Well, as with most everyone else, things got busy as crap these last few holiday weeks. I had this past week off work and I planned on writing something but, as it happens, life got in the way.

I had a great Xmas with my family and drank copious amounts of alcohol. Then we drank again on New Years Day. Really, Steph and I need to go into rehab after this holiday. We’ll also probably have wine tonight and tomorrow because we are having Italian Night. Italian Night (aka Gangster Night) is when Steph cooks lasagna, we drink Chianti (or another Italian wine like Sangiovese) and watch gangster movies. Some of the past flicks we’ve watched are Godfather Pt I and II, Casino and Good Fellas. For Xmas, I got Steph the Blu-Ray DVD of the Godfather trilogy. So those will be screening for this edition of Italian Night. But, back to the drinking, it’s out of control, seriously.

Anyway, I won’t let my personal vices like drinking, eating, watching bad movies or gambling on women’s golf keep me from my stated duties; entertaining the tens of people that read this blog. Never fear, I’ll be putting up a proper article next week.

Hope everyone else had a great holiday. Back to reality in a few days, including the L-O-O-O-O-O-N-G stretch to my next holiday Memorial Day. 5 months. Ugh.

Maybe I’ll even take down the Christmas decorations.   Now that it’s January 02, 2009, the green, red and falling snow is tap-dancing on my last nerve.

Peace out.

Well, December is upon us. The year is almost over. So, even though stores started putting up Christmas decorations 2 days before Thanksgiving, I waited until December 1 to really start thinking about Christmas. A few weeks ago I decided to read nothing but Christmas books through the end of the year. I thought it might help “jump start” myself into Kris Kringle mode. I picked my festive list of books first before I started reading because I wanted to be prepared and not caught off guard by finishing a few and then having to scramble to find some more. Many are older classics that I never really got around to reading in the first place and one is one I re-read because it was short and I enjoyed it.

So, I finally finished my Xmas reading list and I thought I’d let you all know what I read and what I thought about them.  It’s an eclectic list, and I didn’t enjoy everything I read, which is to be expected, I guess.  But enough of my incessant babbling, here’s the list of reviews.  Some of this stuff may put you in the Xmas mood, some of it may put you in the mood to punch some random Salvation Army Santa in the gut.  Pick your poison, my friend.

A Christmas Tragedy by Agatha Christie - This is one of Agatha’s short stories found in The 13 Problems collection.  Honestly, I was a bit disappointed.  The events of this short story just happen to take place during a Christmas party, that’s pretty much the only tenuous connection to the holiday.  The mystery is short and sweet, but not one of her best.  I find that Agatha is best at the novel length stories where she can build character and suspense.  When she writes short stories, there is no time to build the suspense then have a nice reveal.  It’s too quick.  So, this was only a so-so entry to my holiday reading list.

Hercule Poirot’s Christmas (aka A Holiday for Murder) by Agatha Christie - Man, it’s crazy how many of Agatha’s novels have different titles in America. For some reason America keeps wanting to add murder or death to the original British titles. Hercule Poirot’s Christmas was re-named A Holiday for Murder. Hickory, Dickory Dock was re-named Hickory, Dickory Death. Americans are just edgy like that. Anyway, this novel length story is miles better than A Christmas Tragedy. Christie has the room to build character and suspense and the setting of Christmas is used better. This book actually reminds me of two movies; Clue: The Movie and Greedy. A rich, eccentric old man gathers his wayward family back together at his mansion for Christmas and winds up getting murdered on Christmas Eve. Hercule Poirot must figure out which of the family committed the crime despite the fact almost all of them had motive. While not one of her best (And Then There Were None, Murder on the Orient Express), it’s still a  good read.

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens - A classic.  I never actually got a chance to read this, so when I decided to read Christmas books this year during December, this was at the top of my reading list.  Apparently Dickens wrote four or five “Christmas books”.  This book contains three of them; A Christmas Carol, The Chimes and The Cricket on the Hearth. Dickens also wrote a story called The Haunted Man and the Ghost’s Bargain, but that story isn’t included in this book. I’ll read the last three stories next year, this year I just read A Christmas Carol. The story itself is relatively short, less than 100 pages, but it’s everything you think it is. Other than one or two scenes, the story is exactly the same as many of the TV and movie adaptations that you see every year. It’s a good read and, since it’s a classic, I’m glad I finally read the original story.

