It has successfully creeped up on us again this year, ready to slit our throats. It’s Ninja Day 2011.

Today I’m going to look at the vintage magazine called Ninja that was on the racks in the mid 80s during America’s ninja craze.  I owned many of these magazines and they were awesome, yet poorly made at the same time.  However, there was lots of awesomely deadly things that were only a mail order catalog away.

Here is what a typical issue of Ninja magazine looked like.  This is Ninja #13 from 1986.

Covers were typically artists’ conceptions of ninjas doing awesome ninja things. Inside featured articles on specific aspects of ninjas like meditation, a specific ninja weapon or a fighting style like “close quarters” fighting. There were also feature articles on types of ninjas. I remember an issue that featured women ninjas or another series of articles focusing on “elemental ninjas”. “Elemental ninjas” included the “Fire Ninja”, the “Water Ninja” and the “Wind Ninja”. I have all three of these issues.  However, I have to wonder if there was a fourth issue featuring the “Earth Ninja”. There had to be.  I’m going to have to track that one down.  Anyway, I’ll have an article discussing the Fire, Wind and Water ninjas in the future because I love this concept.

One of the best things about these magazines was the cover paintings.  They mostly featured ninjas straight up murdering people with swords and ninja stars.  And I bought all of these mags off the rack.  At a supermarket.  When I was like 11 years old.  I loved the 80s.

Anyway, let’s take a look at a few ads from Ninja magazine that I coveted.

These Asian World of Martial Arts ads were in nearly every issue of the magazine.  They were often times found on the back cover.  As you can see, they were colorful and awesome.  I wanted the stuff in these ads so bad.  As you can see, they sell mostly deadly ninja weapons.  Nunchuks, throwing stars, sai and even the deadly katana blade.  I mean, this stuff was BAD ASS.  And these weren’t fakes, these weapons could actually kill you.  I can’t believe you could buy them through the f**king mail.  I knew a kid at the time that got one of those ninja stars.  HE BROUGHT IT TO SCHOOL!  That’s just insane.  Yes, in the 80s, kids brought real ninja weapons to school.  We were that awesome.

So while the ninja weapons were on my hard core ninja want list, this ad features the one I REALLY wanted.  The holy grail. And I lusted after it in every issue. I wanted so bad to send away for this suit. You can’t really tell the quality from this ad, but I didn’t care. It was a ninja suit. For $39.95 ($24.95 for kids). And I could not convince my dad to get it for me.  No amount of begging, cajoling, promising to do extra chores.  Nothing worked.  So I had to become a “sweatsuit ninja” like most other kids around the world.  Never was I to have my own “official” ninja suit.  Oh, the memories this ad has kicked up from the darkness.

So, yes, Ninja magazine was awesome.  I’ll do a more in depth article about it later, I just thought I’d share with you a few fun ads from the magazine today, the day of the deadly ninja, 2011.

Have a good Ninja Day everyone.

Well, I was debating about delving into the final Sho Kosugi ninja movie Enter the Ninja today the same way I covered Revenge of the Ninja and Ninja III: The Domination the last few days, but I realized I have not the time nor the energy to do it. At least not today.  So, I’m going to review another ninja movie, this one from 25 years later in 2009.  It was a smaller release and the title was just Ninja.

I’m pretty sure this may have been a DVD only release. Especially in the US.  It may have opened in theaters elsewhere.  I got it from Netflix a few weeks after it was released.  One of the reasons I was kind of excited to see this movie was because it was a smaller B-movie release that was supposed to be in the style of the mid-80s ninja movies.  I thought that was a great idea, and settled in to watch some “so bad it’s good” ninja awesomeness.

But I couldn’t get into it.  And this is coming from the guy that just sat through, watched, loved and reviewed, in agonizing detail, the movies Revenge of the Ninja and Ninja III.  So to say my tastes are discerning would be less then accurate.  And I still had trouble enjoying myself.  Granted, there are over 20 years of nostalgia coloring my perceptions of those ninja movies, but still.

