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Superman Week 2013: William Kotzwinkle’s Superman III novelization (1983)

Posted in pop culture, movies, Superman, books with tags movies, pop culture, reviews, Superman, comic books, Superman Week, books, Book Report, DC Comics on June 19, 2013 by Paxton

It’s Day 3 of Superman Week. I convinced CT over at Nerd Lunch and Robert over at To The Escape Hatch to join along. So leap in a single bound over to those wonderful blogs and see what Superman content they are offering up this week.

For Superman Week in 2006 (“celebrating” Superman Returns), I reviewed all of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies. So, for the release of this new Superman movie, I thought I’d go back and read the novelizations to two of those same movies. There weren’t novelizations of the first two Reeve Superman movies most likely due to a clause in screenwriter Mario Puzo’s contract that forbade anyone other than him from writing the novelizations. But for whatever reason, Puzo never got around to writing the books. So Warner Books only released novelizations for the second two movies. I looked forward to reading these novelizations because I love the two Superman sequels in a retarded sort of way and I wanted to see if there was any more awesomely insane weirdness in the books.

So, today, let’s take a look at the novelization to Superman III.

Written by William Kotzwinkle, the guy who also wrote the ET novelization. The overall structure of the movie story is intact in the novelization. The biggest difference with the book is that Kotzwinkle adds a sh*t ton of internal dialogue by nearly every character, but mostly Superman/Clark and Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor). Many of the internal monologues are weird and in the case of Superman/Clark, completely against character. A lot of Clark’s internalized conversations are him saying how he could fly someone he doesn’t like to the moon and leave them there. You know, stuff like, “If only you knew I was Superman…” or “If I could, I would <fill in the blank with some super powered vengeance>”. I’m fairly certain these are supposed to setup the evil Superman later in the book, but I wasn’t buying it. It was against everything you think about Clark and Superman.

And as for Gus Gorman. Ugh. I didn’t really like Pryor’s character in the movie. Pryor did good with what he was given, but the character was dumb. This guy who can’t hold a steady job discovers that he’s some idiot savant when it comes to “computers”. What? And it’s even worse in the book. It’s made more clear in the novel that Gus literally has no idea what he’s doing or how he’s doing it. It’s like all of his computer skills are some sort of super power he can only barely control. Pryor makes the character somewhat likeable, but you don’t have that luxury in the novel. And it’s painfully clear that Pryor ad-libbed many of his lines in the movie because in the book, the dialogue for Gus might be some of the worst written crap I’ve ever read. Filled with weird late 70s-early 80s colloquialisms that make no sense. Pryor must have agreed because in the movie, he gets the same information across but in a better way.

As for the villains, the characters of Ross and Vera Webster and Lorelei aren’t much better in this novel than they were in the movie. Their back stories are fleshed out a little. We get that Vera is fiercely protective of her brother and craves his approval in everything she does. There are even a few flashbacks to their childhood. Lorelei, is still mostly one dimensional. A poor man’s Miss Tessmacher. She’s pretty and the book expands a bit more on the fact that Lorelei is actually smarter than everyone thinks she is. But it’s honestly to no further end.

Unfortunately, there’s no extra story to the evil Superman stuff. I was hoping we’d get more scenes, but we really don’t. Although, the book does say that Superman’s suit turns fully black and his eyes glow green. THAT is pretty awesome and I wish the movie would have taken it the whole way.

I’m Superman. BITCHES.

The book’s climax is essentially the same. Not really much to add. No further explanation about how Gus came up with the Super Computer idea. It’s essentially taken from drawings on napkins to fully realized in the cave. Who developed the AI software the computer runs on? Gus? He acts like he’d never seen the computer before when he walks into the cave after riding the donkey down the mountain. Don’t you think he would have supervised the entire construction? When the computer shoots the “correct” Kryptonite ray at Supes, how does the computer synthesize the .052% of unknown in the chemical makeup? It’s UNKNOWN to humans. Stuff like this needed a better explanation.

