Horror Movie Marathon: Human Centipede and Sex and the City 2
Okay, so I girded my loins the past few days and I watched two movies that I really wasn’t looking forward to watching. Let’s see if they were any good.
The Human Centipede – This movie has been getting a lot of internet buzz lately. You could almost say it was this year’s Snakes on a Plane. Except instead of the concept of Sam Jackson saying “…snakes on a muthaf—in’ plane!” you get the idea of a mad surgeon sewing people together ass to mouth. The film is playing in less than 20 theaters across the country, none of which are here in Jacksonville, but Comcast is simultaneously offering it On-Demand. So my friend Jason was visiting and we thought we’d give it a shot and bought The Human Centipede from On-Demand, in HD, no doubt.
This movie is flat out horrifying. Plain and simple. But it’s the idea of what’s happening that’s horrifying, not so much the images in the movie. This isn’t Saw, or Hostel. There’s not buckets of blood and gore. It’s just the idea of the mechanics of this “human centipede” that are completely disgusting. I mean, I was thinking about the concept of the “human centipede” for a few days after I watched the movie. That’s how disturbing it was. The plot is thin, a demented surgeon has decided to take on the challenge of combining three people through their gastro-intestinal systems and creating this horrific living “pet” for himself. Connected mouth to anus, the idea of being within this sick creation is enough to make you nauseous and your skin crawl. And the doctor is successful much faster than you would expect. 46 minutes into the movie the full centipede is revealed in all of its revolting glory and you get this bizarre celebratory scene by the doctor as he cries over his new creation and kisses himself in a mirror. Next come some horrifyingly weird scenes where the doctor tries to train his new pet to fetch the newspaper. I kid you not, this movie is weird, gross, horrifying and disturbing. I’m glad I watched it, but I will never watch it again. They are currently developing the sequel right now, so maybe I’ll watch that, but considering who lives and who dies at the end of this movie, I’m not sure how they’ll continue this.
Sex and the City 2 – From one horrifying idea to another. My wife is a huge fan of this show. I bought her the complete series giftset a few years ago and she’s watched it through probably three or four times. I’ve seen a bunch of episodes with her and I enjoy the show for what it is, light entertainment, but it’s not something I want to watch all the time. I went to see the first movie in the theater with my wife and also enjoyed it in much the same way as the series. It was like an extended episode. Light and fluffy entertainment. So, I wasn’t really looking foward to the sequel because I thought everything about these characters has really been said but my wife was excited to see it and she goes to see a bunch of man movies with me so I took her to see this as an “out of school for summer” celebration.
Did I like it? Well, I didn’t HATE it. First of all, the character of Carrie drives me crazy. She is so damn irritating. She starts bitching at her husband Big (James) for the stupidest things. He can’t get anything right. Carrie is like nails on a chalkboard to me. And Samantha is out of control. I know Samantha’s character is all about being loud and crude, but it’s getting old (like Kim Catrall). Catrall needs to turn the volume down a sconch. Some of the scenes are funny (Miranda and Charlotte get drunk talking about what horrible mothers they are) and some are completely ridiculous (Liza Minelli sings All The Single Ladies at a gay wedding). I think the shine is off the franchise. The movie is so hit and miss that it’s hard to get any momentum going. Each time you watch a scene where you are laughing, the next scene has you rolling your eyes thinking, “Did Samantha just say, ‘Lawrence of my Labia’? Seriously?” I know I’m bitching a lot about the movie, but there were some genuinely funny parts. It’s just 50-50 good and bad.
So, for me, it’s no longer interesting to follow these four characters as they are pretty much in the section of their lives labeled, “Happily Ever After” and I really hope it stays that way.
As an FYI, the new Karate Kid opens this weekend (today, actually). After having no interest in the idea of Will Smith’s kid as Daniel-san, I am now in full on excited mode. Jackie Chan looks fantastic as the Mr Miyagi character, Mr Han, and I like they changed the location to Beijing. I just wish they’d kept the original title of The Kung-Fu Kid. Gotta love American studios and their “branding”. So tonight, as a celebration, Encore (and EncoreHD) are showing a Karate Kid marathon starting at 5:50pm Eastern. You can watch all four movies tonight before going to see the new Karate Kid (if you don’t see it Friday night). I’ll definitely be watching that as I plan on seeing Karate Kid with my wife next week and I haven’t revisited Part III or Next Karate Kid in years. I’ll be back next week with a review of the Karate Kid movies, including the new one with Jackie Chan. See you guys then.