Plus, this movie definitely feels like it was written and filmed in 1985, then lost for 25 years and found in some dank, dirty corner of the film vaults.  The suits then decided to put this lost ninja film out to capitalize on the release of Ninja Assassin.  The script and acting are cheesy and awkward.  The film logic is odd.  However the fight scenes are nicely shot and choreographed.  I really need to give it another watch.  I feel like I’m not giving it the latitude I give a Sho Kosugi movie.  And I’m not sure why.  The story is just as flat, the acting just as bad and the ninja scenes are just as good.  I don’t know why my knee jerk reaction is that I don’t like it.

The star, Scott Adkins, is a capable action star.  Before this he had roles in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (as Weapon XI) and The Bourne Ultimatum (as Agent Kiley).  The female lead is a little irritating because she seems helpless.  She’s constantly having to be saved despite the fact that in the beginning of the movie they establish her as the daughter of a ninja teacher and every bit as deadly as the Scott Adkins character.  I don’t know.

Trust me, I’m going to give this movie another shot.  When I do, I’ll let you know if I change my mind.  Until then, this gets a not recommend.

Okay, Sunday was Ninja Day, and I’m extending that into Ninja Week here on the blog. On Monday I discussed in detail the reality rendering awesomeness that is 1983′s Revenge of the Ninja starring Sho Kosugi. Today, I want to discuss that movie’s followup, Ninja III: The Domination.

I want to say I saw this in the theater, but there’s no way my father would have let me see the R rated Ninja III when I was 10 years old. I must have rented it a few years later when I was renting Revenge of the Ninja over and over again from the local video store.  How could I not?  It was a ninja movie with Sho Kosugi and that hot chick from Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2.  Also, this movie’s director, Sam Firstenberg, also directed Revenge of the Ninja.  As a matter of fact, from 1983 to 1985 Firstenberg directed Revenge of the Ninja, Ninja III:  The Domination, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo and American Ninja.  I don’t know about you but that alone deserves some kind of lifetime achievement award or something.  I have to ask why this guy isn’t a household name.  Well, he followed up his Hall of Fame line up of 80s action movies with American Ninja 2:  The Confrontation and Delta Force 3:  The Killing Game which probably ended his career as quickly as a katana to the neck.  But no one can take way those 4 awesome 80s movies.  No one.

Anyway, this movie is completely fun, weird and absurd.  So let’s take a look.  I’m going to delve into the best aspects of this movie like I did Revenge of the Ninja because this movie deserves it.  There’s a lot of zany 80s awesomeness going on in this movie.  And I’ll be sure to point out all the gratuitous shots of Lucinda Dickey in skimpy clothes while sweatily dancing (happens more often than you think).  So grab a seat and let’s do this.

And so the awesome begins. The opening sequence is the best. A Japanese dude walks into this hidden cave, dons a ninja suit and heads to a nearby golf course to wreck complete havok. It’s never explained why he attacked the golf course. He just does it. And it’s awesome.

Here’s the ninja stopping a golf cart by lifting the back wheels off the ground. He couldn’t let the attractive couple get away because he really needed to kill them.

A group of bodyguards show up because I guess one of the golfers is famous (no explanation). One of the bodyguards pulls a gun, but before he can fire, the ninja whips out a blowgun and shoots a dart directly into the gun barrel causing the gun to explode awesomely in the bodyguards face.  This movie is so ninja.

The ninja then outruns a cop car.

The ninja is caught by like 5 cops and they open fire riddling him with bullets. In the midst of the gunfire the ninja ignites a smoke bomb and disappears. The cops have no idea where he went so they all just decide to leave. Then the ninja pops up out of the dirt. He had dug himself under the ground like a mole proving once again that, yes, he is a badass ninja.

While filled with bullet holes, the ninja crawls away and finds Lucinda Dickey as Christie, the hottest telephone repair person EVER. The ninja grabs her and does some ninja voodoo to put his spirit inside her (he wants to be IN her).

Oh, and Christie is also an aerobics instructor. So, here are some gratuitous shots of her in aerobics gear.

After her aerobics class she bumps into some thugs in the back alley. Of course, they attempt to rape her.  Notice the amount of people in the above screen shot.  There were only like 4 rapists.  Apparently everyone else in the gym came outside to see Christie get raped.  Not one person in the crowd tried to help.  But Christie, now with a little bit ‘o ninja in her, kicks all of their asses without help from the crowd.

