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Seasonings Greetings

Posted in food, humor, Lawry's, Nature's Seasons, personal, random, reviews, seasoning salt with tags personal on November 3, 2006 by Paxton

No, that title is not a typo. I got a random little entry today as I’m feeling a bit sassy and I thought I would take you along for the ride. Someone brought in donuts to work today and I had two, so I may be just in the midst of my sugar high, but let’s see where I can steer this entry.

I’ve been thinking about my favorite food seasonings recently. Don’t ask me why, it just happens. I don’t question it, I just acknowledge and move on. Anyway, my family has always loved pouring extra seasonings onto food for flavoring. It doesn’t matter if the food actually needs more flavoring, they do it anyway. You could have Emeril or Wolfgang Puck make the tastiest porkchops or top sirloin steaks and place them right in front of my dad. Without missing a beat, my dad will dumptruck on half a shaker of salt and six cups of seasoning salt. It’s something that has been conditioned into me like Pavlov’s dogs;

1. Place food in front of me
2. Apply copious amounts of seasoning salt
3. Taste food
4. Add more seasoning salt

In light of my familial brainwashing, there are two seasoning salts that get it done for me and I have used them since I was a kid. The first was introduced to me by my mother and its called Nature’s Seasons by the Morton Salt company. This is used on lots of things but the best is to sprinkle this over cottage cheese as a side dish. I always thought it had a weird name though. Nature’s Seasons. What’s that supposed to mean? This seasoning salt consists of seasonings you can find in nature? Whatever. If one could find this bottle’s kaleidescope of tastes in nature, I wouldn’t need it in the first place. Maybe the title means that Mother Nature herself uses it on her own food? How awesome is that?

Seasoning number two is Lawry’s Seasoning Salt. This one is the far more versatile salt of the two. I use it much more frequently. Like Nature’s Seasons, it’s also good on cottage cheese, but Lawry’s can also be used on beef, veggies, chicken, pork, pizza, mac&cheese, squash, kittens, midgets, those rubber bouncy balls you can buy for a quarter, breakfast cereals, the French and, last but not least, deviled eggs. Lawry’s didn’t try to get too cute with their name like Morton. Lawry’s Seasoning Salt. That’s pretty much all you need. This stuff is so good that you could sprinkle a little bit on the table in front of me and I’d spend the next hour trying to lick every last speck off the tabletop. Yes, it’s that good. Try it on popcorn, too. I didn’t realize that this seasoning comes from an actual restaurant in Chicago. Click the Lawry’s bottle to the right to go to the restaurant’s website.

Anywhose, hope everyone has a good weekend. Enjoy the time off.

PEACE.

Technorati Tags – random personal food salt spices Lawry’s Nature’s Seasons

War Games 2 and other movie sequels

Posted in humor, movies, personal, reviews, sequels, War Games with tags movies, pop culture, sequels, War Games on October 9, 2006 by Paxton

I was perusing what the youngsters like to call “the net” the other day and came across this article on one of my favorite movie news sites. According to the article, Hollywood is apparently making a War Games 2. This got me thinking about movie sequels, good and bad, and what I think about them. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be interested in what I have to say, otherwise you’d be doing laundry or washing your car right now, so I thought I’d pass along some “nuggets” from my own noggin about movie sequels. Write them down, grasshopper, cause these nuggets are gold, I tell ya, GOLD.

First off, I am not patently against sequels. I don’t automatically think they are going to be awful. Being a movie whore gives me the wonderful freedom of thinking movies that should suck, are going to be awesome. It’s liberating. If I enjoyed the first movie and some or most of the original cast returns, then I’m willing to give it a try. But what sounds like a good idea on paper, may turn out to be box office poison. In light of this, let’s look at some of the factors that, I believe, will immediately count against the success of a sequel.

One type of sequel that I will immediately hate is the “in name only” sequels. You know the ones, more often than not they didn’t have a theatrical release. You see them sitting in Blockbuster and you’re like, “HOLY CRAP, THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO BAMBI?!” (yes they did). If these eyesores were released in theaters, there would be chaos in the streets, it would be the Kent State riots all over again. I ask you, how is the movie a sequel when not one person from the original movie appears? Even worse is when one of the characters in the sequel is the son/daughter/uncle/cousin of one of the characters in the original to make up for the fact that the studio was too much of a Scrooge to pay for the original actors. That’s the definition of cheap, people.