The Autobiography of Santa Claus by Jeff Guinn - Since I didn’t think I would have enough time to finish all of these books in the traditional way, I actually downloaded this audio book to my iPhone to listen to on my drive to work.  The book is read by John H. Mayer.  It starts off very good, with Santa’s right hand elf, Felix, whisking the author away to the North Pole in order to document the life story of Santa, as told to the author by the Kringle himself.  However, as the story drones on (and it does…FOREVER) the character of Santa actually becomes a bit tedious to listen to.  I imagine that when actually talking to Santa, he would talk to you as if you were a child because he’s childlike and innocent.  However, in this audio book, it felt to me like he was being less childlike, and more condescending.  Like I couldn’t possibly understand the circumstances of his growing up or the times in which he lived.  Several times I wanted to answer Santa’s monologues with, “So, you think your better than me?”  And there was a tinge of passive-aggressive patronizing towards the people he grew up with, too.  Several times he’d mention the custom of dowries, or money paid to a young man in order to marry a girl, and how everyone then did it but he thought the practice silly.  He would also mention how back when he was growing up women were thought of as only good for cleaning house and having babies and how he thought that was not right and couldn’t wait for men to change their minds.  Which, he mentioned, took another several hundred years to happen.  Yeah, Santa, I get it, you are better than everyone around you.  You called the feminist movement centuries before it happened.  You want a medal?  Maybe it was just the way it was read, but to me, Santa came across as kind of a douche.  Sad, because you’d think the goal of the life story of Santa is to make you feel good, not make you want to punch Santa in the face…a lot.  Santa also tries to shoe horn in a lot of history into this book.  See how long you can sit and listen to the 30 minute long chapter on how the Aztec and Roman calendar systems were created before wanting to steer your car into oncoming traffic.  These “history” chapters are what cause the audio book to go over 9 hours.  Yes, NINE hours.  It’s in four 2+ hour sections.  That’s another problem I have.  Unlike Santa, I am not immortal.  I can’t listen to this story until I die.  I imagine myself sitting in my rusted out car, nothing but a pile of dusty, cob-webbed bones, with the radio still going on about how Santa freed the slaves and invented a cure for Cancer.  Sorry Santa-douche, two skeletal thumbs down.

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus by L Frank Baum - Okay, here we go.  This is how you write a biography of Santa Claus.  Lots of mysticism, fantasy and magic.  Written by the author of The Wizard of Oz, it tells the story of how Santa was found, as a baby, by fairies.  Defying the laws of the magical forest, one fairy decides to care for the baby and raises him in the land of the immortals.  I guess you can expect nothing less from the Oz author.  Very, very good fantasy story that doesn’t make me feel like Santa hates me (I’m looking at you Autobiography of Santa Claus).

The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special - This is not a novel, but a comic book that was released in 1991.  I bought and read this when it originally was released but haven’t touched it since then.  I remembered loving this story and the main character so I thought I’d read it again.  The main character, Lobo, was a very popular DC anti-hero from the ’90s.  He was a tongue-in-cheek, hyper-violent bounty hunter that was created to make fun of similar hyper-violent, anti-hero characters that were popular at the time, like The Punisher and Wolverine.  The story has everything you’d want in a Christmas tale; snow, the North Pole, a megomaniacal slave driving Santa Claus and a bloody, uber-graphic battle ending in much bloodshed and death.  The book starts out with the Easter Bunny hiring Lobo to kill Santa because Christmas is stealing all of the other holidays’ thunder.  So, Lobo travels to the North Pole to find out that Santa is a ruthless dictator, treating his elves like slaves.  What follows is the aforementioned mayhem and rivers of blood.  I can’t recommend this book enough.  It’s a heartwarming tale.  Read it to your kids on Christmas Eve.  I can imagine the conversation you’d have now:

Kid:  “Santa dies?”

You:  “Yes, because Santa was a bad, bad man.”

Kid:  “So why do I try to be good for a man that is so bad?”