This cheesy cop Billy creepily hits on Christie, she gives him tons of attitude, Billy has to give this ridiculous speech about loving being a cop and then we get Christie inviting him up to her apartment.  And then some more gratuitous skin shots.

This is a pretty famous scene for people who have seen this movie. Christie pours V8 all over her chest and pulls Billy on top of her.  You can surely imagine the awesome sex scene because they don’t show it to you.  At all.

And…WOH!…Billy is one hairy mofo!  Yikes, dude, you might want to take that sweater off before making sweet love to Christie.

About an hour in and Sho Kosugi finally shows up. He has an eyepatch! Sweet.

And here’s Christie sweatily dancing for no reason.

This video game I’ve never heard of before, Bouncer, lights up and projects lights onto Christie’s face. I guess the ninja spirit is talking to her through the game?  Whatever.  The ninja sword floats out of the closet and Christie has now become the ninja. And her mission is to seek out the 5 cops that shot down the ninja and kill them.

Christie tracks down the first cop in his home. He tries to hit her with a pool ball, she catches it and crushes it in her palm. She then throws him through the window which, I guess, was enough to kill him even though it was only a one story home.

Christie seeks out another of the cops that killed the ninja. An older, unattractive man who apparently is popular with the ladies. He manages to get two chicks much younger than him into a hot tub at some private club. It must be the mustache.

Christie shows up looking all hot (I thought this place was a private club) and pushes the other two girls out of the threesome.  The other two girls actually get mad that another chick joins them.  I mean, they were all prepared to go two on one with this older unattractive cop with a mustache but as soon as Christie joins the party, they get all high and mighty.  One of the girls actually says, “Let’s get out of here” and the other replies in an angry voice, “No, I want to watch this”.  Yeah, lady, that’ll show them.  And what dude would bust up a threesome into a twosome when you could turn it into a foursome?  Madness.  Oh, Christie kills all of them.  Firstenberg must hate hot tubs because there are at least three scenes of hot tubs in Revenge of the Ninja which also involve death and dismemberment.

And more of Christie dancing sweatily in her underwear. You are welcome.

Christie goes to a cop funeral to kill the rest of the cops who shot the ninja.  She waits for the 21 gun salute and starts flinging arrows into the crowd.  Ninjas must love bright white bows and arrows with huge white tail feathers. The ninjas that attacked Sho Kosugi’s family in the beginning of Revenge of the Ninja also used them.

Sho Kosugi with an eyepatch shows up to stop the ninja and pulls off the mask to reveal it’s Christie underneath. The look on his face was like, “How did a woman nearly kick my ass?”

Sho tells Christie’s hairy ass boyfriend Billy to bring Christie and meet him at “the temple on the hill”. So, apparently there’s a Shaolin temple just outside Los Angeles.

Sho removes the spirit from Christie’s body and puts it back in the original ninja body. So, yes, Sho Kosugi with an eye patch must now fight zombie ninja! And zombie ninja can throw flames from his hands?! Wha-?!

Now Christie is rid of the ninja’s spirit and gives Billy a celebratory and very situation inappropriate kiss. Get a room guys.

Sho Kosugi continues to chase the zombie ninja. Where do you think zombie ninja is hiding here?  If you guessed the one human sized crack in the ground in the middle of the screen, you guessed correctly, sir.

While Sho fights the incredibly powerful zombie ninja, Christie runs up and stabs him in the stomach with his own sword. Boo-ya, zombie ninja just got punked. However, zombie ninja is, well, a f’n ZOMBIE so he not surprisingly doesn’t die. Sho has to stab his ass in the head to kill him.  And then he disappears like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

With zombie ninja dead Christie and Billy engage in another situation inappropriate kiss. Billy looks like he’s trying to eat her head. WTF?!

Then, END CREDITS.

How great is that movie?  While not as epically ninja as Revenge of the Ninja, this one definitely amps up the cheese and is pretty epic in and of itself.  While it is disappointing that Lucinda Dickey did not get nude, she gets pretty close and there are a lot of scenes with her in nothing but her undewear, so it’s almost a wash.  Almost.

