Cavalcade of Awesome

So, on Tuesday I talked about my favorite movies of 2010. Now it’s time to take a look at the Movie Board and pick the worst movies I saw last year. Here’s a quick refresher of this year’s Movie Board:

My Movie Board 2010

You can see previous years’ Movie Boards here.

Now let’s see what movies I felt were a waste of my valuable time in 2010.

In no particular order.

Sex and the City 2 – Yes I saw this.  My wife loved this show.  She has the full box set of DVDs she watches nearly every summer.  I watch the show every once in a while with her.  It’s not awful.  I can’t watch too much of it at once, but I don’t hate the show.  It can be pretty amusing at times.  I even went to see the first movie with her, and enjoyed it.  So I expected at least some light humor and to be mildly entertained.  Instead, I HATE THIS F***ING MOVIE.  Hate it with all the fiery hatred in the bowels of Hell.  They should have stopped at the last movie.  The Samantha character is RIDICULOUS.  At 60, they are still trying to make her the fiery sex bomb and it doesn’t work anymore.  She looks old.  And her antics are cringe inducing.  The Carrie character, who was never my favorite anyway, is off the charts irritating in this one.  Why anyone would go out with, or stay married to her is beyond me.  This movie was worse than terrible.  It was offensive.  If there’s a part 3, I will not see it.  But judging from the box office, there won’t be a part 3.  So there is a God.

The American – F**k movie studio marketing departments.  F**k. Them.  They totally played this as a European Bourne Identity.  However, it’s more like those old, slowly paced ’70s action movies everyone remembers loving but when they watch them now, realize how goddam boring they are.  I think I was more pissed at the bait and switch than this being a bad movie.  If I had known what I was in for and adjusted my expectations, I think I might have enjoyed this.  I say MIGHT.  It is a very European style movie with long boring shots, minimal dialogue and some nudity.  I just went in expecting something completely different and I totally blame the marketing departments of the movie studio.  They can suck it.

The Last Airbender – Wow, this movie looked awesome, didn’t it?  I started watching the original cartoon based on this movie’s first trailer.  And the cartoon is AWESOME.  Seriously.  Watch it.  It’s really fantastic and I’ve only seen the first season.  I don’t know how M Night s**t the bed on this one.  It was all laid out in that first season.  The entire story, the emotional beats, the action.  The first three seasons of the cartoon could have been three sick movies.  But then M Night had to happen and I’m pretty sure we’ll never see this story on the big screen again.  Part of the problem was the casting.  None of the actors really fit the parts.  Well, the main kid fit, but he couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag.  All of the actors.  They weren’t awful, but they weren’t good, either.  The movie’s effects looked beautiful though.  But watch the cartoon and skip this flaming pile of monkey poo.  I’ll be surprised if M Night directs another movie after his last two terrible movies.

Grown Ups – I am totally the audience for this movie.  I enjoyed Sandler in Bedtime Stories.  Click was good too.  Hell, I even enjoyed Paul Blart for God’s sakes.  This movie was tailor-made for me.  And I didn’t like it.  Not one bit.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I chuckled at a few parts, but overall, I was extremely disappointed.  Even for this movie, many of the jokes were telegraphed and/or completely obvious from a mile away.  Plus, again, many of the funniest jokes were ruined by the trailer.  WTF, trailer guys?!  A movie like this lives and dies by the funny bits and watching them all in the trailer, you don’t really need to see the movie.  Disappointment.  That’s pretty much all I came away with after this movie ended.

Those were the worst movies I saw last year. Now, here are some other bad movies I think you should stay away from.

Skyline – Wow. Not good. The movie starts with like 6 characters but four of them get killed off. That’s not the problem, the problem is that the movie spent a good 30 minutes building back story for the people that died. Why? Then, just as the movie starts getting fairly good, BOOM!…….End Credits. The entire first hour could have been cut to like 15 minutes. Seriously, the last 2 minutes looks like the movie is about to amp up into this awesome alien battle and then the end credits roll. I was so pissed.
Robin Hood – Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe and Robin Hood. What’s not gonna be awesome about that? Am I right?  Well, it’s not awesome.  It’s kinda f***ing boring. The whole “Robin Hood” thing doesn’t really happen until the end, plus this movie doesn’t add anything that the Kevin Costner version didn’t add. While Russell Crowe was more bad ass as Robin Hood, the Costner Robin Hood was a lot more fun.  And Russell played it more like Maximus Hood. And as much as I love Cate Blanchett, she was miscast in this. So disappointing. I really wanted to love this.

This entry was posted on January 13, 2011 at 8:00 am and is filed under movies, reviews with tags Academy Awards, Movie Board, movies, Oscars, reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.