Archive for movies

Saturday morning cartoon spin-offs

Posted in Back to the Future, cartoons, Happy Days, movies, pop culture, TV shows with tags , , , , , on September 21, 2007 by Paxton

Saturday MorningNowadays, when I watch a cartoon, I think, “There’s a 30min commercial for toys…or a video game.” But back when I was a kid, things seemed different. They may not have been different, but it seems to me that I had a larger variety of cartoons to watch. It wasn’t just toy lines and video game sales that seemed to drive the creation of a Saturday morning cartoon, it was how popular the property was. Not just in toy aisles, but on TV or at the movies. The ’70s and ’80s were a boon for TV and movie properties to be translated into cartoon format. Not only that, but popular music groups would be translated into cartoons for kids. Some made the transition naturally, some turned out like, “Wha-huh?”. Regardless of quality, these types of cartoons fascinate me.

Let’s take a look at some of the cartoons that were created from a live-action tv show or movie. This is by no means a comprehensive list, these are just the ones I can remember, but if you have any others that you remember, leave a comment about them.

The DukesThe Dukes – Based on Dukes of Hazard, this cartoon featured the voices of the entire live action show’s cast. In the first season, however, Vance and Coy, two other Duke cousins, were used. Bo and Luke would arrive for the second season (yes, there was a second season). The premise was very similar to Wacky Races in that the Duke Boys were participating in a big car race against their arch foes Boss Hogg and Roscoe P Coltrane for the mortgage on the farm. Check out the intro on YouTube.

Brady KidsThe Brady Kids – Based on the Brady Bunch, this featured the kids (no Mike or Carol) as a touring band a la The Beatles. All the kids lent their voices in season 1 but Barry Williams (Greg) dropped out in season 2. Suprisingly, there was an appearance by Superman, Lois Lane and Wonder Woman in one of the episodes making this series a copyright nightmare for release on DVD.

GilligansGilligan’s Planet – There were actually two Gilligan’s Island cartoons. The first was in 1973, and then this one, in 1982. The Professor managed to build an interstellar rocket that propels our castaways into space to crash land on an uncharted planet. In essence, perpetuating the cycle (Professor, just fix the damn boat!). All the show’s cast lent voices except Tina Louise (Ginger) who was replaced by Dawn Wells (Mary-Ann). Check out the intro on YouTube.

Robonic StoogesThe Robonic Stooges – There was a 3 Stooges cartoon in the ’60s, but the Stooges were re-imagined as bumbling superheroes in this 1978 cartoon. The three stooges all have various bionic enhancements that they use to varying degrees of success to solve crimes. Scripts for this cartoon were written by Moe Howard’s son-in-law.

Super GlobetrottersThe Super Globetrotters – A lot of people know about the Globetrotters’ appearances on Scooby-Doo, and that they had their own show called the Go-Go-Globetrotters. But this beauty debuted in 1979 and was another take on bumbling superheroes like the Robonic Stooges above. Each globetrotter had a weird superpower that helped them solve crimes and rescue people. This was one of my favorites. Check out the intro on YouTube here.

NKOTBNew Kids on the Block – Yes, in 1990, at the height of their popularity, there was a New Kids on the Block cartoon. I remember catching it on tv a few times. Pretty standard stuff. None of the New Kids did the cartoon voices, however they filmed live action intro scenes to be cut into the show. Check out the cheezy ’80s-like intro on YouTube.

Teen WolfTeen Wolf – 1986. This was one of my absolute favorite cartoons while growing up. I loved the original movie this was based on and the cartoon was a lot of fun. None of the movie cast returned for the cartoon but the stories were a lot of fun. It helps that I love almost anything to do with werewolves. Check out the intro on YouTube where Teen Wolf jams to a cassette Walkman!!.

AlfAlf – The voice behind Alf returned for the Animated Series which was a prequel to the tv show. It followed Alf and his friends on Melmac before he would crash land on Earth in the tv series.

BTTFBack to the Future: The Animated Series – 1991. Everyone who reads this blog knows I love Back to the Future. However, I never really could get into this cartoon. I think because the stories/scripts were all over the place made it tough to like. It could also be that I was going to graduate high school right when this came out and I didn’t watch as much cartoons. Christopher Lloyd, Mary Steenburgen and Tom Wilson all returned to their roles of Doc, Clara and Biff, respectively.