I was very disappointed with this book. I love movie novelizations and it’s rare that I don’t actually enjoy one. Especially if I like the movie. I didn’t like this and I can’t recommend it.

If you want a peak into the Superman III movie that could have been, take a glance at this unused Ilya Salkind story treatment. Prepare for appearances by Supergirl, Brainiac and Mr Mxzyptlk. It’s weird, but I think it could have been spectacular.

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Bionic Review: The Six Million Dollar Man Season 1 – Part 1

Posted in pop culture, Six Million Dollar Man, TV shows with tags Bionic Man, Bionic Review, pop culture, reviews, Six Million Dollar Man, SMDM Season 1, TV shows on May 23, 2013 by Paxton

Okay, it’s time to start reviewing regular season episodes of the show. I’ll group episodes in the same way they are presented on the DVDs. So here are the first four episodes of Season 1 from The Six Million Dollar Man.

Episode 1 – Population Zero

Special guests: Don Porter (Gidget)

Synopsis: In this episode Steve and Oscar investigate the seeming death of an entire town. After arriving Steve uses his actual moon walking space suit as a rudimentary Haz-Mat suit to investigate the town. A disgruntled scientist contacts Oscar to claim credit for the town and promises to strike again if not paid $10 million. Steve sets out to find out who the guy is and how to stop him.

Bionics: We see a lot of good bionic slow motion running in this episode, but no “bionic sound”. Not sure when that particular sound effect will start showing up. When Steve is running, the sound is silent except for the sound of a beating heart. In the episode conclusion, Steve rips a metal fence post out of the ground (including the cemented base, see pic above) and hurls it javelin-style through a truck killing all the bad guys. Probably one of the more bad ass things Austin has done and we are only in episode 1. We also learn in this episode that deep cold will hinder the performance of Steve’s bionics.

Notes: This is the first episode of the weekly series. We finally get the regular series opening with the famous tag line “Better, stronger, faster…”. The music has a very “X-Files” feel to it which is interesting because the entire opening feels like an episode of that show. It seems almost EVERYONE already knows about Steve’s bionics. Why do they bother keeping it a secret? Apparently Steve lived 20 miles from the afflicted town in this episode and knows everyone in the town by name.

Review: This was a very good episode. Steve and Oscar work well together, the story was good. The villain, played by Don Porter is fun. The perfect setup for a weekly series.

Episode 2 – Survival of the Fittest

Special guests: Joanne Worley (Rowen & Martin’s Laugh-In)

Synopsis: During important negotiations with Russian officials, Oscar’s life is threatened by individuals wanting to make sure those negotiations fail. When the plane that Steve and Oscar are flying in crashes, Steve must protect Oscar when it becomes clear that someone else on the flight is not who they appear to be.

Bionics: In the opening, Steve uses his bionics to remove lug nuts from a flat tire in one of the more “real world” applications of his abilities we’ve seen. Another instance, after the plane has crash landed, has Steve karate chopping a coconut in two. It’s not immediately clear whether he uses his bionics for this. Steve saves Oscar from getting bitten by a snake by bionically running up to the snake, grabbing it and hurling it into a rock wall, straight up murdering the snake. Without prejudice. Late in the episode we see Steve’s bionic “night vision” for the first time.

Notes: While on the plane, the in flight meal is delivered in really nice lunch boxes. Oh the golden age of commercial air flight. The plane’s engine catches on fire and the pilots immediately DROP IT OFF THE PLANE. Is that standard procedure? While crash landed on the island, someone jury rigs the CB radio and attempts communication. On what power source is that radio running? And why is no one taking off their uniforms, jackets or ties? It looks pretty hot on that island. Apparently this episode was remade as Fly Jaime for The Bionic Woman series.

Review: This is also a pretty good episode. Lee Majors is likable and fun. We get some pretty awesome bionic action and there’s a nice reveal at the end. I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. Except for Joanne Worley. I mean REALLY?

