Horror Movie Marathon: Human Centipede and Sex and the City 2

Okay, so I girded my loins the past few days and I watched two movies that I really wasn’t looking forward to watching. Let’s see if they were any good.

The Human Centipede
The Human Centipede – This movie has been getting a lot of internet buzz lately. You could almost say it was this year’s Snakes on a Plane. Except instead of the concept of Sam Jackson saying “…snakes on a muthaf—in’ plane!” you get the idea of a mad surgeon sewing people together ass to mouth. The film is playing in less than 20 theaters across the country, none of which are here in Jacksonville, but Comcast is simultaneously offering it On-Demand. So my friend Jason was visiting and we thought we’d give it a shot and bought The Human Centipede from On-Demand, in HD, no doubt.

This movie is flat out horrifying. Plain and simple. But it’s the idea of what’s happening that’s horrifying, not so much the images in the movie. This isn’t Saw, or Hostel. There’s not buckets of blood and gore. It’s just the idea of the mechanics of this “human centipede” that are completely disgusting. I mean, I was thinking about the concept of the “human centipede” for a few days after I watched the movie. That’s how disturbing it was. The plot is thin, a demented surgeon has decided to take on the challenge of combining three people through their gastro-intestinal systems and creating this horrific living “pet” for himself. Connected mouth to anus, the idea of being within this sick creation is enough to make you nauseous and your skin crawl. And the doctor is successful much faster than you would expect. 46 minutes into the movie the full centipede is revealed in all of its revolting glory and you get this bizarre celebratory scene by the doctor as he cries over his new creation and kisses himself in a mirror. Next come some horrifyingly weird scenes where the doctor tries to train his new pet to fetch the newspaper. I kid you not, this movie is weird, gross, horrifying and disturbing. I’m glad I watched it, but I will never watch it again. They are currently developing the sequel right now, so maybe I’ll watch that, but considering who lives and who dies at the end of this movie, I’m not sure how they’ll continue this.

Sex and the City 2
Sex and the City 2 – From one horrifying idea to another.  My wife is a huge fan of this show. I bought her the complete series giftset a few years ago and she’s watched it through probably three or four times.  I’ve seen a bunch of episodes with her and I enjoy the show for what it is, light entertainment, but it’s not something I want to watch all the time.  I went to see the first movie in the theater with my wife and also enjoyed it in much the same way as the series.  It was like an extended episode.  Light and fluffy entertainment.  So, I wasn’t really looking foward to the sequel because I thought everything about these characters has really been said but my wife was excited to see it and she goes to see a bunch of man movies with me so I took her to see this as an “out of school for summer” celebration.

Did I like it?  Well, I didn’t HATE it.  First of all, the character of Carrie drives me crazy.  She is so damn irritating.  She starts bitching at her husband Big (James) for the stupidest things.  He can’t get anything right.  Carrie is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  And Samantha is out of control.  I know Samantha’s character is all about being loud and crude, but it’s getting old (like Kim Catrall).  Catrall needs to turn the volume down a sconch.  Some of the scenes are funny (Miranda and Charlotte get drunk talking about what horrible mothers they are) and some are completely ridiculous (Liza Minelli sings All The Single Ladies at a gay wedding).  I think the shine is off the franchise.  The movie is so hit and miss that it’s hard to get any momentum going.   Each time you watch a scene where you are laughing, the next scene has you rolling your eyes thinking, “Did Samantha just say, ‘Lawrence of my Labia’?  Seriously?”  I know I’m bitching a lot about the movie, but there were some genuinely funny parts.  It’s just 50-50 good and bad.

So, for me, it’s no longer interesting to follow these four characters as they are pretty much in the section of their lives labeled, “Happily Ever After” and I really hope it stays that way.