You:  “Exactly.  Welcome to adulthood.  Now get a job.”

Well, that was my reading list this December.  It was fun reading  mostly Christmas stories.  I’m glad to get out of that genre though.  If you look to the right under I AM READING, you can see I’m reading a sci-fi book by one of my favorite authors, Peter David.  Need to cleanse the palatte, so to speak.  After that I start Relic by Douglas Preston/Lincoln Child, recommended to me by my former freakin’ neighbor, Dr Mike.

It’s hit-or-miss whether you are going to get a blog article next week.  I’m leaning towards it, but many of you may not be surfing the blogosphere anyway due to the holiday.

Either way, have a very merry Christmas everyone.

It’s Christmas time! I love Christmas time. The decorations, the holiday-only items in the stores and toys. Can’t have Christmas without kick-ass toys. However, I especially love flipping through the TV channels during the holiday season. All of the TV logos are juiced up for the holidays and our old Christmas Special favorites are dusted off and traipsed out in front of us like a former beauty queen, well past her prime. There are plenty to catch. Endless remakes of A Christmas Carol, TV shows centering their activities around Christmas parties, beloved cartoon characters meeting Santa Claus and learning that “to give is better than to receive”. You’ve seen them, you know them. But the undisputed king of television holiday specials has got to be the studios of Rankin-Bass. Rankin-Bass consistently made the most treasured and beloved holiday specials of all time. Their track record is undeniable. Their influence on the holiday is unmistakable. Let’s take a look back at the animation studios of Rankin-Bass and some of their most famous specials; most you’ve no doubt seen dozens of times, but many you probably didn’t realize they created.

Rankin-Bass was established in the early ’60s by Arthur Rankin Jr and Jules Bass. Originally named Videocraft International, they independently produced several animation series including Pinocchio in 1960 and Tales of the Wizard of Oz in 1961.  Pinocchio was animated in the “ani-magic” style of animation using puppets and stop motion photography (which would later become a Rankin-Bass trademark), while Tales of the Wizard of Oz was animated in traditional 2-D animation.  The Oz series would be popular enough to adapt into a TV movie in 1964.  This TV movie would air on the popular GE Fantasy Hour. Then, in December of 1964, the GE Fantasy Hour would air the first Rankin-Bass Christmas special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, which would go on to become one of the most popular and longest running specials in TV history.

Rankin-Bass animated the special using “ani-magic” the same way they did Pinocchio a few years earlier. The special was based on the popular Christmas song written by Johnny Marks in 1949. Johnny Marks also composed the orchestral score to the Rankin-Bass Rudolph special.

Rankin-Bass would next tackle a few Thanksgiving specials, one being an adaptation of the Dickens holiday novella The Cricket on the Hearth in 1967.  Then, in 1969, they would produce a Halloween “ani-magic” movie named Mad Monster Party featuring one of the last performances of Boris Karloff.  This Halloween movie would become a cult-favorite years later.

In 1969, Rankin-Bass would create another special based on a popular Christmas song, Frosty the Snowman.  This special would use traditional 2-D animation and cast Jimmy Durante as the narrator and Jackie Vernon as Frosty.  In it, Frosty would mistakenly yell “Happy Birthday!” every time he gets brought to life by the magic hat.  In my head, every time I tell someone “Merry Christmas”, I hear “Happy Birthday” in the same sing-song voice in which Frosty used to do it.  I don’t know why.  I actually have to think about it when I say “Merry Christmas”, otherwise I’d start unconsciously saying “Happy Birthday” and sound like an idiot.

One year after the huge success of the Frosty cartoon, Rankin-Bass animated their next special, Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. This special featured Fred Astaire as a mailman answering kid’s questions about Santa Claus, which included his early days as a youngster before he became Santa. This special is the originator of such popular characters as the Miser Brothers, Heat and Snow, Old Man Winter (who looked an awful lot like Gandalf) and Mother Nature. This special became so popular that it was remade as a live action movie in 2006 with John Goodman as Santa, Delta Burke as Mrs Claus, Carol Kane as Mother Nature and Michael McKean and Harvey Firestein as the Miser Brothers (as bug-nuts insane as that sounds, it’s true).  The Heat Miser/Snow Miser song is still one of my all time favorites.