Let’s talk a bit about the aforementioned War Games: The Dead Game. First off, the title. They use the original title, but instead of putting a giant 2 in it, they give it some generic ominous sounding subtitle. You aren’t fooling me, MGM. Also, the odds are against Matthew Broderick coming back for this. Likewise for Ally Sheedy (is she still alive?) and Dabney Coleman. It’ll be all new people we’ve never heard of who look like they should be in a WB hour long drama doing something vaguely similar to the events in the first movie. Why even call it War Games, why not just The Dead Game? I’ll tell you why; to get people who wouldn’t normally go see a movie filled with nobodies to go see it. Even if Broderick gives a small cameo at some point (which would help), this is just lazy. War Games 2, to me, is Matthew Broderick as David Lightman, grown up, working for a software development company and he uncovers a plot by his company/the government/some random shmuck to take over the company/stock market/country/world. THAT is War Games 2. MGM, call me when it’s in the can.

Another example you ask? Of course, I answer. How about Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights? Another omission of the giant 2 and the addition of a sultry subtitle. In reality, this movie should have been called just…Havana Nights. There was absolutely NO need to tack on Dirty Dancing to the beginning except for the simple fact that no one would have seen it. Yes, I realize Patrick Swayze himself had a small part, but, come on, they didn’t even call him Johnny (his character in the original). He was credited as DANCE INSTRUCTOR. WTF?! WHY?! He’s in the movie, he has several scenes with the main characters, why couldn’t SOMEBODY call him Johnny?! ONCE?! Drove me up the wall. The movie wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t that great either. I kinda feel the same way about the original, too (Sorry, Steph). Moving on….

So you see what I mean about the “in name only” sequels. 9.9 times out of 10, they are going be a huge pile of dog ass. Let’s move on to another factor that will most definitely sink a sequel; recasting the main actors. I hate it when a sequel is announced and one of your favorite characters is recast. I would actually prefer the character is dropped than have another actor brought in. What usually winds up happening is the original actor left such an impression that the newer upstart is overshadowed, leaving you feeling like he’s just copying the original performance. One of the better examples of this is Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. While this movie could have stood on it’s own as a dumb high school comedy (maybe), the studio instead forces the actors to ape the characteristics of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. Parts of this movie made me laugh, but parts were cringe-inducing. Another example is Major League 2. I really enjoyed all three of the Major League movies, but one of the main characters, Willie Mays Hayes, is recast. Originally played by Wesley Snipes, in part 2 Hayes is played by Omar Epps. Epps did a nice job, but he’s not Wesley Snipes. While Major League 2 did have a few other issues, this was one of the big ones (the original and Part 3 are the best of the trilogy). The last glaring example of recasting I’ll bring to your attention is The Sting II. The original, starring Robert Redford and Paul Newman, was a classic heist movie that helped launch Newman and Redford even further into superstardom. The sequel, using the same characters but different actors, barely deserves to be mentioned. The studio did get Jackie Gleason to take over the Paul Newman role, but, despite that, continue on your merry way.

These are just a few of the examples. How many other crappy sequels are out there? Did anyone see Starship Troopers 2? Son of the Mask? How about Hollow Man 2? American Psycho 2? What about the 15 or so “sequels” Disney churns out every year? Did the public at large really need 3 sequels to the Lion King? I mean really. There are tons of other titles that litter the Blockbuster shelves like a giant landfill. To be sure, sequels can be bad. Very bad. Like, genitals wired to a car battery bad, but they can be good, too. If not for sequels we wouldn’t have Empire Strikes Back, Back to the Future II, Clerks II and Godfather Part II. But, then again, no sequels means no Godfather III, so it’s a double edged sword.

Personally, I like the idea of sequels because I love revisiting the characters I’ve grown to love in a movie. If you entertained me once, I’ll give a second movie a chance, but I’m prepared to be burned. Gigli 2, anyone?

Fun movie links:

1. Trailer for The Sting II

2. Trailer for Dumb & Dumber re-edited to look more like a drama

3. Hilarious MTV Parody of Star Wars Episode III starring Jimmy Fallon

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Mexican Doritos: I’m Weird

Posted in food, humor, personal, reviews with tags Coca Cola, Doritos, Mexico, Pepsi, reviews, soda on September 25, 2006 by Paxton

As noted earlier, my wife and I got back from a Caribbean cruise for our 5th anniversay last week. The cruise was phenomenal and one of the ports my wife and I stopped at was Calica, Mexico.