FYI, if you want to see Ninja III for yourself, it’s pretty tough to find.  As far as I know it was never released on DVD.  But you can find it on VHS or Amazon On-Demand.  Or, like Revenge of the Ninja, you can watch the movie in its entirety on YouTube in 10 parts.  However you do it, I suggest you watch this movie.

Hope you are enjoying ninja week as much as I am.  Stay tuned for one more ninja movie review on Friday.  It may or may not be as detailed as these last two.  I just love these two movies so much.

I’m continuing my celebration of Ninja Day all this week with reviews of ninja movies. Today I look at one of the greatest ninja movies of all time, Revenge of the Ninja starring Sho Kosugi.

Revenge of the Ninja is the second in an unofficial “trilogy” of ninja movies by The Cannon Group in the mid-80s. The first movie in that trilogy was Enter the Ninja (1981) and the third movie was Ninja III: The Domination (1984). All of them starred Sho Kosugi.  However neither of those movies were anywhere near as good as the middle movie, 1983′s Revenge of the Ninja. Let’s take a walk through this movie’s plot and see all the unbelievably awesome and ridiculous moments contained within.

So, the movie starts in Japan. Sho is there with his wife, young son and parents. Sho is off talking to his friend, Braden, an old white dude, when a group of like 6 ninjas show up and slaughter the family. I’m not sure why the family died, some old ninja master must be jealous of Sho’s bad ass awesomeness and sent his army to kill them all. The movie doesn’t really do a good job of explaining it.

So this group of ninjas come in and kill everyone and then lay in wait for Sho to show up. When he does arrive, they pop out of the bushes and try to kill him by shooting arrows at him.  However, these are the worst ninjas ever and they underestimated his grim determination to kick ass and Sho catches two of the arrows in his hand and then catches the third arrow IN HIS MOUTH. Surprisingly, watching Sho catch a ninja arrow in his teeth didn’t cause the ninjas to crap their gi’s and run.  However, they must have been out of arrows after this display because they stop shooting and jump out of the bushes to surround Sho instead of just shooting him with his hands and mouth full (like I said, WORST NINJAS EVER). All the better for him to ninja kick some ass.

And Sho does kick their ass rather handily. Afterwards, Sho decides to follow his friend Braden back to America and start over with his young son (who wasn’t killed) and his mother (also survived).

By the way, this is Braden. The old white guy who is also, apparently, a ninja. I guess he lived with Sho’s family for 20 years in Japan and learned their ninjitsu. However, Sho doesn’t realize that Braden is evil and is using Sho to smuggle drugs into the country. Notice Braden’s ninja outfit.  It looks like it’s made of silk and he wears a mask underneath his ninja mask.  Awesome.  And evil.

Braden is working with these also ridiculous gangsters to smuggle heroin into the country through Sho’s Japanese art museum. Obviously, they try to double cross Braden and steal the heroin themselves.  What kind of gangster doesn’t use a scantily clad or topless woman as a masseuse?  The gay kind.

Anyway, it’s six years after the ninja attack in Japan. Sho’s son, Kane (actual real son Kane Kosugi) is in elementary school. There is a ridiculous but awesome scene in which adorable little Kane in his pink Izod sweater kicks a bunch of older bullies’ asses. I don’t know why it’s in there, but I love that it is.

This is Kathy. She’s the typical 80s blonde. She works at Sho’s museum. And she’s also working for Braden to smuggle the heroin. In her first scene, she shows up in Sho’s family dojo without pants and tries to seduce him. This is the first of many times we see Kathy in skimpy outfits.  However Sho turns it into a lesson and begins to spar with her and pretty easily kicks her ass. Of course she holds her own for a bit because everyone in this movie knows some form of martial art.

The gangsters are tired of waiting for Braden to deliver the heroin so they decide to send a team in to steal it.  One of the gangster’s goons is a completely ridiculous American Indian stereotype. Seriously, with the buckskin vest and calf length moccasin boots. The head gangster even makes a crack to the Indian about scalping anyone that gets in the way.  So, of course, when he fights Sho, the Indian pulls out a couple tomahawks and tries to scalp him.  Sho breaks his neck.

