Archive for July, 2008

Bloodsport: My adventures donating the red stuff

Posted in donate blood, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized with tags , , on July 30, 2008 by Paxton

Wait, I missed posting to my blog last week? WTF?! Wow, that one flew right passed me. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit taking fistfuls of Xanax. Yikes, the things that happen when you stay sober. Life lessons, people. Lessons that you learn in life. That’s what this is. How did I lose a week?!  Maybe I was abducted by aliens.  Yeah, that’s it, aliens were not-surprisingly attracted to my ridiculous awesomeness and had to perform their “experiments” on me to determine the origin of my awesome (maybe my wife and I should stop marathon-ing X-Files episodes, it may be affecting my thought process).

Actually, I fully intended to post an article last week but several things stopped me, and by “several things” I mean “one thing”. That one thing is that I’m really f’n lazy.

Laziness

It’s time I call a spade a spade and just lay it out on the table. I’m a lazy S.O.B. If the TV remote is lost in the cushions of the sofa, I won’t look for it. I’m watching whatever is on TV, even if that happens to be a marathon of makeover shows on TLC. 10 Years Younger, What Not to Wear, You Look Like An Idiot…whatever. I’m watching it. I once watched a marathon of home decorating shows on HGTV because the batteries in the remote were dead. It’s insane. Speaking of, how many houses have nice maple wood floors underneath orange shag carpeting? If you watch these shows, pretty much every home in America. I also learned that if you live in the Northeast, your home is as old as the US Constitution, has at most 1000 square feet and can be sold on the open market for about $400,000 – $500,000.  That’s just how the Northerners roll.  But I digress.

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About these ads

Some of my favorite Budweiser commercials

Posted in Budweiser, commercials, humor, pop culture, reviews, TV with tags , , , on July 18, 2008 by Paxton

In a move that furthers my theory that eventually, all companies will be owned by two or three giant corporations, Belgian beer makers, InBev, announced that they had purchased American owned Anheiser-Busch this week for $70 a share (or about $50 billion…yes, billion with a ‘B’).  Anheiser-Busch had scoffed at a previous offer, only to back pedal and fall all over themselves when the Belgians threw even more money at them.  In order to stifle concerns about a foreign company owning a traditionally American company, spokesman said the headquarters will remain in St. Louis, no American breweries should be closed and 2 seats on the Board at InBev are reserved for Anheiser-Busch executives.

Should be interesting to see how the Belgians handle the Budweiser brand.  Will working class Americans still drink Bud now that it’s technically a Belgian import like Stella Artois or Beck’s?  Will Europeans drink the lighter, watery Bud beers despite traditionally enjoying the darker, heavier brands?  It’s a risk all around for InBev, which will now be called Anheiser-Busch InBev.  Nice name.  More importantly, however, will the Belgians be able to continue Budweiser’s tradition of their always classic and hilarious TV advertisements?  I’m concerned because the Belgians’ sense of humor is not exactly world reknowned.

In preparation for the immediate stoppage of funny Budweiser commercials, I thought I’d take a look back at some of my favorite Budweiser commercials from years past.  It’s funny, doing research for this I realized there were several commercials that I thought were Bud commercials, but weren’t.  There was also one I couldn’t find.  It involved a guy on a date in a Chinese restaurant and he spots a hottie at another table.  He proceeds to order his food loudly by entree number (because most Chinese places number their dishes) so as to spell out his phone number, “I’ll have a FIVE and another FIVE and a TWO and one of the THREE….”  It was pretty funny, however I couldn’t find it.

So here are some of my favorite Bud commercials.  Click the commercial titles and/or images to see them on YouTube.

Swear Jar – This is one of the more recent commercials.  I think it aired two years ago during the Super Bowl.  Watching people in an office cursing at every opportunity just makes me laugh.  Also, watching the boss’ tirade in the meeting had me on the floor.  Great commercial.

Brazilian Fighting Cockatoo – I love this commercial.  I think this aired three or four years ago. It stars a fighting cockatoo bird that acts like Al Pacino in Scarface.  The cockatoo actually first appeared in this commercial, where he was protecting his master’s Bud Light.  I think I like the one in the bar where he’s protecting a lady from an unwanted suitor.  “Step Back? I step all the way back to Hackensack, my friend!” I wonder who is doing the Al Pacino impression?

Cut the Cheese – This commercial was supposed to air during the last Super Bowl, I think, but it was cut at the last minute.  I’m not sure why they didn’t show it.  I think it aired the next week a few times but hasn’t been seen since.  It’s actually really funny how they work in several different euphemisms throughout the commercial and I love that it takes place in a deli somewhere in New York or New Jersey.  This could be a lost episode of the Sopranos.

Jackie Moon TV Spots – Earlier this year Will Ferrell did some TV spots for Bud Light in character as Jackie Moon from his movie Semi-Pro.  The movie was only so-so, but this commercial spot was HILARIOUS.  Here’s another one here.  Semi-Pro just came out on DVD, so I may give it another chance because I didn’t think Anchorman was funny the first time but now I love it. I bet most of these tv spots were improvised.  “Bud Light, Suck One”.  “Bud Light.  I’m horny”.