“I’m mister white Christmas, I’m mister snow…”

“I’m mister green Christmas, I’m mister sun…”

Update 12/12/2008 - I just watched Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town on ABC Family.  Apparently I was huffin’ shrooms or something, but Heat Miser/Snow Miser are NOT in that movie.  Their first appearance was in The Year Without a Santa Claus below.  Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit licking toads.

In 1974, Rankin-Bass would create a semi-sequel to Santa Claus is Coming to Town called A Year Without A Santa Claus.  This special told of the Christmas where Santa had a cold and was a big old fat baby and didn’t want to make his rounds on Christmas Eve.  Mrs Claus had to convince him to change his mind.  Mickey Rooney would return as the voice of Santa and the characters of Heat Miser and Snow Miser would also return as the main antagonists.  Mrs Claus was voiced by Shirley Booth.

These specials would go on to become some of the most beloved Christmas specials ever filmed.  And they were all done by Rankin-Bass.  After 1974, Rankin-Bass made sequels to many of these specials, including several more for Rudolph and Frosty, but none would be as popular as the originals.

Rankin-Bass’ final stop-motion Christmas special was The Life & Times of Santa Claus, based on the book of the same name by Wizard of Oz author L Frank Baum.  Released in 1985, it told how Santa became an immortal after being found as a child in the magical forest and being adopted and raised by fairies.  Unfortunately, this special was never released on DVD, but ABC Family shows it every year during their 25 Days of Christmas.

In case you haven’t ever watched it, ABC Family’s annual 25 Days of Christmas is BAD ASS.  I was aware of it, but I never realized how much good vintage material they actually show. They show all my favorite Christmas specials as well as classic Christmas movies.  Just last night I watched Mickey’s Christmas Carol, one of my favorite adaptations of Dickens’ novel. They also show A Christmas Story, A Garfield Christmas as well as all of the popular Rankin-Bass Christmas specials. Pretty awesome considering the rest of the year all they show are Hallmark movies and re-runs of Seventh Heaven. Check it out if you get the chance.

Rankin-Bass would also go on to animate a few very popular mainstream animated shows and movies not having to do with Christmas.  Two of the more popular kids cartoons were ThunderCats and Silver Hawks.

Rankin/Bass also produced the animated movie adaptations The Hobbit and Return of the King.  Speaking of the ’70s Hobbit cartoon, check out one of the most horrible songs ever recorded, Leonard Nimoy singing Ballad of Bilbo Baggins.   My poor ears haven’t heard anything that bad since William Shatner crooned Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.  Or Rocket Man. Or Mr Tamborine Man.

As for the influence Rankin-Bass has had on today’s Christmas specials, you can find homages to Rankin-Bass’ “ani-magic” everywhere.

MadTV did a parody of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer called Raging Rudolph.  The narrator is a version of Sam the Snowman from the original, but he sounds like Joe Pesci.  It follows Rudolph and Hermi as they exact a bloody Christmas justice on those that made fun of them.  This skit even provided two sequels including Reinfather (parody of Godfather) and A Pile of Gifts Now (parody of Apocolypse Now).

The entire beginning of the Will Ferrell movie, Elf, including the credit sequence, is an homage to the Rankin-Bass specials.

Apple Computer just released a new animated version of their popular “I’m a PC and I’m a Mac” commercials with an obvious visual homage to the Rankin-Bass “ani-magic” specials. Click the image to see the commercial on Apple’s website.

As you can see, Rankin-Bass has greatly influenced our views of the holidays and how TV celebrates and visualizes Christmas.  I know I try to watch these every year because it helps to put me in the mood.

Update 12/12/2008 - The live action Year Without a Santa Claus starring John Goodman and Delta Burke is on ABC Family this weekend!!!  I am so DVR’ing that train wreck.  I haven’t seen it all the way through.  Oh, the sweet insanity.

That’s right, it’s that time of the year once again.  December 5th.  The Day of the Ninja. Today is a day to celebrate the lethal, the invisible, the AWESOME…Ninja.

Regular readers know that this blog celebrates Ninja Day every year.  See last year here.  And 2006 here.