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Review of the TV movie The Dreamer of Oz (1990)

Posted in movies, pop culture, TV shows, Wizard of Oz with tags movies, Oz books readthru, pop culture, reviews, TV shows, Wizard of Oz on May 16, 2013 by Paxton

I’m going to continue with my reviews of all things Oz with a TV movie that NBC aired in 1990 called The Dreamer of Oz.

Dreamer_of_Oz_title

The movie was a fictionalized biography of the adult life of L Frank Baum and how he was inspired to write The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. I remember watching much of this when it originally aired. My family had no desire to watch it so I was vetoed during commercials and had to switch back and forth, sometimes missing chunks of the story. However, I remember it fondly and I wanted to revisit it for my Oz series.

In the movie, L Frank Baum was played by John Ritter.

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Baum’s wife, Maud, was played by Annette O’Toole. Maud’s mother, Mathilda Gage, was played by Rue McClanahan.

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Also of note, Ritter’s real life son, Jason, played one of his sons in the movie which I thought was a nice touch.

The movie is actually book ended by scenes at Grauman’s Chinese Theater (aka, TCL Chinese Theater in Hollywood) in 1939 during the world premier of the MGM musical version of The Wizard of Oz. A reporter takes an elderly Maud Baum aside and asks her about her husband Frank and how he came to write the book.

The rest of the story is told in flashback and begins about the time Maud meets Frank during a party thrown by one of Frank’s sisters. We see the courtship of the couple and the many lean years in which Frank tries to do different jobs and make ends meet. We see him start to tell his children and the children of the neighborhood pieces of a larger story about what he calls “The Magical Land”. The ideas are developed over the years and we see some of the inspirations for characters along the way. Eventually Baum meets WW Denslow while writing the book Father Goose which would go on to be a big hit. Baum gambles the royalties of that book to sell what is now called “The Land of Oz” book. And, obviously, it hits. Big time.

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I “man-down” and review Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Posted in monsters, movies, pop culture, Twilight, vampires with tags movies, pop culture, reviews, Twilight, vampires on April 29, 2013 by Paxton

Here we are again, Twilight. Once more we stare at each other across the squared circle in anticipation of this little dance that we’ve done three different times already. You show up all sparkly and melodramatic and I punch holes into your face until I’m wheezing and wishing I was watching porn.

Let’s begin this dance with a synopisis…

So the movie starts with Bella and Edward’s wedding. It’s in the woods. People show up in florescent tuxes and ascots. It’s all very ethereal and annoying. Not surprisingly Jacob isn’t in attendance until during the reception. He comes with an understandable chip on his shoulder. Edward is now actually trying to be nice and reason with him. For once, I actually feel like Edward cares for Bella. He tells Jacob that he needs him to help protect Bella. Jacob discovers that Bella hasn’t been turned yet and then he keeps focusing on the eventual “love making” that Edward is going to impart on Bella’s still human vagina and how it could kill her. It’s a rather awkward situation and Jacob just keeps going on and on about it.

After Jacob runs off very dramatically with his pack, Bella and Edward retreat to the Cullen’s private Brazilian island (of COURSE they have an island) to spend what feels like 6 months on their honeymoon. And then Bella and Edward “do the deed” and she and the bed come out looking like the scene of a street fight. Edward vows never to lay with his wife again, until he does about 10 minutes later. Bella turns up preggers with a mutant child that grows months in a matter of weeks.

The wolfpack discovers the pregnancy and plan to attack and kill the “abomination” (I agree). Jacob violently leaves the pack to protect Bella. Bella becomes weak and pallid as the baby is drawing off her life force (much like this movie is doing to me). She painfully gives birth to the child and, in spite, gives it the terrible name Renneesme (I don’t care that it’s a combo of their mothers’ names…it’s still terrible). Edward injects his “poison” into Bella’s heart after birth to turn her into a vampire but the process doesn’t seem to take and Bella seemingly dies as the Cullens and wolfpack battle. Jacob goes to kill the child himself now that Bella is “dead” but finds he’s creepily “imprinted” on the horribly named child. Since Jacob now wants to have intercourse with the baby, by the werewolf rule, she can not be harmed.

“Oh look, Jacob wants to have sex with our newborn child. How sweet.”