Karate Kid 1985 Karate Kid 2010

As an FYI, the new Karate Kid opens this weekend (today, actually).  After having no interest in the idea of Will Smith’s kid as Daniel-san, I am now in full on excited mode.  Jackie Chan looks fantastic as the Mr Miyagi character, Mr Han, and I like they changed the location to Beijing.  I just wish they’d kept the original title of The Kung-Fu Kid.  Gotta love American studios and their “branding”.  So tonight, as a celebration, Encore (and EncoreHD) are showing a Karate Kid marathon starting at 5:50pm Eastern.  You can watch all four movies tonight before going to see the new Karate Kid (if you don’t see it Friday night).  I’ll definitely be watching that as I plan on seeing Karate Kid with my wife next week and I haven’t revisited Part III or Next Karate Kid in years.  I’ll be back next week with a review of the Karate Kid movies, including the new one with Jackie Chan.  See you guys then.

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10 Responses to “Horror Movie Marathon: Human Centipede and Sex and the City 2”

  1. I think I’m going to try and convince the wife that we need to see a Karate Kid/A-Team double feature this weekend.

    Haven’t seen the Human Centipede yet. Kind of dreading it. Food-Eat-Poop-Eat-Poop-Eat-Poop. Shudder.

  2. Human Centipede was just downright bleak. I’d much rather watch Cabin Fever 2, at least it has a sense of humor.

    It’s a tough call b/w A-Team and Karate Kid, but seeing as how I have better memories of the Kid I think the family and I will be catching that one next weekend (it’s way too hot this weekend). Sure wish I had Encore to catch up on the original series… Netflix here I come!

  3. Shawn – I already have the wife agreeing to see an A-Team/Karate Kid double feature, but it has to be next week (hence me going to see SATC 2 last night). She’ll be out of town this weekend.

    Strange – In a way, Centipede had a sense of humor, but it was a morbid, “I can’t believe WTF just happened” sense of humor. Not dark humor, but insanity humor.

    What’s nice is the first three Kid movies are all on Netflix streaming. I had them queued up ready to go this weekend when I found out Encore was doing the marathon. I think the quality would be slightly better from EncoreHD vs Netflix streaming so I’m going that route. But I’ve been very happy with the Netflix streaming quality so far. Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you see it) Next Karate Kid is not on Netflix streaming. *shrugs* I haven’t seen it in probably 10+ years, but I don’t remember good things.

  4. You’re much braver than me! I refuse to see either of these movies.

  5. Isn’t The Next Karate Kid the one with Hilary Swank? I remember seeing that in the theatre about a bagillion years ago. I’ll be interested in hearing how you like the new Karate Kid–I’m not entirely sold on Will Smith’s son either but love Jackie Chan.

    And Sex in the City 2? Really? Aren’t they getting a little too old for sex romps around the world? Sometimes you just leave a good thing as it is…please don’t let there ever be a Friends movie.

    • Yeah, I just rewatched Next Karate Kid last night. It’s bad and boring. They don’t even mention WTF happened to Daniel. Did he finally go to college? Is he back with his mom? Did he get married? What?

  6. A Friends movie? Dear god, that really would be the end of all things as we know it, wouldn’t it? Ha!

  7. Ewwwwwww about the centipede movie!!! thats just gross.
    lol about Carrie, shes such a nag. I half expected Big to divorce her.

  8. Okay… I have never heard of the Human Centipede, but that was more than enough and I’ll avoid it at all costs while hoping that one day there will be an original and terrifying horror movie to really get into. Half way through I want to cry for my mother, it needs to be that realistic and frightening.

    Sex and the City II was torture! I went to a VIP viewing (perk of my job?). The foyer was done up like a Hollywood Premier, there was free booze and snacks and waiters and everything. I felt very out of place in my jeans and sneakers – I thought I was going to watch a movie.

    Then I did, on a really big screen. After five minutes I wanted to start gnawing on my wrists and half an hour later I wanted to walk out. Sadly, with 200 people from my industry in the theatre, I couldn’t leave.

    The series was mediocre at best. The movies are complete overkill. They should have left it where it was and not milked and squeezed it, because now there is nothing left. But I’m guessing they will use the crusty skeleton to make a third one. Oh, good, I can’t wait!

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