BeetlejuiceBeetlejuice – This was actually a very good adaptation of the 1988 Michael Keaton Beetlejuice movie. Premiering in 1989, it followed the many misadventures of Beetlejuice and Lydia Deetz. The premise of the movie was changed slightly as Lydia and Beetlejuice are best friends in the cartoon and the main characters of the Maitlands in the movie don’t even appear. Very funny and very cool character design. Check out the intro on YouTube.

Hulk HoganHulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n Wrestling – Awesome 1985 cartoon featuring many popular WWF wrestling characters. Very good cartoon, with lots of rock, but, ironically, very little (if any) wrestling. None of the wrestlers provided their own voices, but there were live-action segments which featured the real guys. As a matter of fact, Brad Garrett (Robert on Everybody Loves Raymond) would provide the voice for Hulk Hogan. Check out the rockin’ intro with Hulk Hogan walking down the streets of Manhattan.

Brady KidsMr. T – 1983. Seeing Mr. T as the coach of a high school gymnastics team seems perfectly—-wait, Wha-?! See the intro on YouTube.

Brady KidsThe Real Ghostbusters – I talked about this cartoon in an earlier article. Based on the hit 1984 movie, this cartoon, debuting in 1986, would follow the further adventures of the four ghostbusters and would add the help of Slimer, a ghost. None of the movie cast provided voices, however Winston Zedmore was voiced by Arsenio Hall. Going hand-in-hand with this is the Ghost Busters cartoon which was based on the 1960’s tv series.

Did you guys know that, Happy Days, being one of the most popular tv series ever, spun off at least three different shows; Joannie Loves Chachi, Laverne & Shirley and Mork & Mindy. Those are just the live-action shows. It also gave birth to three cartoon shows. Here they are.

The FonzThe Fonz and the Happy Days Gang – 1980. Henry Winkler (Fonz), Ron Howard (Ritchie) and Donny Most (Ralph) all provided their voices for this show. It had a great premise where our 3 heroes were stranded in a time machine with a futuristic chick named Cupcake (really?!) trying to find their way back to 1957. Check out the intro on YouTube.

Laverne & ShirleyLaverne and Shirley in the Army- Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams lended their voices to this 1981 cartoon featuring titular characters Laverne & Shirley and their adventures after having joined the Army. Ron Palillo (Horseshack) provided the voice of their pet pig, Sgt Squealy. They would later be joined by Fonzie and his dog, Mr. Cool, as motor pool mechanics. Check out the intro on YouTube.

Mork and MindyMork & Mindy – In 1982 Robin Williams and Pam Dawber lent their voices to this cartoon about Mork enrolling in high school under orders from Orson.

These are all cartoons I was able to catch on TV a few times while flipping the channels oh those many Saturday mornings ago. Can you imagine studios doing this today? What shows could be made into cartoons? Could 24 or Alias be made into a cartoon? How about Friends or The Office? Seems crazy now, but back then it was commonplace.

There are many other live action shows that were turned into cartoons, can you name a few?

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Some sites that were indispensable to me for research were Wikipedia, IMDb, Big Cartoon Database and Toon Tracker. Check them out for some really cool images and history to some really great cartoon shows.

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Who You Gonna Call: Ghostbusters or Ghost Busters?

Posted in movies, pop culture, TV shows with tags , , , on May 24, 2007 by Paxton

Ghostbusters!Imagine you are a kid, at home, after a long day of school in 1986. You are sitting mindlessly watching the TV enjoying your favorite cartoons when the announcer says to stay tuned for the Ghostbusters. What? Hellz Yeah, Ghostbusters cartoons? Bring It! You are sitting there with your pouch of Capri-Sun ready to watch Slimer and the Ghostbusters kick some spectral butt. The show comes on and something looks off……..I didn’t realize the Ghostbusters hung out with …….is that a……..gorilla?! WTF?! This is what happened to me when I was about 12 years old. I was greeted with a Ghostbusters cartoon that was foreign to me. Was this just simple greed by a company looking to ride the wave of ghostbustin’ popularity, or was there more to it? This cartoon even used the actual name GhostBusters. What was this cartoon’s story? Well, after much research, I finally found out.

