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I’m in Time Magazine. WHAT. UP.

Posted in blogging, Hula Burger, McDonald's, pop culture, reviews, Time Magazine with tags fast food, Hula Burger, McDonald's, personal on September 25, 2008 by Paxton

Okay, I noticed a serious jump in my blog stats the other day and I took a look to see what the hell just happened. Looking at my page views I see this:

A huge amount of traffic was being sent by an outside link to my article about failed McDonald’s sandwiches: The Golden Archives. This article usually gets some hits but it was blowin’ up, yo, sur-iously. So I clicked in to find the sites that link to it and I noticed this.

The most hits were coming from time.com. I was like, “Time.com? WTF? Not THE Time.com?” Yes, THE Time.com. I clicked the link and was greeted with an article on Time.com listing the top 50 Authentic American Experiences. Surprisingly, my blog is NOT one of the 50 Authentic American experiences. I don’t know why. How much more AMERICAN, or more of an EXPERIENCE, can this blog be? And by American, I obviously mean AWESOME. Here’s the page in question.

Within this article they are discussing the Big Mac Museum, which I would agree is an authentic American experience. In the very first sentence Time friggin’ Magazine (I say again…WHAT. UP.) sees fit to link to my blog.

Check out the Hula Burger link. That goes to my Golden Archives article here. How about that, sixth grade English teacher who said I wrote like a blind second grader? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?! Actually, my sixth grade English teacher didn’t say that, but she did throw a shoe across the room at a classmate. That is true. But she didn’t say I wrote like a blind second grader…I think she said epileptic first grader. But that’s beside the point because I can now bill myself as if I won an Academy Award. Like Academy Award Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins. I can now call myself Time Magazine referenced Sir Paxton Holley. Well, I added the Sir, but I have no problems going to jolly Olde England for the knighting ceremony. I’ll even pay for my own flight. You hear me Queen Mother? Hello?

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Odds ‘n Ends from the last two weeks

Posted in books, humor, personal, random with tags books, fast food, IHOP, Moleskine, personal on September 5, 2008 by Paxton

Yeah, so I missed another week last week. Crap, I don’t know how that happened. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue….or did I? Seriously, I did pick the wrong week.

Had a lot going on this past week. We went up to Columbia, SC to visit friends Kathy and Himal who have chosen to live up there as they finish their PhDs. We had a blast. They were able to procure us invites to an “insider’s only” party at a place called Jillian’s. It featured free beers and appetizers from 7 to 9pm. Needless to say, we came, we drank, we danced the Cupid Shuffle. It was a grand old time. We finished the evening by stumbling our party-ed out selves over two blocks to the IHop. What was cool, was that the IHOP was housed in the old A-frame architecture that the franchise had back in the ’80s.

A-frame IHOP

I hadn’t seen an A-frame IHOP in years. There used to be one in Birmingham, AL for the longest time but it was converted into a car wash or something.

So that was a blast. What else happened, oh Auburn beat Louisiana-Monroe. It wasn’t the pass-happy offense everyone expected, but I’m hoping that they held back a bit because Louisiana-Monroe wasn’t the strongest of opponents.

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FAITH BEGORRAH!! I GOT ME A SHAMROCK SHAKE!!

Posted in fast food, food, McDonald's, pop culture, St. Patrick's Day with tags fast food, McDonald's, Shamrock Shake, St. Patrick's Day on March 14, 2008 by Paxton

The Shamrock Shake is like the Loch Ness Monster. You either believe it exists or you don’t, some people catch a glimpse of one but some never do…and they are both green. This year, I was a lucky one. I was able to capture a Shamrock Shake and hold on for dear life as if drinking this holy liquid would grant me immortality. And judging from the taste, it may just have.