Many people ask me what it’s like to be a ninja.  Really, being a ninja is just like being a normal person, except faster and more awesome.  People also want to know if just by being a bad ass ninja do I get out of many fights or, every once in a while, do I get to deliver a glorious and spectacular ninja death unto some poor soul’s sorry ass.  The answer is, I get to deliver ninja justice onto people everyday.  Sometimes multiple times in a day.  Let’s take a look at a few of the attacks I see on a daily basis.

So, I was walking down the street, shirtless, minding my own business; petting stray kittens and helping old ladies across the street, when a shirtless karate warrior tried to attack me.  As you may know, karate and ninja warriors are much too awesome for shirts, this is why we tend to go without.  If a fight breaks out, we need to be able to bust out a kill move without being hindered by a 100% cotton chest covering (no matter how comfortable it is).  Anyway, this guy who attacked is obviously no match for me, a bad ass ninja master.  I ninja blocked his weak punch and was getting ready to deliver the devastating Iron Monkey Claw to his exposed solar plexus when some paparazzi snapped this picture (they are constantly following me).  Obviously this attacker is not used to paparazzi flashes going off during an intense ninja battle, so he paused to look at the flash (It even looks like he’s posing a bit!).  That was his fatal mistake.  Iron Monkey Claw - 1.  Poor bastard who attacked a ninja - 0.  After stepping over the steaming pile of intestines on the street, I signed a few autographs, got a few phone numbers from some hotties and continued on my way to the screams of “We Love You, Ninja” and “You Are Too Deadly…and Awesome!” and “I Can’t Look Away From Your Awesomeness!”

Another day I was innocently browsing a curio shop (notice the nice curios on the shelf behind me) when another shirtless warrior jumps out from behind an antique desk and tries to get the drop on me.  I was not shirtless for this fight (which is rare), but right before this particular picture was taken the warrior ripped my shirt off in a move designed to stun me.  This was his fatal mistake because not only do I look fantastic without my shirt, I fight better in less clothes (among other things, am I right, ladies?).  Check out my far-out ’70s medallion.  I use it to distract my opponents.  This distraction allowed me to execute the Flamingo Double Block and that, of course, would have led into my patented move, the Reverse Screaming Pinwheel Flip-kick.  Now, understand, I don’t perform the RSPFK very often.  It’s exhausting.  AWESOME beyond all comprehension…but exhausting.  However, this was a special occasion, I had to finish this fight quickly as I was in line waiting to pay for a framed art print and didn’t want to lose my place.  I’ll tell you this, that shop keeper is gonna have a hell of a time finding that warrior’s spine.  And his pancreas.  Sorry about that curio shop owner.

Here I am at the secret ninja gym.  I go here when I need to spar with fellow ninjas.  I’m doing a typical ninja split move that is mostly done to impress the ladies.  Jean Claude Van Damme stole it from us.  I invented a wicked ninja attack based on this move.  I call it the “Red River” technique.  Wherever I am, I jump into the splits, speak a few mystic words, do a few hand gestures and BAM! three quarts of blood immediately drop out of my opponent’s body.  It’s ridiculously awesome to watch, but the clean up is not fun.  I also do the ninja splits when I’m driving my car or going to the bathroom.

Here I am sparring with Chuck Norris on the set of our movie, Roundhouse Kick to the Grill.  Chuck and I are good friends, but thanks to the Random Chuck Norris facts, he gets a big head sometimes.  While filming the movie we got into an argument about how his roundhouse kick is superior to my roundhouse kick (which is patently absurd).  It got heated and Chuck tried to roundhouse kick me.  Not only did I dodge it, but I reverse roundhouse scoop-kicked him so hard his stunt double died.  And his mom.  And three other guys who just happened to be standing there.  Man, I got in trouble with the movie studio and insurance companies over that one.

So yes, as you see, being a ninja is pretty awesome.  Of course you get attacked on the street by evil henchmen, random karate warriors and Chuck Norris on occasion, but it just gives you a chance to perform the Steel Dragon maneuver every once in a while.  And that’s pretty sweet.

Enjoy Ninja Day everyone.