Bella is cleaned and dressed for her “funeral”, I guess, but suddenly her wounds heal and she awakens as a newborn vampire. And I suddenly realize that I have nothing left to give this terrible, terrible franchise. I’m struggling to find the testicular fortitude to finish the one last movie in this saga. The rest of the movies were bad, this one just was….meh. It wasn’t just f**king awful, especially compared to the second and third movies, but it’s not good, either. I was surprised that I liked Edward a little bit more in this one. He actually seemed less wooden and melodramatic and more protective of Bella. Jacob was even more of an irritating hot head than usual. And I used to like him once upon a time. We get some pretty good vamp vs werewolf action, but the wolfpack people suck. You know, I try to find one thing I like and two others that I hate spring up and take its place. Like the movie is actively trying to get me to hate it.

I think I’ve said this before, but I’m going to watch the last and final (praise Jesus) movie out of sheer dogged stubbornness. But I won’t enjoy it. Like experiencing a prison rape at Riker’s Island, I’ve just got to bite down and get through it.

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Bionic Review: Dynamite Comics’ The Bionic Man (2011)

Posted in Bionic Man, comic books, movies, pop culture, TV shows with tags Bionic Man, Bionic Review, comic books, movies, pop culture, reviews, Six Million Dollar Man, SMDM Comic, TV shows on March 29, 2013 by Paxton

Richard Anderson, the man who played Oscar Goldman in The Six Million Dollar Man TV series tried for years to get a Bionic Man movie off the ground. Many different writers took a stab at a script. In the mid-90s, Kevin Smith famously wrote a script for a Bionic Man movie that was a reboot of the TV series. I was very excited about this prospect as, at the time, I was a big fan of Kevin Smith and loved the idea of him re-imagining the Steve Austin universe (of which I was a big fan). Unfortunately, nothing ever happened on that project. It just disappeared. Then, in March 2011, Kevin Smith announced that his unproduced script would be re-adapted into a comic book series for Dynamite comics. The comic’s script would be written by Phil Hester and be based on Smith’s movie script. The book’s interiors would be drawn by Jonathan Lau, it would have Alex Ross variant covers and the name would be Kevin Smith’s The Bionic Man. The first issue would be released in August 2011.

Up to this point I have read the first 14 issues of Dynamite’s The Bionic Man. The first 10 issues contain the story arc that is taken directly from Kevin Smith’s unproduced script.

Essential Plot: It starts off very similar to the original TV show/novel. The events have been updated a bit and a few things changed. We actually start off, not with Steve Austin, but with a break in at a government laboratory. An unknown assailant kills all the scientists and steals what looks like a bionic arm. Then we cut to Steve Austin at home. He’s still a test pilot. He’s engaged to Jaime Sommers. Austin is about to retire as a test pilot and marry Jaime. He just has one more test flight to make. And what happens is exactly what you expect. Something goes wrong with the flight, Austin crashes and loses both of his legs, his right arm and his left eye. In this story he’s good friends with a younger version of Oscar Goldman. They convince Steve to become a part of their bionics experiment, so the government pronounces him dead and begin the operations to graft on the bionic limbs. There are several issues devoted to Steve’s recovery and coming to grips with the fact that he’s now part machine. In issue #7 Jaime returns as Steve unexpectedly finds himself at her house and reveals to her that he’s not, in fact, dead. In this issue we also discover that the earlier mysterious assailant from issue #1 has ties to Austin and the bionic program, so the rest of the story arc is discovering information about this assailant and Steve going after him to put a stop to his plans.

The next issue after the Smith arc, #11, was a standalone issue. Steve goes back to his parents’ ranch for some soul searching. We meet his parents and see that his father is dying.

Issue #12 begins the first new wholly original story arc. It’s written by Phil Hester and Aaron Gillespie and drawn by Ed Tadeo. This story introduces the fan favorite bionic Bigfoot from the TV show into the new bionic universe. Austin discovers some unscrupulous people are attaching bionic parts to Bigfoot creatures so he teams up with one of them to help.

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