The Shamrock Shake is an interesting animal. According to McDonald’s, it was introduced in 1970, which is much older than I thought. However, the McDonald’s site also says they are only available in Ireland, so, Ronald may have put a bit too much “Irish” into his shake, if you get what I’m sayin’ (In case you don’t know what I’m saying, I’m saying that Ronald McDonald put too much whiskey in his Shamrock Shake, therefore he is drunk and can’t remember the truth…). It seems many McDonald’s in certain markets across the country still sell Shamrock Shakes for a few months surrounding St. Patty’s Day. It’s the ultimate celebration of all things green and Irish.

Back in the day, the Shamrock Shake got lots of publicity push. There were several commercials and they even created a special McDonaldLand character to represent it. He was Grimace’s uncle, he was green and from Ireland. Behold the beautiful visage of Uncle O’Grimacey!!!

I am not kidding, that was a real character. Don’t believe me, click here for Uncle O’Grimacey’s McDonald’s commercial on YouTube. You can hear him in all his fake Irish accent-y glory. While researching a bit more, I found out that not only was there a Shamrock Shake, McDonald’s also created a Shamrock Sundae! Green, minty syrup was poured on top of a normal sundae in order to transform it into something appropriately Gaelic. I didn’t remember the Shamrock Sundae, but there’s proof. Click here for the Shamrock Shake/Sundae commercial on YouTube, or check the picture below from that commercial. Very, very cool. I wish they still sold the sundae version. Looks YUMMY!

Last year, I searched high and low for one of these babies and was left empty-handed. There are like 4 McDonald’s around where I work and not one of them sold the mythic shake. Late last year, though, a brand new McDonald’s opened right by where I live. I was hopeful. And just the other day, I was going through the drive-thru and lo and behold…I saw the ad for the Shamrock Shake!!! When I ordered it, I’m sure it sounded indecipherable. Something like,

“HihelloIseeyouhavetheShamrockShake.CanIhaveaShamrockShake?Huh, Please?SHAMROCKSHAKESHAMROCKSHAKESHAMROCKSHAKESHAMROCKSHAKE!!!”

The guy must have thought I was a loony. That was all forgotten though, when he handed me my ice cold Shamrock Shake as if he were the Lady in the Lake and I was Arthur waiting to retrieve Excalibur for the first time. Check out the awesome green-ness of this shake! It’s a sight to behold.

And the taste is just as good as the pictures. It’s essentially their vanilla shake mixed with mint flavoring and green coloring…and it’s AWESOME! Everything I dreamed it would be. Try dipping Girl Scout Thin Mints into it for an extra treat.

Well, that’s enough schoolgirl gushing about a minty green milkshake. Hope you are successful in finding your Shamrock before, or on, St. Patty’s Day! I’m sure my friend Collier will try to order his with that fake Irish accent that he thinks sounds like Colin Ferrell but really sounds like Will Ferrell impersonating a leprechaun.

Hope everyone has a great St. Patty’s Day. And go find your Shamrock Shake!!

Technorati Tags – fast food McDonalds Shamrock Shake Jacksonville, FL St Patrick’s Day

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Ode to Blake’s Lotaburger – New Mexico Style

Posted in Albuquerque, Blake's Lotaburger, fast food, food, New Mexico, roadtrip with tags Blake's, fast food, New Mexico on February 14, 2008 by Paxton

Blake's Lotaburger sack I’m going on a roadtrip this weekend to visit my brother in Chicago. Thinking about that, I thought I would take a moment to discuss my last roadtrip I took back in January to Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Whenever my wife and I go on one of our trips, pretty much the only thing that’s planned ahead of time is where we are going to eat. And even then, when we are currently eating breakfast, we still plan on what’s for lunch. Then at lunch, we gotta plan dinner. It’s this vicious gluttonous cycle that continues every place we go. And I love it.

So, when we planned the January trip to visit her family back in Albuquerque, we had to come up with a list of places to eat. For me, when we head back to the Southwest, there are only two places on my list, and the first is Blake’s Lotaburger. The second is any good Mexican food place which includes a variety of places like Gardunos or any place in Old Town. But the main one, like I said, is Blake’s.

