One Twisted Christmas: Random Christmas Crap
I was perusing the interweb and noticed some really crazy stuff people can buy as gifts. These crazy gifts also made me think of some other really weird Christmas movies and items. I thought I’d give you guys a humorous listing of some really surreal items having to do with Christmas (if even on a vague level). Enjoy!
Santa Claus (1960) - This is, hands-down, one of the wackiest, most insane movies ever put to film. Don’t let the cute, twinkle eyed Santa on the poster fool you. In this movie Santa lives in a castle that sits on the clouds (!) with Merlin. Yes, THAT Merlin. He uses a giant telescope to spy on the children of Earth. He also has hundreds of kids stashed away in this castle building him toys. It’s like a Nike sweatshop in the clouds. The kids are all from different countries, and their workstations are labeled as such with signs saying “America”, “Jamaica”, “China”, etc (so, actually, it’s more like United Colors of Benetton in a Nike sweatshop). It’s surreal. And the main conflict of this movie? Santa vs the Devil. Yes, THAT Devil. All for the soul of a poor little girl named Lupita. I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of this maniacal map of insanity. You can actually buy this DVD here, or pray to whatever cosmic deity you believe in that the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode that reviews this flick is either re-run on TV or released on DVD. That’s the way to watch it, with Mike and the ‘bots slamming every jam-packed minute of craziness. To whet your appetite, here’s the trailer
Twisted Sister – Oh Come All Ye Faithful (2006?) - Words can’t express the emotions that run through me watching this video. Stick through it for the first agonizing minute or two to get to the ’80s metal love that lies within. Oh Come All Ye Faithful sung to the tune of We’re Not Gonna Take It. GENIUS. If there was a Nobel Prize for Christmas metal songs, this would win.
Octopus ornament - Let’s just put aside the fact that an octopus ornament is, in itself, absurd. Is it disconcerting to anyone else that the octopus on this ornament looks like it’s DEVOURING the Earth? Is that the message we want to send, that on Christmas giant octopuses will use their gi-normous tentacles to crush and consume the Earth? I mean, don’t get me wrong, that’s a pretty bad-ass message, but is it the one we want to send? If you got the stones to send this message, you can order this bad boy right here.
Chihuahua Christmas card (1890s) - Ahh, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose…tiny chihuahua with “dead eyes” molesting a rifle wishing you a Happy Christmas. Wait-WHA?!
Kid gets a Nintendo64 for Christmas - Overreact much? LOL…this is classic.
Barbed Wire Christmas Tree - Here it is. You can stop shopping right now. Your very own barbed wire Christmas tree. This is one way to keep your cats from climbing the trunk. Yikes, decorating it must be an adventure. Tub of Neosporin anyone?
Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas next week. I’ll be in the Panhandle of Florida for the first part of next week and southern Alabama for the rest. I wish you and yours the best.