Archive for humor

Slammy Awards: The 5 most hilariously awful musical albums by professional wrestlers

Posted in Hulk Hogan, nostalgia, pop culture, wrestling, WWF with tags , , , , , , , on July 8, 2009 by Paxton

WWF logosI used to watch and follow professional wrestling. In the mid ’80s, the biggest game in town was the WWF.  Wrestlemanias I (1985), II (1986) and III (1987) were HUGE. In fact, Wrestlemania III, at the time, had the largest recorded attendance for a live indoor sporting event in North America and is considered the pinnacle of professional wrestling’s popularity. I had it on VHS but I’ve watched it so many times the video tape actually broke. The superstars that competed in those three Wrestlemanias are known to even non-fans today; Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Macho Man Randy Savage and even Mr T made an appearance to wrestle with Hulk Hogan.  The most recent Wrestlemania was number 25, held in April of 2009, and while professional wrestling is still wildly popular, it has not kept the mainstream audience it had back in the mid to late ’80s.

Wrestlemania I Wrestlemania II Wrestlemania III

Back during the golden years of the WWF, Vince McMahon was in his prime.  He marketed the everlovin’ CRAP out of his little federation.  True, he does it now, but really, McMahon has become almost a mockery of himself at this point.  Back then, he was a marketing genius, now, more a media whore than a media mogul.  Vince’s “all over the place” marketing strategies included video games, a line of giant, plastic action figures by LJN and a cartoon.  Now, companies do that all the time but back in the ’80s, that kind of cross promotion was unheard of.  Then, in 1985, Vince decided to move into the music making space.  Wrestlers have always had theme music that accompany them to the ring.  Instead of purchasing licensed songs, Vince thought they should record their own songs and market them on music albums.  So he gathered pretty much every wrestler he employed at the time and had them record their own theme music.  And the results were GLORIOUS.

Here are those first 5 heinously awful music albums as recorded by the wrestlers themselves.

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Spockcation 2009: My adventures in Jacksonville with 12″ Spock

Posted in Florida, humor, Jacksonville, movies, Star Trek with tags , , , , , , , on June 30, 2009 by Paxton

Spockcation 2009

Spock arrived last week and we got to spend the weekend together. I showed him the sights of Jacksonville and we bonded. It was nice.

Eclectorama is going to post a few of my pictures from this weekend as he’s the Spockcation host. But I’ll go ahead and show you guys a few of the pics with some commentary. If you want to see more of these pics head to my Spockcation 2009 Flickr set. Click the below images to make them BIGGER.

Spock reads ST novelSpock reads MadSpock reads Mad 2

While waiting around for me to get home from work Spock had lots of time to read. Surprisingly, his reading choices did not deviate from reading about himself. The dude is a narcissist.

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Spockcation 2009: Spock has arrived!!

Posted in humor, movies, random, Star Trek with tags , , , , , on June 24, 2009 by Paxton

Spockcation 2009

I posted back in April that I was a part of Eclectorama’s Spockcation 2009.  Spockcation 2009 involves a 12″ Spock action figure traveling abroad and getting his picture taken in tons of different cities.  As of two days ago, Spock has arrived at my place.  I’ll be spending the next week hanging out with him.  I have some fun places for us to visit.  Maybe we’ll visit the beaches and scope for chicks, maybe visit Jacksonville Memorial Stadium where the Jacksonville Jags play, maybe I’ll even challenge him to a drinking contest because we all know Vulcans can’t hold their liquor.  We’ll see where the week takes us.

It’s time to get rowdy like a 1st grade classroom.  I’ll post the pics of the aftermath of our Vulcan Olympics next week.

Spock's Arrival

3 Wolf and Moon shirt is officially greatest shirt in the Universe

Posted in humor, pop culture with tags , , , on June 5, 2009 by Paxton

Here’s some Friday fun for everyone. A new phenomenon has taken over the internet. The 3 Wolf/Moon shirt.