Filmation GhostBusters DVDThe Ghostbusters are pop culture icons. Ray, Peter, Egon and Winston. Ghostbusters GroupThe phenomenally successful movie that spawned this group has entertained people of all ages. However, surprisingly enough, Columbia did not have the rights to the name “ghostbusters” before or during the filming of their titular 1984 blockbuster. Who owned the rights to the name, Ghostbusters? It was a production company called Filmation. After Ghostbusters hit it big in 1984, imitators began coming out of the woodwork. Companies were trying to ride the coattails of the hit movie with toys, games and cartoons with a similar theme. As stated earlier, if turned on your tv in 1986 you may have caught a show involving two friends and their gorilla using crazy equipment to capture ghosts. This cartoon was called Filmation’s GhostBusters. This series was created by Filmation, the aforementioned rights holders to the name Ghostbusters. Why did they have the rights and how did this cartoon come about? It all starts in 1975.

GhostBusters Live ActionIn 1975 and 1976, Filmation filmed a live action tv series called The Ghost Busters. It starred Forrest Tucker as Jake Kong, Larry Storch as Eddie Spencer and Bob Burns as Tracey the Gorilla (For the younger crowd, in the wacky ’70s-’80s a gorilla or monkey was a viable co-star, see BJ & The Bear or Any Which Way But Loose). The three were bumbling detectives that would stumble their way through cases to ultimately defeat various scary monsters (vampires, werewolves, witches and, of course, ghosts). They used a motley collection of electrical equipment to defeat the monsters including a light emitting camera-like device to send them back to the underworld. It was a moderate success but faded quickly as it ran for only one year.

Fast forward to 1984. Columbia has finished filming their Ghostbusters movie. They realize that they will have to call it Ghostbusters as the term is used throughout the script and the final showdown scene in New York has a large crowd of people chanting the name. They have to bite the bullet and pay Filmation royalty rights to use the name. It’s a bitter pill, but Columbia swallows it. The movie becomes a huge hit and the studio wants to follow up on the film’s success with a cartoon show.

Filmation LogoDuring the ’80s and ’90s, the Filmation studio was an immensely popular Saturday morning cartoon producer. They created the cartoons He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Fat Albert, She-Ra, Star Trek The Animated Series, The Batman/Superman Hour and many, many more. With this pedigree, and the fact that they owned the name Ghost Busters, they naturally thought that they would get first crack at producing the animated Ghostbusters show. After much negotiation, Columbia backed down and said that they were going to focus on a live action Ghostbusters sequel and not do a cartoon series. Rebuffed, Filmation decided to capitalize on the Ghostbuster name by creating their own cartoon but based it on their original tv series. The cartoon’s premise had the sons of the original tv characters inheriting the business and continuing the fight against supernatural evil. For the first five episodes (technically a mini-movie), Larry Storch and Forrest Tucker reprised their roles and voiced their characters for the first time in 10 years in order to pass the torch to their sons. Bob Burns, the actor behind Tracey the Gorilla, would continue to voice Tracey in the new cartoon. The concept was set and the show debuted in February 1986.

Filmation GhostBusters DVDColumbia, having gone through some changes in management since the negotiations with Filmation, were a little perturbed that another studio would get a cartoon bearing the name of their cash-cow movie franchise on the air before them. Especially the studio that owned the name Ghost Busters. This lead to Columbia partnering with cut-rate studio DIC Animation to get their Real Ghostbusters cartoon on the air. Filmation had to add “The Original” to their cartoon to make it stand out from Columbia’s cartoon. Needless to say, this still causes confusion amongst Ghostbusters fans who have no idea about the 1975 tv show.

The Filmation cartoon and live-action Ghost Busters shows were just released on DVD and can be found on Amazon.

Ghostbuster Video Links:
1. Check out the intro to the Original Ghostbusters cartoon (and its kick ass theme song) here.
2. You can see the intro to the 1975 The Ghost Busters live-action show here.
3. Intro to the Real Ghostbusters cartoon can be seen here.

I personally really enjoyed the show. It was clever and funny and the characters were awesome. The theme song was really cool too. When the GhostBusters would get a call on the Skele-phone they would scream, “Go-Go-GhostBusters!” and slap high fives. Lots of fun. I got the DVDs off Blockbuster Online and I’m still enjoying watching them. Check it out if you get the chance.