So the museum is robbed and Sho needs to find out who was behind it. A friend who’s a cop and, of course, also knows karate, points him towards some ex-cons that may have some info. And these are the worst ex-cons ever. They look like the Village People and they hang out at a public playground. They scoff when Sho asks questions so Sho kicks their table apart with one kick and then proceeds to hand every single one of the hoodlums their own asses back to them as gifts. Sho asks no questions after the ass kicking.

So, Braden, realizing the gangsters may rip him off (FYI, they already did), decides to rob the museum himself as the masked ninja. He comes across grandma, the only one there, and she proceeds to nearly kick his ass. You see, grandma is a ninja, too. Braden fights her for a while and eventually barely prevails and kills her. After killing her, Braden inexplicably takes off his mask to view the dead old lady. Sho’s son Kane shows up just in time to see that the evil ninja is Braden and then barely escapes after fighting a bit with the masked ninja who apparently can almost be beaten by a grandmother and a six year old child.

Next is a truly BIZARRE scene involving this sumo wrestler dude. He is literally in just two scenes and we neither hear nor see anything else about him. In this scene he tries to rape Kathy for like 5 minutes. It’s one of the many attempts by the filmmakers to get Kathy in her underwear.  Eventually, Braden in full masked ninja mode walks in and strangles the giant Asian with a chain. He then ninja hypnotizes Kathy to go kidnap Kane and bring him back to the evil lair. The reason I know he’s ninja hypnotizing her his because his eyes glow green when he’s talking to her.

After searching around, Kathy encounters ninja kid in the family dojo and, like father, like son, Kane has a battle with Kathy. Kane actually wins, doesn’t kill Kathy and just walks away. Kathy takes the opportunity of Kane’s back being turned to just run up, grab him and run. Way to go, Kane.

With Kane kidnapped, Sho must don the ninja suit, break the seal on his katana and kick some ass.

Kathy realizes Braden is going to kill Kane so she rebels against him (what else did you expect him to do). Braden then devises a most peculiar way to deal with Kathy. I’m not sure if this is just supposed to kill her, torture her (or us) or what. He ties her into a hot tub and turns on these ridiculously powerful jets in her face. ??? The hell, Braden?  We do get another good shot of her later in nothing but her wet top and panties.  So that’s a plus.

And then we get to the final fight scene between Braden and Sho. And, to be honest, it’s every bit as awesome as you want it to be. It’s literally like 20 minutes long and Braden is like the MacGyver of ninjas. He pulls so many overly elaborate stunts, you wonder how he does it. It’s insane.

During the fight, Braden pulls the “puff of smoke” disappearing act ninjas are known for.  Sho is searching for him and Braden pops up behind him.  Sho whips around and supposedly cuts Braden in half with his sword.  However, as you can see, it was just a mannequin that Braden awesomely planted in his place before Sho could strike.  Oh, and then he disappeared again.

So Sho is looking for Braden again.  While circling around a hot tub (there are way too many scenes in this movie involving a hot tub and violence) Sho’s foot is grabbed by a hand from within the water.  Sho cuts off the arm, only to discover, again, that’s it’s a fake arm.  Braden’s fake limbs 2.  Sho’s sword 0.

After having his first mask cut off to reveal the second mask underneath, Braden busts out a portable flame thrower hidden within his suit. Who is designing this guy’s arsenal?  A portable flame thrower?!  For a ninja?!  CRAZY!

Sho finally stabs Braden with a knife and blood comes gushing out of him like a fire hose. It’s not like Sho threw a sword into him from like 20 feet away. Sho just shoved a short blade into Braden’s belly and he exploded like he had a grenade shoved into his stomach while Sho watched. END CREDITS. It was completely ridiculous and over the top and I loved every second of it.

I watched this movie probably a hundred times when I was growing up.  It’s been one of my favorites for years but I probably haven’t watched it since the late 80s.  I now remember why I loved it so much.  This movie is completely absurd but worth every single minute of the 2 hour run time.  And right now, it’s available on Netflix Streaming, which is how I watched it.  Totally worth it, friends.  If you don’t have Netflix Streaming you can watch the entire movie on YouTube in ten parts.  See Part I here.