While on an excursion, the tour bus stopped at a tiny marketplace where we could go to the bathroom and shop. It was a cool little area with lots of little crafts to look at. What do I get excited about? Not the hand carved stone chess sets or the intricately sewn Mexican blankets. I about lost my composure when I found a snack rack filled with Mexican chips and snack foods. As the title of this article told you, I’m weird. If you’ve read this blog before, you know that I love finding differently packaged sodas and snackfoods. Just check out the Halloween article right before this. It’s a sickness, I know, but I love it. 😉

Anywho, on the aforementioned holy rack of snacky goodness, I found several flavors of Doritos and Fritos that are not found in the US. Check out the two Doritos packages below (queue heavenly music and chorus of angels).

The one on the left is pizza flavored Doritos, which did exist many years ago in the US when Pizza Hut and Doritos partnered on the flavor. It tastes like pepperoni and green pepper based pizza, but there is WAY too much flavor powder in this particular bag. It’s overwhelming. It took a bottle of black cherry soda and two waters to get the taste out of my mouth. Yikes. Hope the other one is better. The package on the right is called Incognito, which means mystery, or puzzle. You have to guess the flavor. How awesome is that? They made it a game! There are pictures of limes and red/green chili peppers on the black packaging. The flavor powder is also black. It’s kind of cool to look into this bag and see dozens of black death chips staring back at you. As for taste, they taste like limes and chili peppers, which also tastes like many salsas you’ll have in the better Mexican restaurants. But there is also a small aftertaste of curry, which is usually found in Indian cuisine. Kudos to my wife for figuring that aftertaste out. Very odd to have that in a Mexican chip, but not unwelcome. It was weird at first, but the more I got into the bag the more I loved it. Much better than expected.

While sneaking around that marketplace I also found two cool sodas. In much of the world they don’t label Diet sodas as such. They just call them Light. I found Coca Cola Light, and Pepsi Light.

I don’t know about you, but this was so exciting to me. I had actually seen Coke Light many years ago on my first trip to Mexico back in 1999. I had traveled to the East Coast of Mexico to a small restaurant in Rosalita. This was the first time that I had found Pepsi Light, though. Words can’t describe it, people.

I want to say that the Coke and Pepsi Light drinks tasted slightly different than regular Diet Coke and Pepsi, but that may be because I drank them in the land of enchiladas and not in the upper 48.

Oh well, I’ll leave you with the last two bags I found, 2 flavors of Fritos that are so totally mexican I’m suprised they didn’t come packaged with a Corona. Behold Chili & Lime Fritos (left) and Chipotle & Chorizo Fritos (right).

I haven’t tasted those 2 Fritos yet, but I will. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.

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Death by Taurine: Energy Drink Reviews Part II

Posted in coffee, Death By Taurine, humor, pop culture, reviews, soda with tags Coca Cola, Death By Taurine, soda, sodapalooza on August 2, 2006 by Paxton

Welcome to part 2 of my energy drink reviews. If you missed part 1, just click here for reviews of Red Bull, RockStar, MDX, SoBe No Fear and TaB Energy. If you read those, then move along to part 2 below where I discuss 6 more energy drinks.

Full Throttle – This is Coca-Cola’s first entry into the energy drink market. So far, on taste alone, this is one of my favorite drinks. It’s like a stronger Mountain Dew or Mello Yello. Very good and the Sugar Free version (0 cals, 0 sugar) tastes exactly the same as the full Full Throttle. As far as its energy boost, there is none. No energy boost in an energy drink is like taking the bus to cross the street. What’s the point? On taste alone, this is one of the best, but there is, inexplicably, no energy boost.

Full Throttle also makes a version called Full Throttle: Fury. There isn’t a lot of difference between Fury and the regular FT. The taste isn’t as potent, and the kick is still non-existent. That’s the difference. Just acknowledge that it’s there and move on.

Von Dutch – You’ve seen the Von Dutch label on celebrities’ clothes, jeans and trucker caps, now taste the energy drink. Overall, it’s really good. It has the second best energy kick next to Diet Rockstar, and its taste is actually better, not so black licorice-y. What the hell is in the drinks that make them all taste like black licorice? I hate black licorice. Sugar Free has the same kick as regular with an even better taste. I would almost say this is my favorite because the taste is pretty good and the energy kick isn’t so potent that I feel like I just freebased cocaine and chased it with heroin.