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Enough Academy Awards Trivia to Choke a Donkey

Posted in Academy Awards, movies, Oscars with tags , , , , on February 21, 2007 by Paxton

Oscars Wild!

The time is nigh, my friends, the Academy Awards are here. Well, almost here. They’ll officially be here on Sunday at 8pm EST. I. Can’t. Wait. The wife and I, being rabid, movie whores, are throwing a huge (read “small”) shindig to celebrate the occasion. No expense will be spared. Our guests will drink out of the finest gold color paper cups and eat off the most delicate black and gold paper plates that Wal-Mart can provide. We’ll dine on the most succulent tiny quiches and taquitos a microwave oven can cook. Extravagant doesn’t even begin to describe it. Our guests will feel like Gary Coleman at the Soul Train Awards. ROYALTY.

At the party, we pass out ballots and you have to choose who you think is going to win each category. Points are weighted towards the major Awards like Best Picture and Best Actor. It makes things fun when you start wagering on categories. Before we started the ballots, we’d be falling asleep by the time Best Documentary Short was presented. Now, the group is arguing whether No Time For Nuts or The Little Matchgirl is gonna win Best Short Film (Animated). And NONE of us have seen either one. AWESOME.

Anywho, while surfing through some move websites preparing for this weekend’s festivities, I came across a treasure trove of Oscar trivia that I thought was pretty cool. Read on, sir, for some unbelievable, face rockin’ tidbits about the Academy Awards and those who win them.

# The first Academy Awards ceremony was in 1929 at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel and was hosted by Douglas Fairbanks and William deMille. Tickets cost $5 and the attendance was 270 people.
# In the beginning, the winners list was sold to the newspapers prior to the ceremony for publication. In 1940, guests could buy the 8pm LA Times edition and read who won each award. This lead to the sealed envelopes system in 1941.
# NBC first televised the ceremony in 1953 (25th Academy Awards)
# Longest Award Ceremony was the 2001 Academy Awards hosted by Whoopi Goldberg. It lasted 4 hours and 16 minutes but, thanks to Whoopi, felt like 36 hours.
Oscars 2004# Walt Disney holds the record for having the most Academy Awards: 22 won, and 4 honorary.
# Jessica Tandy at age 80 is the oldest person to ever win (for Driving Miss Daisy) an Academy Award.
# Tatum O’Neal at age 10 is the youngest person to ever win (for Paper Moon) an Academy Award.
# Katharine Hepburn is the only person to win more than 3 major Awards (four times for Leading Actress) (1933 Morning Glory, 1967 Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner, 1968 The Lion in Winter and in 1981 On Golden Pond .)
# James Dean is the only actor to receive a nomination after death. Dean was killed in a traffic accident in 1955, but was nominated in 1956 for East of Eden and 1957 for Giant.
# Only three movies have swept the top 5 awards (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Screenplay): It Happened One Night, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and The Silence of the Lambs.
# Only three movies have been nominated for the top 5 awards and missed by one win: American Beauty (didn’t win Best Actress), Annie Hall (didn’t win Best Actor), Gone With the Wind (didn’t win Best Actor)
# Only three Best Picture winners have achieved a ‘clean sweep’ at the Oscars, winning every award for which they were nominated: Gigi (nine nominations and awards), The Last Emperor (nine), and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (eleven).
# John Cazale, the man who played Fredo Corleone, holds the distinction of being the only actor whose every film was nominated for best picture (The Godfather, The Conversation, Godfather Part II, Dog Day Afternoon, The Deer Hunter). After his death, Cazale appeared in archive footage in Godfather Part III, which was also nominated for Best Picture. Fredo no longer brings shame to the family.
Oscar Statue
# The film with the most nominations without a best picture nomination: They Shoot Horses, Don’t They with 9 nominations.
# Actress Bess Flowers has appeared in the most Best Picture winners: 5. Number I actually saw: 1.

Hope you enjoyed the trivia. Have a good week and weekend everyone and we’ll talk on the other side.

Peace.

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Oscars Wild: Oscar nominations for 2006

Posted in Academy Awards, humor, movies, Oscars with tags , , , , on January 25, 2007 by Paxton

Oscars Wild!