For the uninitiated, Blake’s is a New Mexico only burger joint with some of the best fast food I’ve ever eaten. Steph’s grandmother, Millie, and Aunt Terry are always accommodating and super-nice to constantly make time in our visiting schedule to eat at Blake’s. Sometimes, we are there multiple times…in a day. When there, I’ve seriously had to curb my desire to tell Aunt Terry and Millie that I think I may move all my stuff to Blake’s and just sleep there. I’ll put my sleeping bag in a booth and awaken to the smell of the meaty and toasted bunly goodness of the Blake’s burgers. Ummmmmmmmm…just thinking about it now makes my knees weak………………………………

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The Golden Archives: McDonalds Sandwich Hall of Fame

Posted in food, humor, McDonald's, pop culture, reviews with tags fast food, McDonald's, pop culture on August 21, 2007 by Paxton

While perusing the internets looking for McDonalds commercials the other week, I also found some cool information on weird sandwiches that McDonalds either used to serve, or serves in other countries that we don’t know about. McDonalds foreign and regional menus can bring a decidedly different feel to the American so used to the menu here in the states. First, lets take a look at a few sandwiches that have come and gone from the mostly static McDonalds menu. After these forgotten sandwiches, let’s take a look at some regional/foreign Mickey D’s delicacies you may not know about. It’s fascinating what people in other places love to eat.

Yes, this was actually on the McDonalds’ menu in the mid-1960s. Ray Kroc noticed that he was losing lots of sales on Fridays. When he realized that Catholics don’t eat meat on Fridays, he decided he needed to come up with a non-meat replacement for hamburgers. His first choice? The Hula Burger. It consisted of a bun, a piece of cheese and a slice of pineapple. That’s it. Sounds kinda kooky, and it was. Unfortunately, people wanted real food and not just toppings on their sandwich so the Hula Burger flopped. A popular phrase during the time was, “I love the Hula, but where’s the burger?” Lou Groen, owner of a Cincinnati based McDonalds, created the Filet-O-Fish and when the Hula-Burger crashed and burned Kroc had to try it on the menu. The fish sandwich was a winning success and has been there ever since.

Ahh, the McJordan. When MJ was shilling for McDonalds in the early ’90s there wasn’t anything they wouldn’t slap his name on. The McJordan burger was the most famous. A quarter-pounder with cheese, BBQ sauce and TWO onion rings adorned this artery clogging heart attack machine. That silence you hear is the stopping of many people’s hearts upon eating this chunk of meat and cholesterol. Yikes. I remember my friend Steve got this one time and he snuck it into the movie. When he opened the bag the overwhelming smell of BBQ sauce and beef nearly made me hurl…that would then have caused a chain reaction of ralphing not unlike the pie-eating scene in Stand By Me. Luckily I have a strong gag reflex.

The McJordan brings to mind the 1993 promotion between McDonalds and the movie Jurassic Park. McDonalds added the “Dino-Size” your meal option to its menus. The Dino-sized version of the quarter pounder with cheese was the DOUBLE quarter pounder. My friends and I called it the McDeath, because to eat it would cause immediate cardiac arrest. I actually ate it once, and was sick the rest of the night. Oh the memories. This was actually the first time I remember seeing the Double Quarter-Pounder with Cheese on the menu. Did you know that at one time you could order a McDonalds POUNDER? It’s was 4 quarter pound beef patties on one sandwich. Tell me your arteries didn’t clot just reading that sentence.

McDLT I know you remember this one, the McDLT (McDonalds Lettuce and Tomato). The funky styrofoam container is a dead giveaway. It keeps the hot side hot and the cool side cool. Interesting gimmick for a burger with just lettuce and tomato. Check out a very-80s commercial for it starring Jason Alexander (George Costanza). I don’t remember ever eating it, but it looked like it was good.