – F**k movie studio marketing departments.  F**k. Them.  They totally played this as a European Bourne Identity.  However, it’s more like those old, slowly paced ’70s action movies everyone remembers loving but when they watch them now, realize how goddam boring they are.  I think I was more pissed at the bait and switch than this being a bad movie.  If I had known what I was in for and adjusted my expectations, I think I might have enjoyed this.  I say MIGHT.  It is a very European style movie with long boring shots, minimal dialogue and some nudity.  I just went in expecting something completely different and I totally blame the marketing departments of the movie studio.  They can suck it.

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Movie Board: My favorite movies of 2010

Posted in Academy Awards, Harry Potter, movies, reviews with tags , , , , , , on January 11, 2011 by Paxton

Movie Board

Here we are again.  It’s time for my annual encounter with The Movie Board.  We’ve been through a lot, Movie Board, and it’s time to do it again.  Let’s dance.

First off, let’s take a look at this year’s Movie Board.

Movie Board 2010
My Movie Board 2010

According to it’s all-knowing whiteness I saw 52 movies this past year.  Very close to last year in which I saw 53 movies.  I was on a tear throughout the summer, way ahead of my pace for last year, but the pace slowed to a crawl in September with the birth of my son.  However, I rallied and was able to get my movie viewing total back up over 50.  Actually, the number of movies I saw was probably closer to 60 as I also saw movies like True Grit (the original), Death Trap and Harry Brown, but they were all released before 2010.  And this list is for movies released within the calendar 2010 movie season.

Anyway, from this list I’ve culled my favorites.  And here they are in no particular order.

Inception
Inception – Mind bending.  Best way to describe this movie.  Leo is great in this.  I think I prefer this movie to Shutter Island.  I’d definitely watch Inception again before watching Shutter Island.  Sure, some of the dream mechanics are a little…ill defined.  Sure, Ellen Page’s character actually going into the dream made little to no sense.  But I enjoyed it all the same.  Fun and interesting story, action and a cliff hanger ending that usually SERIOUSLY pisses me off but didn’t here.  I love that rotating hallway fight sequence.  So awesome.

Salt
Salt – I was blown away by this movie.  It’s brutally AWESOME.  The action is intense.  I was not expecting the action and suspense in this movie to be as balls out awesome as it is.  Angelina is great and Liev Shreiber is also great (as usual).  So ridiculously good.  It’s like a female Bourne Identity.  I seriously think this is nearly as good as the first Bourne Identity (not the last one, the first one).

Harry Potter 7-1
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I – I have seen every one of these movie in the theater.  And dammit if every one of these movies hasn’t gotten better and better.  Prisoner of Azkaban is phenomenal, Goblet of Fire is pretty good, but then Order of Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince are nothing short of spectacular.  And this movie just continues that awesomeness forward.  However, many people I know have been saying they were disappointed with this one.  I think it’s all expectations.  This movie is much darker than any other of the movies.  Plus, it covers the section of the book where Ron leaves and Harry and Hermione are running/searching for horcruxes alone.  Many people thought that storyline was boring in the book but I loved it.  It shows just how difficult a time they had and just how cut off from the rest of the wizarding world they really were.  Makes what happens later mean more.  I love this movie and I can’t wait to watch the next one.  Oh, yeah, since this is a Part I, it sets up a lot of the story for Part II, which may throw people off also.

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The Movie Board: Worst movies of 2009

Posted in Academy Awards, movies, Oscars, reviews with tags , , , , , on January 13, 2010 by Paxton

Movie Board

Okay, on Tuesday, you saw my favorite movies of 2009. These were all the movies I really enjoyed and will probably watch multiple times. Now, it’s time to look at what I think were the worst movies of 2009.

What makes a bad movie for me, for the most part, is disappointment because of expectations. I expect to really enjoy the movie because of a funny trailer or an interesting story and the movie doesn’t live up to those expectations. Those are the movies that go on this list. There are movies like Crank or Fast & Furious that you would expect to be on here, but let’s be honest, those movies are supposed to be bad. They are awful for a reason. Plus they are fun-awful, not awful-awful.

Before we get started, take a look back at previous years’ lists with my worst movies of 2007 and my worst movies of 2008 articles.

So here are the movies I was most disappointed with this year. Honestly, I could only come up with four. I really had a hard time putting together this list. There were a lot of good movies this year.  Here are the movies I really didn’t like.

Men Who Stare At Goats
Men Who Stare At Goats – This was a very disappointing movie for me. The trailer was awesome, however they pretty much showed every single punchline for every single funny scene in the trailer. EVERY SINGLE ONE. The rest of the movie was an awkwardly quirky ride that was neither funny nor interesting.  So by the time I saw the movie, every funny event was spoiled and that made me not care about the rest of the movie.  So many good actors, so much wasted potential.  And, to whomever cut the trailer, thank you for ruining this movie for me, d-bag.

Gamer
Gamer – This movie had so much promise.  Gerard Butler as a prisoner fighting in some type of corporate war games run by Michael C Hall? Oh, and Gerard Butler is being controlled remotely by a video game user played by the kid who’s going to be the lead in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians movie? Yes, please. However this movie BLEW. It was weird, there wasn’t enough action or humor and the mechanics of the video war games Gerard Butler’s character participates in came and went depending on what was needed in the story. Michael C Hall was good but his character was off the charts weird. This was just a bad movie based on a very solid premise.

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