Well, it’s mid-January and everyone should be girding their loins for two of my favorite beginning-of-the-year events. First is the SuperBowl on Feb 4. My boy Peyton Manning takes on the phenomenal defense of the Chicago Bears. Should be a good matchup. After the SuperBowl is the Academy Awards.

Being movie buffs, the wife and I love the Oscars. For several years we threw Oscars parties and everyone would contribute 5 bucks to the betting pool. We printed out ballots and had everyone select who they thought the winners were going to be and the one with the most points wins the whole she-bang. As a tie breaker you had to pick the running time of the show without going over. It’s a lot of fun and makes categories like Best Foreign Language Film or Documentary Feature a little more exciting. We didn’t throw the party last year but we are thinking about doing it this year.

Well, the Oscar nominations were announced on Tuesday. As usual, there are some oversights and a few, “They nominated wha?!”. Since I obviously know better than the Academy, I thought I’d take a stroll through some of the academy’s decisions this year. You may disagree with many or all of my comments, but these are only my opinions. We may very well have wildly differing tastes in movies. I just ask that you take this list in jest. Moving on to some nominees…..


Best Leading Actor:
Leonardo DiCaprio – Blood Diamond – This is nice, but I would have put his performance in The Departed here instead. He’s good in Blood Diamond, but better in The Departed.
Ryan Gosling – Half Nelson – The dude from Notebook was in another movie? Who knew?
Peter O’Toole – Venus – This is a fabulous choice by the Academy, as O’Toole is a fine actor. It’s too bad I’ve never even HEARD of the movie Venus. Is it about the planet, or the goddess of love? And why should I care?
Will Smith – Pursuit of Happyness – Does it bother anyone else that they misspelled Happiness in the movie title? Anyone?
Forest Whitaker – The Last King of Scotland – What’s with the wierd movie titles? Forest plays Idi Amin who, last I checked, was black and not from Scotland.

Best Leading Actress:
Penelope Cruz – Volver – Um. Okay. Did I go to bed and wake up in Spain? WTF?! Yahoo Movies says it’s a generational story of three women set in Spain. It might as well have said ‘Don’t Watch Me, I Suck’.
Judi Dench – Notes on a Scandal – I think Judi Dench puts in all of her contracts that she will be nominated for her performance. That’s just how she rolls.
Helen Mirren – The Queen – Excellent choice. Saw this last weekend. Phenomenal performance.
Meryl Streep – The Devil Wears Prada – The Devil Wears Prada is now an oscar nominated movie? I think Meryl Streep might also be on the must-nominate list. She could star in the auto-biography of Carrot-Top, playing Carrot-Top, and still be nominated.
Kate Winslet – Little Children – I love Kate Winslet. She’s gorgeous and a wonderful actress. However, despite being in roughly 20 movies since Titanic in 1997, off the top of my head I can remember only 2. Of those 2 I can remember, I’ve seen only 1. This isn’t either one of those.

Best Picture:
Babel – Even the trailers for this look bad. The plot description on Internet Movie Database begins ‘A poor Morrocan family acquires a rifle to protect their goats…’ Sounds like a winner, but I’ll be in Theater 2 watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
The Departed – This is what I’m talkin’ bout, Academy. More like this, please.
Letters from Iwo Jima – I can understand why this made it. I haven’t seen it, but I don’t like war movies, or war veteran movies, so I have no interest. You could also substitute United 93 or World Trade Center here. Same thing.
Little Miss Sunshine – I’m speechless that this little gem of a movie made it to Best Picture. Wonderful cast, funny dialogue, crazy situations. Something the Academy should recognize more. Nicely done.
The Queen – Another wonderfully acted movie. I’m happy that Mirren is recognized above, but I’m sad Michael Sheen who plays Tony Blair is not also recognized (as Supporting Actor, not Best Actress). He is just as good as Mirren.

Best Director:

Babel – Goat protecting gets a best director. Really?
The Departed – Scorsese. Represent, yo!
Letters from Iwo Jima – Sentimental. Patriotic. Yada yada.
The Queen – Good choice.
United 93 – Wha? So you are saying Little Miss Sunshine is a better movie but United 93 has a better director? Whatever, dude.