Dude – This is a simple one, but it plays on the versatility of the word ‘dude’.  Very simple, yet very funny.

Apology-bot 3000 – There were a few of these Apology-bot commercials but I like this one with the guy apologizing to his girlfriend the best.  I love the little balloon at the end that says “My Bad!” on it.  LOL.  Here’s another one set in a Japanese restaurant.

Bud Ice Penguins – Allright, I’ll end with this one.  A classic from the mid-’90s, the Bud Ice Penguins.  Doo-Be-Do-Be-Doooooooooo!  Here’s another one.  These penguins were creepy yet funny at the same time.

I found many more that I thought were hilarious but I didn’t want to go on and on.  Some honorable mentions?  How about Magic Fridge?  Or this one featuring a mother telling her soon to be married daughter how to make her marriage last?  There’s also the “WHAAAAAASUUUUUUUP” (“What Are YOU Doing!?“) series of commercials and the Real Men of Genius ads that I get so much enjoyment from (Mr Over the Top Carb Counter).  Maybe I can even do a followup to this article.  We’ll see.

Have a good weekend everyone.  I’m off to Atlanta to join my wife at one of her friend’s wedding.

(Un)Happy iPhone Friday + Pepsi Blue Hawaii!!

Posted in Apple, iPhone, Pepsi, pop culture, reviews, soda, technology with tags , , , , , , on July 11, 2008 by Paxton

Just over a year ago I wrote an article discussing the release of iPhone version UNO plus two crazy Japanese items; Pepsi Ice Cucumber and Garlic Seafood Pringles. In what I believed to be a fortuitous situation, today I was supposed to acquire the newest version of the iPhone to go along with the new Pepsi summer release in Japan, Pepsi Blue Hawaii. It was going to be glorious. I could shadow that article from 6/29/2007 and review both of these items today. So I went to my local AT&T store to verify that the planets were all aligned (Pluto included, screw you scientists!!) and that AT&T was ready to toss me that touch-screen slab of AWESOME (aka iPhone) much like The Lady in the Lake did for Arthur and his Excalibur. Instead I found out that I can’t get the subsidized price, $299 for the 16Gb, until August 9th. If I want to get the iPhone today, I’d have to pay the full price, $499. $499 bucks?! Who am I, Rockefeller? So I have to wait 4 more weeks to be completed in body and soul. Until then, I have to look longingly at Engadget.com and try not to cry as it posts story after story of people buying the new iPhone 3G. Thanks a lot suits at AT&T and your stupid upgrade “rules”!!!

Anyway, while at the AT&T store the other night I took the opportunity to get my wife a new phone. She has been resisting this for months (nay, YEARS) because she loves her little phone she is currently using. I don’t know why. It’s an eyesore. It’s the cell phone equivalent of an abacus. It’s embarrassing to a tech/gadget guy like myself she carries this thing around. Seriously, this phone is so old it’s powered by a steam engine. You have to start it by turning a tiny crank on the side like one of those ancient farm tractors. Despite all of this and my constant badgering, she wouldn’t get rid of it. I mean, the thing didn’t even have a speakerphone. That’s right, NO SPEAKERPHONE!! I mean, what are we, in the Dark Ages?! She had some insane fascination with it. Well, this past weekend she flushed it down the toilet while at her uncle’s house in New Mexico. And to answer the question I always get, no, she wasn’t drunk (yet). Needless to say, this made me very happy. First thing through my mind? “YES!!!!!!” First thing I said to her? “Awwww, hunny, I’m sorry.” What surprises me about the “flushing incident” is that the phone itself didn’t get stuck in the hole, it actually went down the pipes. Her uncle is going to have a wicked plumbing bill soon. They even tried to call it to see if they could hear it ring. LOL…yes, they were actually calling the phone like it was lost in the couch cushions, not body surfing it’s way to the Rio Grande via Albuquerque’s metropolitan sewer system. I’m dying laughing thinking about it right now and I’ve heard the story three times. My wife, what a mess.

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Pac-Man Perfect: 1st Perfect game of Pac-Man played on today’s date, 1999

Posted in 80s, Pac-Man, pop culture, video games with tags , , , , on July 3, 2008 by Paxton

On today’s date, July 3, in 1999, the first perfect score was achieved on the arcade game Pac-Man. This feat was accomplished by the very controversial figure, Billy Mitchell, at the Funspot Family Fun Center in Weirs Beach, New Hampshire. Mitchell was competing with a partner in a US vs Canada video game competition over the Fourth of July weekend. It took him over six hours to complete his “perfect game”.

What, you may ask, goes into getting a “perfect score” on Pac-Man? To reach the maximum score of 3,333,360 points, one must navigate 255 mazes, or “boards”, eating all dots, power pellets and point giving fruit. You must also devour all four ghosts every time you eat a power pellet. After successfully navigating the first 255 boards you will reach the final 256th board, or what is known as the “kill screen” (see pic below). On the 256th maze, there is a bug in Pac-Man’s internal code that affects how the screen is drawn. Half the screen is perfectly clear while the other half is a mess of random characters and symbols. The interrupted drawing of the maze renders this final maze nearly unplayable. You finish your game by acquiring as many points as possible on this “kill screen” before you eventually die.

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