3 Wolf and Moon Shirt

This seemingly trailer park attire has become incredibly popular the last few months causing the shirt to become the #1 best selling apparel item on Amazon.com.  That’s right, this shirt is the #1 selling clothing item on Amazon.  WTF, you ask?  The popularity is based on the customer reviews.  People have started writing ironic and snarky comments expounding the virtues of wearing one of these shirts. People talk about how the shirt will increase your success with the opposite sex, fill the empty void in your soul, raise the dead, transport you to another dimension to meet the Wolf God and many, many other incredible feats.

Here are some of my favorite reviews (Click the images to see them full size):

3 Wolf review 1
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Little Women Fight Club: Ways to make classic literature more AWESOME

Posted in books, Classic literature, humor with tags , , , on June 3, 2009 by Paxton

Used BookstoreTo completely misquote Ron Burgundy, “I love books. Books-y, books, books. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” Okay, the last half of that mis-quote didn’t make any sense, but you get the point, I love to read. You can check the ever changing I Just Read and I Am Reading book sections on my blog’s sidebar (over there —>)to see what I’m currently enjoying and what I just finished enjoying. I thought about including what books I have “on deck” ready to be read in that sidebar, but really, it’s a crap shoot what gets picked up to be read next.  There’s no guarantee what I put there will, in fact, come next.

Anywho, sometimes I get on reading tangents where I want to knock out a few books that “the man” considers “classics”.  Stuff I never got to read while in school, or something I did read in school that I remember liking, but don’t remember a thing about it.  These are usually fun tangents and it’s allowed me to discover books like The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas, which I never read in school, but is FANTASTIC (why the hell didn’t I read that in school?).  However, there are some classics that I should read, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to read.  Books by authors like Bronte, Joyce and Austen, while considered classics by “people in the know”, are considered flowery, boring and gay by “me”.  If I fall asleep reading the synopsis on the back of the book, then there is little hope the ENTIRE book is going to keep my interest.  So there was a whole section of classic literature that I avoided and I was fine with that.  Until savant/genius/author Seth Graham-Smith decided he too thought classic literature needed a little help in being “less literary” and “more AWESOME”.  Thusly was Pride & Prejudice & Zombies birthed upon our virgin world.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Graham-Smith infuses a subplot involving a battle with the undead into the literary classic thereby making it relevant to guys everywhere.  I mean, what good is a literary classic if NO ONE wants to read it?  Seriously.  Besides, what is more romantic than fighting off an army of the undead?  It’s okay if you can’t come up with an answer to that question, there isn’t an answer other than ‘NOTHING’.

So, I thought, in what other books would this work?  The possibilities are endless.  So I sat down at my desk at work….um, I mean the table at home, after I got off work….and came up with a few more twists on some boring classic literature books that would get me to read them.  Come enjoy the awesome-ness with me.

Little Women Fight Club

Original Synopsis – Follows the lives of the four March sisters as they live, love and learn their way through life. It’s an allegorical novel that champions the strength of women during a time in America when women weren’t considered strong.

New More AWESOME Synopsis – The four March sisters, Jo, Meg, Beth and Amy, are always fighting. One day, a fight promoter, James Lawrence, happens upon one of their more viscous fights and gets an idea. Guys everywhere would pay to see these ladies just go at it in an all out battle royal. Mr Lawrence talks to the girls’ father and, having recently lost a good amount of the family’s money, he agrees to let Mr Lawrence train the girls for a traveling “girl fight” festival. The promoter recruits a few other girls from the nearby area and trains them in boxing and Greco-Roman wrestling. The girls then tour the country side with Mr Lawrence, fighting in a 10 woman battle royal 6 nights a week. The story follows the girls across the country as they live in the festival caravan and fight, love and learn in various small towns across 19th century America. This new version also shows the strength of women…in revealing clothing…in non-sanctioned bloody cage matches. Movie rights are pending.

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