Some quick shots on other categories:

Mark Wahlberg in The Departed for Supporting Actor? Not that he was bad, but his character disappears halfway through the movie. A better choice would have been Jack Nicholson in The Departed. He was awesome (and I don’t really even like him). I’m a little sad that no other actor in The Departed is recognized for their performance. They were all spot on.

The movie An Inconvenient Truth got a nod for Best Original Song? It’s a documentary. About the weather. I guess Dreamgirls didn’t have a fourth song to nominate.

Borat got a nom for Best Adapted Screenplay? ADAPTED? From what? Is there a Borat novel out there I’m unaware of? Or a Broadway play, maybe?

I’m loving that American Idol alum Jennifer Hudson has a nomination for Best Supporting Actress and Beyonce “You Must Not Know ’bout Me” Knowles got nothing.

As usual the Academy nominated a bunch of stuff most of America will never get to see, so it keeps things interesting. Bottom line, like what you like, not what the Academy tells you to like. If Dreamgirls is your Best Picture, then so be it. If Borat was your Best Picture, then fine. No one can tell you what a better movie is. It’s all subjective.

Regardless, this year should be a good broadcast. Check it out on February 25, 2007 at 8pm EST.

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10 Best/Worst Christmas Songs

Posted in Bing Crosby, Christmas, Elvis, holiday, humor, pop culture, reviews, Rosie O'Donnell with tags , , , , , on December 19, 2006 by Paxton

Today’s article is a reader submission. I was asked to write about what, I believe, are the 10 best/worst Christmas songs of all time. So, Kathy, this one is for you. If there is something you would like me to write about just drop me a line here. If it interests me and I decide to do it, you’ll get credit for giving me the idea, just like I’m giving Kathy right now. Anywho, on with the article.


I love Christmas and along with that, I love Christmas songs. Especially the celebrity pop culture songs. Some of those Christmas songs can be so awful that you can’t believe how absolutely awesome they are…or, as I call it, abso-awful (I just made that word up). The rest of the Christmas songs are so heinous that you’ll claw out the inside of your ear with a rusty spoon to not have to hear them anymore. Here’s my personal countdown of the 10 Best and 10 Worst Christmas Songs of all time. I’ll also give you a little tidbit of why that song is where it is. You may look at these lists and be like, “Hey Pax, you are a ^$#$ genius, keep it up!” or you may look at it and say, “You are dead to me”. Either way, I’m still an incredibly sexy beast (You know it’s true. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful).

Let’s start off with the 10 best Christmas songs in no particular order (I’m numbering them for my own sanity).

1. White Christmas (Bing Crosby) – This is, of course, a classic. When Bing wasn’t beating the crap out of his kids, he was busy belting out some of the best songs of his day. This one comes from the equally awesome movie of the same name. Needs no explanation.
2. Mele Kalikimaka (Bing Crosby) – As to this song’s origin, I imagine Bing bet some songwriter that he couldn’t write a song about both Hawaii AND Christmas. Well, Unknown Songwriter 1 – Bing Crosby 0. Makes me think of that scene in Christmas Vacation where Clark is looking out the window at his soon to be swimming pool.
3. Blue Christmas (Elvis Presley) – You knew The King was going to be on this list. Here’s his most famous. Pretty much everyone on Earth with a set of vocal cords and no shame has covered this song. Elvis makes you wonder why anyone even tries to sing anymore.
4. Santa’s Coming to Town (Elvis Presley) – A lesser known Elvis song off one of his first Christmas albums (of which number in the lower millions). It’s a bluesy, rock “version” of Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I put “version” in “quotes” because a) Elvis’ song is very different from the original and b) I’m extremely pretentious.
5. Jingle Bell Rock (Bobby Helms) – Another classic. Fun version of the original Jingle Bells song. Because “jingle bell time is a swell time, to go riding in a one-horse sleigh”. You know it and I know it.
6. Little Saint Nick (Beach Boys) – Seems weird putting a Beach Boys song on a Christmas list, right? Well, I already put a Hawaiian song on, so let’s put the Boys on. Very catchy tune that makes me want to both celebrate Christmas and go to the beach to “hang 10”.
7. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Brenda Lee) – Featured in pretty much every movie that ever had a passing mention of Christmas. Most notably, though, Home Alone.
8. Baby It’s Cold Outside (Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel) – This is just a great song, but this particular version can be found on the Elf soundtrack. I LOVE this song.
9. Run Rudolph Run (Chuck Berry) – Any Chuck Berry Christmas song is bound to be good. This is no exception and, like the song 2 entries up, can be found in Home Alone.
10. Carol of the Bells (Any choir) – This isn’t really a pop christmas song, but I love this so much I had to put it here. I learned to love it when my high school choir performed it at a Christmas event. Very pretty when sung by a choir.

