New assignment from The League. This week we are pitted against an evil conglomerate that is protected by an army of bad ass Russian ninjas (Russian ninjas, wha-?!). So I need to put together a team that does nothing but kill goddam ninjas.
It would be too easy to say, “I’ll take the JLA” or “The Avengers” and be done with it. However, I’m going with non-super powered heroes. As a matter of fact, I’m staying away from all supernatural characters. I’m going to treat this as an 80s movie/TV project. Which means I will also limit myself to characters from the 1980s, so no Jack Bauer (sad face) or Jason Bourne (well, the Matt Damon version).
So, let’s do this. The five members of my own personal team of ninja killers from the 1980s:
1. John “The Master” McCallister (The Master)- The older, wiser ninja leader. Plus Lee Van Cleef is just BAD ASS.
2. Sho Kosugi (Ninja Trilogy) – I didn’t pick a character here, I picked the actor mainly because Sho transcends the characters he plays. It doesn’t matter if I pick Cho Osaki from Revenge of the Ninja or Shiro Tanaka from Rage of Honor. They are all the same bad ass ninja mo-fo and I need him to help defeat the ninja army. Plus, he catches ninja arrows IN HIS TEETH.
3. Scott James (The Octagon) – Scott James was built to kill f’n ninjas. He single handedly takes on a terrorist organization comprised of deadly, deadly ninjas (led by the awesome Tadashi Yamashita) with just his wits, super fast roundhouse kicks and copious amounts of chest hair. Qualifications ACCEPTED, Mr James.
4. Joe Armstrong (American Ninja) – Another dude created to kill ninjas. Joe here defeated one of the fiercest ninjas ever, the Black Star Ninja (played, again, by the awesome Tadashi Yamashita). He’s the American Ninja and he’s on this team.
5. Jonathan Cabot (Gymkata) – Former gymnast turned master of the deadly martial art Gymkata, which is a mash up of gymnastic moves and the ninjitsu fighting style. I only need to make sure that the team goes to places that have things like high bars and pommel horses just lying around so he can “do his thang”.
More ninja killers from around the League:
1. Shez Crafti’s Ninja Force 5
2. Green Plastic Squirt Gun also recruits Chuck Norris as well as Ash
3. Memories of Toymorrow recruits a bunch of awesome ninjas to fight ninjas
4. The Man Who Stares at Toys recruits Sarah Connor and Tackleberry
5. Cool and Collected recruits a malfunctioning robot and the hot chick from Buck Rogers