Come back later this week for more ninja reviews.  I’ll definitely have one up on Wednesday and one on Friday.  Check back to see what ninja movie I review next.

And so dawns another Ninja Day.  Take this time to reflect on the awesomeness of a bad ass ninja.  Every year this blog celebrates Ninja Day and has done so since 2006.  Click here to see all my Ninja Day articles.

While today is officially Ninja Day, next week will be Ninja Week on the Cavalcade.  I’ll be reviewing ninja movies next week.  All having to do with the ridiculously deadly ninja, and all are vintage, from the 80s and awesome.  As a matter of fact, at least two of them star one Sho Kosugi.  He was THE 80s icon for the ninja who recently (last year) starred as the bad ass villain in Ninja Assassin.  I’ll be reviewing at least two of the movies in the Sho Kosugi 80s ninja “unofficial” trilogy I discussed in my Unofficial Movie Trilogies article a few months ago.  Want to see what they are?  Tune back in next week; same ninja time, same ninja blog.

Today, though, for Ninja Day, I want to discuss the 1985 movie, American Ninja starring Michael Dudikoff.

Specifically, I want to talk about the trouble The Cannon Group had getting it to the big screen.  The movie has an interesting history that I think will make a good tale for Ninja Day.

The production company, The Cannon Group, made many of the ninja movies back in the day during the big 80s ninja boom.  Their main ninja star was Sho Kosugi.  During post production on Ninja III: The Domination Cannon started pre-production on a movie called American Ninja.  Of course, it was going to star their main ninja, Sho Kosugi, as the villain.  At the time, I don’t think they had cast the title character. Here’s some early promotional art for the Sho Kosugi American Ninja.

(Via VintageNinja.net)

However, shortly before filming was to begin, Sho and The Cannon Group had a falling out. Sho left the production and went to make a different movie at a different studio. Cannon was left with a star-less vehicle. So to they campaigned hard to get Chuck Norris (Cannon made The Octagon with Chuck in 1980).  They must have been pretty close to signing him because they created more promotional art for American Ninja, this time replacing Sho Kosugi’s name and image with Chuck Norris.

(Via VintageNinja.net)

However, Cannon couldn’t close the deal with Norris and that, too, fell through. To make matters worse, the movie that Sho Kosugi went to work on with another studio, was also going to be titled American Ninja. And due to Cannon’s casting and production problems, it was going to hit theaters before Cannon could get their movie out. So, they changed the name of the movie to American Warrior. And it stayed American Warrior until a few weeks before release. Cannon would hire unknown Michael Dudikoff to headline the movie and replace Sho Kosugi with another Japanese actor who appeared in the awesome Gymkata as well as the previously mentioned The Octagon.

Then, right before release, Sho Kosugi’s American Ninja would be retitled 9 Deaths of the Ninja.  Cannon, not wasting any time, was happy to revert back to their original title, American Ninja, and did so despite several posters and trailers sporting the newer American Warrior moniker .  Here’s the American Ninja trailer featuring the original title.

The rest is history.  That first American Ninja movie would do very well and would out-perform Kosugi’s horrible 9 Deaths of the Ninja.  It would seem Cannon had a hit on their hands.  Unfortunately, they completely squandered the opportunity and would slash budgets and scripts throughout the production of American Ninja II – V (yes, FOUR f’n sequels) making them four of the worst movies ever seen.

Sho Kosugi would only make a few more movies before retreating to his secret ninja lair awaiting his opportunity to return to the big screen and kick all of our asses into a grainy paste in 2009′s Ninja Assassin.

And that is the tale of how Cannon got American Ninja to the big screen back in 1985.  Hope you enjoyed this little back history.  Stuff like this, original casting and title changes as they pertain to movie productions is endlessly fascinating to me.

Oh, by the way, the promotional images above came from a really kick ass ninja website called VintageNinja.net. They talk about everything from movies to toys to books, and it’s all about ninjas. So, obviously, I love the place. Go check it out and see for yourself. Today is the perfect day to do it (seeing as how it’s Ninja Day and all).

Anyway, like I promised, a plethora of ninja movie reviews next week.  See you there.