You’ve seen the best, now let’s see the worst. The songs that make you ashamed to be Christian and celebrating Christmas. Here are the 10 worst songs as viewed by me.

1. Feliz Navidad (Jose Feliciano) – I got into an argument with my 5th grade teacher, Mr. Butler, over who was the better guitarist; Jose Feliciano or Jimi Hendrix (I honestly am not making that up). To me, that was not even an argument as Jimi could play with his teeth and I maintain that teeth beats no teeth every time. I still hear this song in my sleep from when Steph and I put up our Christmas tree lights this year.
2. Little Drummer Boy (David Bowie/Bing Crosby)See this awful, awful video here. Why must singers look soulfully into the distance when singing? Is there something off camera worth looking at? Why can’t I see, too? This is actually considered a classic, but I think it’s a classic piece of crap. Why, Bing, WHY?!
3. Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk this Christmas) (John Denver) – Is this song real? It sounds like a Weird Al parody. I could’ve written this song. Is it supposed to be funny, or poignant? Whatever it’s supposed to be, it’s entertaining, and not in a good way.
4. Silver Bells (Kathi Lee Gifford/Regis Philbin) – This song is every bit as bad as you think it is. Think Riker’s Island penitentiary…but without all the sodomy. Actually, you’d probably welcome sodomy after hearing this song.
5. I’m Gonna Email Santa (Rosie O’Donnell) – Is it redundant to put Rosie O’Donnell on a Worst Christmas song list? This song is pretty much a commercial for Santa.com. Also, Rosie learned that she can’t sing when she released her first Christmas album, so on the next album (which includes this song) her voice is so overproduced it doesn’t even sound like her. Which is good cause it doesn’t sound like her, but bad because the voice now sounds like Joshua from War Games. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME? Actually, that’s kinda cool…..
6. Do You Hear What I Hear? (Rosie O’Donnell & Elmo) – It’s like someone said, “How can we make listening to a song sung by Rosie O’Donnell worse? I know, let’s have her sing with that irritating Muppet you tickle.” Maybe for the next Rosie Christmas album she can hire someone to come in my house and punch me repeatedly in the testicles as I listen to her album. No, that would actually be better than this song.
7. Have a Rosie Christmas (Rosie O’Donnell) – If Rosie’s goal by singing this was to give me the compulsion to first, kill her, then kill myself, all I have to say is……mission accomplished, Rosie……mission accomplished.
8. Dear Mr. Jesus (Faceless, Abused Child) – I know the intentions behind this song are noble, but, oh dear, sweet jesus, this song is flat out awful. It’s sung by a sweet child, yet it’s about another child who is physically abused by her parents. By the end I’m ready to either search out the abusive parents and string them up for all to see, or slit my own wrists. Since I’m lazy, it’ll probably be the latter.
9. Jingle Bells (Jingle Dogs) – After listening to just one song off any of these stupid CDs, you too will believe in euthanasia for animals.
10. Do They Know It’s Christmas Time At All? (Band Aid) – This one toes the line of being abso-awful and just plain awful, but, for me, it’s just plain awful. Watching the music video is like watching the video yearbook of a drug rehab clinic circa 1982. It’s poetic to see some of the wealthiest musicians of that time sing about awareness of the poor in Africa. Do people in Africa even celebrate Xmas?

Well, that’s my list and I’m stickin’ to it. By now you are either extolling the unlimited boundaries of my genius, or cursing me to an early grave. Hey, this is all subjective and only my opinion, except for the Rosie O’Donnell songs. Those are awful, and that’s a fact supported by modern science.

Anywho, hope everyone has a great Christmas. I’m heading back home to Birmingham, AL on Saturday. Hope you all get what you want. Personally, I hope I’ll be getting a Nintendo Wii. After this article, I’m sure Santa is going to give me the Kathy Lee Gifford album.

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