Author Archive

Twilight: The Art of making vampires lame

Posted in books, movies, pop culture, reviews, Twilight, vampires with tags , , , on March 24, 2009 by Paxton

Twilight posterSo, Twilight came out on DVD this past Saturday.  I’ve had people ask me to read the book or see the movie because they want to know what I think.  I’m told I would love the books and/or movie because I love fantasy/sci-fi books.  Well, as a litmus test, I decided to watch Twilight the movie to decide whether I will continue on with reading the books (I got the first book for Xmas).  I admit, I do love vampires (they are, appropriately, AWESOME) and I do enjoy teen fiction, so this should be a good fit.

So I be-bopped on over to Blockbuster on Saturday afternoon and was able to pick up a copy (one of many left on the shelf) of Twilight on Blu-Ray.  Interesting, because I would think that more copies would be gone from the shelves based on the popularity of this movie.  Conversely, the movies Role Models and Sex Drive were gone completely from the Blu-Ray stacks.  I had to pick up these last two in Standard Def (disappointment already).  Anyway, the wife and I ordered pizza and popped Twilight into the DVD player.

Here’s what I thought: Awful.  Terrible.  Horrible.  I realize I’m about to piss off the collective throngs of Team Edward, but it’s got to be said.  This movie is terrible.

Even my wife didn’t enjoy it.  She didn’t hate it like I did, but she said she preferred the movie Watchmen to Twilight, and to me, that speaks VOLUMES about the enjoyment level of this movie.  Acting, script, the portrayal of the vampires in general.  Just plain God-awful.  Stephanie Meyer takes what’s awesome about vampires, rolls it up into a tiny ball and wipes her ass with it.  Then she sets it on fire and pisses all over the ashes.  Everything I love about vampires is stripped away and made into the Harlequin Romance version of vampires.  And Edward Cullen, is the Fabio of this fable.  They may as well have cast Fabio as Edward.

harlequin twilight

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Movie adaptations that are better than the original book

Posted in books, reviews, Watchmen with tags , on March 18, 2009 by Paxton

So you just finished my Weekly Geeks entry about the worst book-to-film adaptation of all time.  What now?  Well, as a bonus, I thought I’d compile a list of movies that are actually better than the original book they were based on. It’s rare when this happens, and it’s the exception, not the rule, but it does happen.  I could think of three.

Let’s begin:

The Natural

The Natural by Bernard Malamud – The movie with Robert Redford and Glenn Close was fantastic. One of the all-time classic baseball movies. The book? Pretty much the same story until the very end.  I guess Malamud thought that Hobbs hitting the home-run that wins the Knights the pennant was too Hollywood.  In this book, Roy strikes out, loses the game and dies penniless, alone and forgotten in a New York City sewer.  There’s actually a bit at the end where someone wonders, years later, what happened to him.  Yeah, that’s a much better ending.

Forrest GumpForrest Gump by Winston Groom – Granted, I’m not a HUGE fan of this movie, but it was sweet and entertaining enough that I don’t hate it. The book, however, receives the full brunt of my white hot hatred.  It contains a lot of the story in the movie, plus so much other utterly  insane crap that several times I had to look at the front of the book to make sure I was still reading Forrest Gump.  Part of the book takes place in the African Jungles where Forrest is lost for years (he even marries a tribal woman from an African tribe he lives with). There’s also an entire section of Forrest going to live with Jenny at college and them doing nothing but having sex everyday. Seriously.  EVERYDAY.  Jenny even mentions it.  And don’t worry, I checked, I was not, in fact, reading the novelization of Forrest Hump, it was Forrest Gump.  That wasn’t the only thing.  He also becomes an astronaut and blah blah blah.  It’s endless monotonous marches through history that we got plenty of in the movie.  But it was more.  And more obnoxiously over-the-top.  Needless to say, I really didn’t like the book.

Watchmen graphic novelWatchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons – I talked about this last week, but I have never been a fan of this graphic novel. The premise and the overall idea that Moore was trying to get across, I loved. However the presentation left a lot to be desired. It seemed dense and all over the place to me. The movie took the book and set it in a more focused timeline and gave you the same ideas that were posited in the graphic novel but in a more satisfying way. So, to me, the movie is better and more enjoyable than the graphic novel. However, I am going to give this novel one more chance (third time is the charm) to wow me, but I’m not expecting any difference than the first two times I read it.