Forty years ago today, Dec 3, 1968, NBC aired the Elvis Presley Special sponsored by the Singer Sewing Company. It has since become known as the ‘68 Comeback Special, or just the ‘68 Special. It has stood the test of time as one of the most iconic performances of Elvis Presley’s career. It re-ignited his singing career and also started him touring and performing live concerts for the first time in seven years. This is how the televised special became known as the Comeback Special, Elvis was returning to touring and making rock-and-roll records.

As I said, the ‘68 Special has become iconic, not just for Elvis fans, but for the man himself. One of the more famous images of him is decked out in his all-leather suit strumming his guitar.

This special marked the first time Elvis had “gone electric” during a musical performance. In all previous performances he only played acoustic guitar.

Another iconic image of Elvis is in his all-white suit, standing in front of the immortal red ELVIS letters singing “If I Can Dream”

Although it aired on Dec 3 1968, the special was actually filmed in July 1968. Elvis had just returned from his honeymoon with Priscilla. While the Special was wildly successful, many people don’t realize that the original concept of the show was completely different.

Originally, the Special was conceived as a straight up Christmas special with Elvis singing nothing but Christmas carols. Director Steve Binder, however, saw the special as an opportunity to rescue Presley’s career from mediocre movies and soundtrack albums. Elvis was very open to this program change, but his manager kept complaining about the lack of Christmas songs. Even after the concept change, the special was going to be fully scripted and recorded without a live audience. But during rehearsals, the director enjoyed how Elvis would “loosen up” by goofing around and singing with his friends. The director asked Elvis if he would consider doing a live performance portion of the show. At first Elvis was concerned because he hadn’t performed live since 1961, seven years prior. However, after the director agreed to let his friends sit in with him on stage (as well as original band mates Scotty Moore and DJ Fontana) Elvis felt comfortable enough to give it a try. The live performances were filmed in four 1 hour shows. Two of the shows were the sit down “informal” sessions and two of the shows featured Presley standing and playing guitar by himself. These four shows came to be known as the Burbank Sessions and are considered the precursor to the “unplugged” shows that would become popular on MTV many years later.

The live concert shows would be edited together with scripted song and dance performances including a medley of Presley’s gospel hits, a semi-autobiographical number featuring the song Guitar Man and the aforementioned “If I Can Dream” performance.  Due to the last minute inclusion of the live performances, many scripted song numbers had to be removed for the Dec 3 broadcast.  One deleted number took place in a bordello to the song Let Yourself Go (see picture below).

Another was a performance of the song A Little Less Conversation that was remixed and released as a single in 2002 as well as becoming the theme song to a popular NBC show, Las Vegas. NBC would subsequently air two versions of the Elvis special.  One included a performance of Elvis singing Blue Christmas, the only seasonal song the director would approve, and another version that replaced Blue Christmas with a performance of Tiger Man.  All of these missing performances were later collected and released on the ‘68 Comeback Special 3-disc Deluxe Edition DVD. On this DVD you can watch the special as it originally aired in 1968, or you can watch each of the four 1 hour shows in their entirety as well as many of the rehearsals for the live action segments.  To celebrate the release of the ‘68 special DVD, several movie theaters had a special 1 hour showing of footage from the DVD. My wife and I found a theater in North Alabama that was showing it and we went. It was pretty awesome. Needless to say, I have this DVD set.

The special would become the highest rated TV special of the year and would succeed in revitalizing Elvis’ failing Billboard chart status.  Elvis would go on to do sold out shows in Las Vegas and begin his touring Elvis Presley Show concerts that would win him fans throughout the ’70s until his death in 1977.  RCA released the soundtrack for the show in 1968 including most (but not all) of the songs on the album NBC-TV Special.

Different configurations of the soundtrack performances would also be released over the years. Bootleg versions of the entire ‘68 Special performances were available for years under the title “The Burbank Sessions”. A definitive CD collection of the Special’s performances has yet to be released. I personally bought Memories: The 68 Comeback Special because it has the best track list and audio mastering.

This is one of my favorite Elvis performances and it’s amazing to think that the special is 40 years old today.

Get a lot more info on the Special as well as pictures, videos and downloads at the official Elvis 68 Special website.