My Name is Pax and I’ve Lost All Feeling in my Legs…


Well, it’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Everyone is prepping to wear their maternity pants tomorrow to stuff in the largest amount of food you can possibly eat in one sitting. Then, a few hours later, create leftovers and do it again. It’s a ritual, and I love it.

In preparation for the food orgy to come, I went to my first spin class last night. For those that don’t know what spin is, it’s a class at the local gym where two midgets wearing Gene Simmons’ spiked KISS boots jump up and down on your legs for an hour. No, I’m kidding that’s not what it is, but it feels like it. It’s like a bicycle sprint into Hell set to cheesy music. I’ve been running 3-4 miles every other day since February. I also do about 100 push ups every other day (on average). I thought I was in pretty good shape. It took maybe 10 minutes in the spin class to realize that I was mistaken.

Thanks to spin class, today, I’m a complete wreck. I am so sore. Everyone of my muscles is a useless slab of spent flesh. Sammy Sosa could come in here and start beating my legs with a baseball bat and I would just laugh at him. When I walk, I look like some kind of spasming, freak show. People throw coins at me when I walk by. I actually heard someone yell, “For the love of God, put it out of its misery!” when I was walking to the bathroom. Some people are so cruel.

Time to pop 6 Extra Strength Tylenols and make a visit to No Pain Town. Despite my grumbling, it was a great workout and I’ll most definitely do it again.

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

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