Cavalcade of Awesome

Another great assignment for The League this week. Probably the best one we’ve had. I might have to say that this is the single greatest topic ever conceived in the history of blogging, the Internet, or probably in anything. EVER.  And I think the person who suggested said topic is probably as handsome as he his distinguished in his bad assness.  The topic?

Remake one of your favorite movies with a cast of current Hollywood stars.

The person who suggested it?  The Man-God known as…me.  Yes, this is my topic suggestion for the week.  I think it’s pretty awesome, hopefully the rest of the League does as well (how could they not?).  Anyway, on to this week’s topic. Hollywood loves remakes and reboots. Most recently Hollywood also loves movies based on board games. Why not combine the two?  I thought that this was the “perfect storm” of events I needed to beat Hollywood to the punch and cast a reboot of a popular 80s movie based on a board game.  And the movie I chose is one of my favorite comedies of all time, Clue: The Movie (which just hit Blu-Ray on Tues).

There has been talk for years of remaking this movie and currently Gore Verbinski is attached (director of the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies).  Who knows how that’s going to turn out, so let’s take a look at my own personal “dream cast” for a new Clue movie. Now just note, I view this reboot as a true, “hard” reboot.  It would stay true to the spirit and look of the original movie to a point, but it would not be “in continuity” with the original.  It would truly stand on its own.

Here we go.  You can click the card images of the new cast to see them bigger.

Wadsworth – Michael Sheen – Originally played by the great Tim Curry.  In my eyes there is no better casting for this role than Michael Sheen.  You’ve seen him in the Underworld movies as well as Tron: Legacy and Frost/Nixon.

Miss Scarlet – Scarlett Johansson – Originally played by Lesley Ann Warren. Warren was good and funny, but she was not my favorite of the original ensemble. I think ScarJo would be an upgrade. Plus, she has proven that she can do comedy pretty well. And, she’s rather attractive, as Miss Scarlet is supposed to be (not to say that Warren wasn’t attractive).

Col Mustard – This was the hardest role to cast.  I am a huge fan of Martin Mull. Just watch him in Mr Mom. He almost steals the movie. Anyway, I was going to put Ed Helms here, and he’d probably be great, but I don’t buy him as a former Army colonel.  So, I decided there are two ways to go here, I can go with a more conventional pick that I think fits really well or I can go with an “out of the box” pick.  I think I’m leaning towards my “conventional pick”, John C Reilly.  Reilly is really funny and I do buy him as a former colonel.  As for my unconventional pick, I also really like Bob De Niro.  The last decade or so De Niro has shown he has an affinity for comedies and  I totally think he’d work.  However, as part of this “comedy all star” ensemble I’m building, De Niro sticks out like a sore thumb.

Mrs Peacock – Kristen Wiig – Originally played by the great Eileen Brennan.  Wiig is perfect for this part because not only does she look a bit like Brennan (check out the images for comparison), she is funny and quirky and weird.  Exactly how Brennan played Mrs Peacock.

Ms White – Tina Fey – Next to Col Mustard, this is the role I had the most trouble casting.  How do you replace Madeline Kahn?  You don’t, because you can’t.  I picked the reigning queen of comedy, Tina Fey, for this role. I don’t think she’ll be able to play it the same as Kahn, no one could, so Fey would have to give it her own spin and I trust that she could make it funny.

Mr Green – Steve Carell – I struggled with this one.  Michael McKean is amazingly funny in everything he does.  He’s really hard to replace.  But I went with Steve Carrell.  I can see Steve pulling off the neurotic awkwardness that McKean did so well.

Prof Plum – Thomas Lennon – I love this guy.  Probably best known as Lt Dangle on Reno: 911.  He also has had very memorable supporting roles in things like Balls of Fury, I Love You Man, Hancock and 17 Again.  He’s really funny and I like the idea of him as the socially awkward psychiatrist who sleeps with his patients.

Yvette – Alice Eve – Originally played by Colleen Camp.  Alice Eve is probably best known from the movie She’s Out of My League.  But she also famously turned down the role of Emma Frost in X-Men: First Class.  I picked Alice Eve because she’s beautiful, she can be funny and I want to see her in a revealing maid outfit for an entire movie.   Call me selfish.

Mr Boddy – This role is, essentially, a cameo.  We need someone to die ten minutes into the picture and set off the “murder mystery” chain of events in the movie.  This is another part that can go one of two ways.  #1 is a fun cameo with an original Clue cast member.  Tim Curry, Michael McKean or Martin Mull would be perfect for this.  However, #2, it would be fun to have some other really famous actor play this role.  Someone like, Johnny Depp, who for some reason is the first celebrity that popped in my head.  We could plaster their name on the poster and hype it really big.  Then, 10 minutes in the movie we pull a Psycho and kill him.  Then he’s just a dead body throughout the rest of the movie.  I love both of these ideas and I’m not quite sure which one to do.  Gun to my head, I think I’m going to pick the “original Clue actor” cameo. So Tim Curry it is.  Nevertheless, I still made Depp a Clue card. See it here.

There are several other “side characters” that get murdered during the movie.  A stranded motorist, the cook, the cop and the singing telegram girl.  These are ripe for cameos as well.  Perhaps more of the original cast?  I like the idea of the original cast getting killed by the new cast.  But I want to avoid distracting from the story.  So some other celebrity cameos for these roles:

Stranded motorist – I would really like to get Rick Moranis out of retirement to be in this movie, but he’s even saying no to Ghostbusters 3, so I doubt he’d be in a Clue reboot.  He’d be great here, but I have to go with plan B, which would be someone like Jay Baruchel.

The Cook – I was thinking Melissa McCarthy would be awesome.  But I hate to put someone as great as her in a non-speaking cameo.  I would have to have some lines written for her, or just let her ad lib.  It would also be funny to have a celebrity chef here.  Rachel Ray, maybe.

Cop – Would Reginald VelJohnson be too on the nose for this part?  I don’t care.  I want him.

Singing telegram girl – Originally played by The Go-Gos guitarist Jane Wiedlin. So maybe another musician?  I’m thinking Gwen Stefani.

I really like how this movie is shaping up.  I think Paul Feig may be a good director for this.  He did awesome with the ensemble cast in Bridesmaids.  Honestly, I’d just let Tina Fey and Kristin Wiig write it.  Done and done.

Other reboots from around the League:

1. Dex reboots Flash Gordon which can only be better than the original.
2. Shez Crafti brilliantly reboots Masters of the Universe.
3. Brian reboots Star Wars—wait, no, I mean Shoot to Kill

This entry was posted on August 10, 2012 at 10:00 am and is filed under movies, pop culture with tags Clue, LEB, movies, pop culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.