Weekly Geeks – 2009 – 10 – Worst book/movie adaptations

Posted in books, Jumper, movies, Weekly Geeks with tags , , , on March 17, 2009 by Paxton

Weekly Geeks

Weekly Geeks has really been on a role lately with some very good topics. Last week was the favorite author quotes and this week they want you to discuss what, in my opinion, is the worst book-to-film adaptation ever. Here’s the challenge:

Worst movie adaptations: The recent release of Watchmen based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore got me thinking about what I thought were the worst movie adaptations of books. What book or books did a director or directors completely ruin in the adaptation(s) that you wish you could “unsee,” and why in your opinion, what made it or them so bad in contrast to the book or books?

This is an interesting topic because people can really get bent out of shape when their favorite books are supposedly done “wrong” on the big screen. To me, a book-to-film adaptation has to be taken as something completely on its own.  The movie can be a good movie on it’s own merit, but also still adapt the source material poorly by changing the story or characters.  To me, that’s still a win.  If the movie makers take the source material and make an interesting movie, then I’m happy.  I figure, if the movie is good, maybe it will entice people to check out the source material for themselves. That is a big win, because now more people will read the book and get the author’s original vision. But if the movie turns out, on its own, to be a bad movie, then you have people turning away from the original source, and that’s bad.  So the question is really this; Is the movie bad, or is it just bad because you care so much about the source material you can’t separate the two? It’s the classic “chicken and the egg” syndrome.

So, having said this, I think, for me, the movie that is a poor adaptation of its source book, regardless of its merits as a movie, is Jumper.

Jumper book Jumper movie

I saw this movie without any knowledge of the book, or that there even was a book. I enjoyed the movie as a whole, even though there were flaws. Hayden Christensen isn’t great as the main character. He’s a little whiny and immature. I loved Jamie Bell’s character of Griffin and the entire concept of people born with the ability to Jump. So, overall, this was a good action movie with nice special effects. Then I find out it was based on a series of books. I was intrigued.

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Quick history of Watchmen and a review of the movie

Posted in comic books, movies, pop culture, reviews, Watchmen with tags , , , on March 12, 2009 by Paxton

Watchmen poster

Okay, I convinced Steph to come with me to see Watchmen last night. Wednesday nights are sometimes our impromptu movie nights because the theaters tend to be devoid of annoying teenagers talking on their cell phones and to each other.  We saw Iron Man this way and it can be a pleasant experience.

I’ve had several people ask me what I thought of this movie so I thought I’d do a semi-movie review.  I’m also going to talk a bit about the graphic novel because I’m guessing the majority of you may not know the history behind it.  It’s interesting how big a release this movie became considering the average movie going patron may not really know who or what Watchmen is or where it came from.  So before I talk about the movie, let’s just do a quick recap about where the story of Watchmen came from and what it’s about.  If you just want the movie review, you impatient sonova-bee sting, then skip down to that section.

Watchmen was a twelve issue comic book limited series released in 1986 and 1987 by DC Comics.  It was written by legendary writer Alan Moore who also wrote other famous limited edition comics League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, V for Vendetta and From Hell.  Moore is notorious for being extremely anti-establishment and has preemptively dis-owned the movie versions of all of his comic novels.  Alan Moore’s idea was to take a hard look at superheroes and portray them as normal, flawed human beings.  Moore based the story in our reality, albeit a slightly altered one in which superheroes existed.  In keeping with our reality, even though the characters are called superheroes, only one character displays obvious supernatural powers.  The appearance of these heroes has altered the outcome of certain historical events including the Vietnam War, which we win with help from the heroes and Richard Nixon’s presidency which is extended because of the win in Vietnam.  Moore would use this setting to deconstruct the idea of superheroes as benevolent crime-fighters and show that they, too, are susceptible to the human traits of selfishness, greed and murder.

Watchmen graphic novel

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Weekly Geeks 2009-09 — Favorite book/author quotes

Posted in books, humor, Mark Twain, Weekly Geeks with tags , , , on March 10, 2009 by Paxton

Weekly Geeks

It’s time, once again, for that weekly dose of geekiness, Weekly Geeks!

This week’s theme is “A Quote A Day”.  They want you to give 7 quotes from or about your favorite books and/or authors.  We can post one a day, several a day, as long as you get in about 7 quotes.  Here’s the task:

You may want to come up with a theme, such as favorite passages from books, author quotes, political quotes, quotes about books or reading, humorous quotes, whatever. Or you may not want a theme at all; maybe you just want to gather up seven assorted quotes that appeal to you. You may want to start each of your posts of the week with a quote, or you may want to give quotes posts of their own in addition to your regular posts. It’s all up to you!

One of my favorite authors of all time is Mark Twain. He is consistently one of the most entertaining writers of fiction and non-fiction we have ever known.

Mark Twain

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