Vault – This has had a pretty big marketing campaign based on the slogan “Drinks like a Soda, Kicks like an Energy Drink”. That tagline should read, “Drinks like watered down soda, Kicks like a One-Legged Man”. It tastes like an even blander version of MDX, if that’s possible. The Sugar Free Vault even manages to step down the taste ANOTHER notch. It’s like drinking water with a splash of Diet Mountain Dew…and no energy kick. Very disappointing. Move along.

Monster Energy – This energy drink has the tagline ‘Unleash the Beast’. Somewhat silly for a drink that tastes like jolly ranchers. This is a fairly good tasting energy drink with a mild kick. If Diet Rockstar has the highest kick, and Von Dutch is second, this would be third. Von Dutch still tastes better as this drink is too sweet. Even the Lo-Carb version tastes sugary. Calorie levels are similar to all the other drinks; regular has 200 calories and Lo-Carb has 20 calories. A not bad, if somewhat pedestrian, choice for your energy drink.

Like RockStar, there are like 4 versions of Monster Energy. I only tried regular and lo-carb. I didn’t even bother with the other two.

Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng – This is not officially labeled as an energy drink, but it definitely gives the buzz of an energy drink. Back in 1999, before the energy drink boom and during the time when dot-coms were considered good investments, I was consulting at a client in Tampa, FL. A fellow consultant liked this tea and he got me liking it too. We weren’t really using it for the energy boost, at first, but it gave us such a great buzz that we began to use it for that very reason. He would drink them like crazy. He drank like 5 one day and was bouncing off the walls. Back then the tea came in a really cool bright blue/violet bottle with finger grooves in the side. Now it is sold in a regular bottle with a picture of a tree on it. It’s also sold in giant cans that look like the regular bottle. Still gives a good kick and it tastes pretty good too. Check it out, there’s also a Diet version with only 20 calories.

Jolt Cola – I used to drink this in college when I was cramming for an exam. The last time I used it was in 1997 while studying late for my COBOL final exam. It gives a great buzz but the sugar crash is heinous. You actually feel hungover after drinking a bunch of this stuff. I thought it had been discontinued, but it’s still sold in certain parts of the country. Jolt Cola today has a new package that looks like a battery (get it? Energy=Battery…clever) and it comes in several varieties (Cherry, Ultra, Blue, Cola and Red). I’ve tried the Cherry and Ultra. Very tasty and still has the sugar/caffeine kick I remember. The sugar crash has been toned down with some other ingredients like Vitamin B and Ginseng. If you can find it, I still recommend it.

UPDATED!! Click here for Death by Taurine Part III – 5 NEW energy drink reviews.

Technorati Tags – energy drinks reviews Full Throttle Von Dutch Vault Monster Jolt Cola Arizona Tea

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Death by Taurine: Energy Drink Reviews Part I

Posted in coffee, Death By Taurine, humor, pop culture, reviews, soda with tags Coca Cola, Death By Taurine, Pepsi, soda, sodapalooza on July 31, 2006 by Paxton

Energy drinks have become extremely popular in the last few years. I remember in college, the only energy boost options we had were coffee (which I hate) and Jolt Cola (which tasted like crap but gave you a nice buzz). That’s assuming you didn’t want to delve into the recreational use of pills like No-Doz and Dexatrim. In the last few years, though, energy boosting drinks have become all the rage. Red Bull was the first of the energy drinks to become hip and popular, but now you can find energy drinks branded with Las Vegas (a city), Hulk Hogan (a wrestler), Von Dutch (a clothing company), Orange County Choppers (a custom chopper shop) and many, many more. You can still find Jolt Cola in certain smaller markets in the US. TaB, the ever elusive diet soda, also has its own energy drink, and so does Ice T. That’s right, ICE-FRIGGIN-T has his own energy drink! Take that home, play with it, see if it rolls over. Anywho, I originally resisted the urge to try these things, but I’ve become curious to their energy-giving abilities whenever I wake up in the morning for work feeling like I was hit by a truck. I figured I’d either try these energy drinks and I would feel better, or they would make me feel like a crack addict; all twitchy and shifty-eyed, waiting for my next fix. With this review, I’ll let you in on some of my favorite energy drinks and I’ll give mini-reviews of each. I’ll let you know if it tastes good and if it does actually give you a boost in energy. Let’s take a look.

Red Bull – I’ll begin with the daddy of the modern energy drink boom. It’s become hip to drink these on the bar scene and quite a sizeable mixed drink menu has sprung up using this as an ingredient (i.e. Jager Bombs). It’s not bad. It has a very black liquorice taste which goes away when you are about half way through the can. I prefer the Sugar Free version as it has 100 fewer calories and the sugary, liquorice-y taste is somewhat muted. As you try more and more of these energy drinks you will see they have a similar taste: black liquorice. Just keep that in mind. As for Red Bull’s energy boost, I never got a slight buzz or energy lift from it. But that’s just me, you may find different results as people metabolize food and drink differently. For me, though, this is best used as a drink mixer. According to Energy Fiend, 170.63 cans of Red Bull would kill me.

RockStar – This is pretty popular too. Steph tells me that other teachers at her school (Club-A) drink the Diet version to give them a boost. The product has a great name, and their slogan rocks too; “Party Like A RockStar”. I bought it for my friend Dave who said it didn’t do much for him (he likes Red Bull), but I decided to try it on my own. As far as energy boosting, this gives me the biggest buzz. One can of this or the Diet Rockstar and I feel like a ferret on a double espresso. A few weeks ago, I had one at 7am and I STILL had trouble getting to sleep that night. The Diet Rockstar does have that “Diet” taste compared to the regular RockStar, but it has 0 sugar and 20 calories (220 calories in regular) and, like Red Bull, Rockstar has a very black liquorice-y taste. The taste does fade as you progress into the can, but the first few sips, for me, kick like a pissed off mule. If you need the energy boost, pick up a can of Rockstar and prepare for the onslaught of mind-buzzing energy shakes. If you want taste, you’ve bought the wrong can. According to Energy Fiend, 91.00 cans of RockStar would kill me.

TaB Energy – One of the first diet sodas on the market, TaB, gets its own energy drink. The drink itself is pretty tasty…and pink. Not only is the can the trademark TaB pink, but the actual drink itself is pink. Like neon pink. Almost EMBARRASSINGLY pink. TaB was originally developed by Coca-Cola in 1963. Originally thought, by me, to be discontinued, TaB is still available in limited markets because it still sells just enough to be profitable. So, in reaction to the growing energy drink market, Coke decided to release TaB Energy. The drink, I just found out, is marketed mostly for women, so I looked like the idiot when I was checking out at the Winn-Dixie. TaB Energy tastes nothing like the original TaB because it’s not a cola drink, they just share the same brand name. The drink is sweet, almost candy-like in its taste, but the energy kick is low, almost non-existent, consistent with Coke’s other energy drink, Full Throttle. Pretty good on taste, but an energy drink that doesn’t give you energy is like kissing your sister. Sure she’s hot and it tastes good, but why bother? It’s illegal. According to Energy Fiend, 143.68 cans of TaB Energy would kill me.

MDX – This is the Mountain Dew energy drink. It’s very similar to Coke’s other energy drink, Full Throttle, but does not taste as good. It’s almost bland, like Diet Mountain Dew, and there was NO energy boost. Period. If you are going to take the taste away, at least hit me with some nervous energy to make me forget that I drank bland sugar water. Both Sugar Free and regular taste the same. So if you like the taste of Diet Mountain Dew but think it should cost twice as much, this is your drink. According to Energy Fiend, 165.96 cans of MDX would kill me.

SoBe No Fear – SoBe is known for their juice drinks which aren’t bad. Unfortunately, their energy drink blows donkey. I applaud their attempt to make it taste like their juice drinks. The first few sips of this drink have a distinct apricot taste that is not un-welcome after so many black licorice flavors. Why must all energy drinks taste like spoiled black liquorice? Let’s mix things up a bit, people!! After several more sips of SoBe, though, the taste goes from apricot, to crap-ricot. I couldn’t finish the can it was so bad. I’m pretty sure I didn’t drink enough to get the energy buzz, but I don’t care. Worst tasting energy drink EVER. According to Energy Fiend, 172.78 cans of SoBe No Fear would kill me.